Can You Be "Just Friends"?

I’m just saying… I love you.”

Whoah. Hold up. Rewind – fast forward – anything to get me out of this awkward moment. Did Joe really just say he loved me? How did we go from football-talk to romance-talk in 3.5 seconds? How did he seriously think I was interested?

He was, after all, three years older than I was. Yeah, we talked a lot. Yeah, we spent all our time together. Yeah, we gave occasional hugs and other public displays of affection. But they were older-brother types of P.D.A. You know, the You’re so cute I think I’ll pat you on the head type. Or so I thought.

I was stunned.

“BJ?” Joe asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m only 17,” I said. “I have my whole life ahead of me.”

His eyes opened wide.

“I didn’t diagnose you with cancer,” he said. “I just told you I loved you.”

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

My conversation with Joe left me reeling. What was wrong with me? How did I not see this coming? And most importantly – how could I keep this from ever happening again?

I felt like the villain in a horror movie. I’d just murdered a perfectly good friendship, and there was a bloody mess of emotions on the floor. I was the first person this had ever happened to.Or so I thought– until I talked it over with my girlfriends.

They shared the same story again and again: Girl hangs out with guy. Girl treats guy like friend. Guy reads into it. Girl feels terrible.

My girlfriends and I knew we needed to figure this thing out. What better way than to hear it straight from the source? Our guy-friends Jamin Goeker and Derek Hanisch agreed to give us a peek into what Jamin calls “the hardest material on earth: a guy’s skull”.

HOW GUYS THINK

BJ: What happens in a guy’s mind when a girl spends excessive time with him?

Jamin: Generally we guys read into things too much and see a green light where none exists. It’s a sad fact, but a guy has a hard time keeping his relationships from shifting to the romantic side, and eventually he might talk to you about it.

Derek: We have this habit (in general) of falling for our good female friends.  If we spend a lot of time with you girls, hang out with you a lot, there is this good chance that feelings are going to blossom.

BJ: Yikes. So what does an uninterested girl do when a guy mentions blossoming feelings?

Jamin: If you’re not interested in him, be 100% honest.

BJ: Are you kidding me? And feel like the horror movie villain again?

Jamin: This is not the time to spare feelings. He should have known before he got into this deal that there was a chance of getting hurt. You’re saving him an enormous amount of pain by not leading him on and
then telling him the truth.

BJ: But how can you tell him without being cruel?

Jamin: You may have to give him the cold shoulder for a while. Sometimes it is the most humane thing to do and let me tell you why: Until it’s been firmly established in the guy’s mind that you’re just
friends, he might interpret things you do (going out for a movie, working on a school project together) as a way of saying you like him.

BJ: Is there a way to avoid him thinking I like him in the first place?

Derek: I would strongly encourage you not to spend very much alone time with one specific guy.  A lot of times that’s when the signals get crossed.  Hanging out with a group of friends is a good idea.

BJ: If it’s too late to avoid the miscommunication, can we ever get our friendship back?

Jamin: Let me say that some guys really won’t try to push the relationship. You might be able to be friends, depending on the guy and the contents of his character. But keeping the relationship in the right context is a hard fight for a guy, one he probably doesn’t want to win.

Derek: Even when the feelings aren’t mutual the friendship can continue, as long as communication takes place. Girls, if you don’t like a guy make sure he knows – otherwise he’ll felt led on and hurt more in the end.

So there you have it – straight from the skulls of two real, live guys. Something tells me I should have had this conversation with them before Joe used the “L” word on me. It probably would have saved us a lot of heartache one very awkward moment.

Girls everywhere: we can now step away from the fast-forward button.

****

B.J. and her husband, Ethan, are the editors of www.realteenfaith.com, and the Bare Naked Truth project. You can e-mail them at real[teen]faith[at]gmail[dot]com.

This article is reprinted from Susie Magazine.

Hope is a Beautiful Thing Online Subscription Drive

Have you heard about the Hope is a Beautiful Thing Online Subscription Drive from Hope for Women Magazine?

Here is how to participate: 

Create a facebook event entitled, “Hope is a Beautiful Thing”- use new logo as our banner for this event.

Dates: April 25th to June 25th

Location: everywhere

Description: Thank you for your participation in “Hope is a Beautiful Thing!”

Hope for Women is a quality-oriented, lifestyle magazine dedicated to the betterment of women. We believe in sustaining the mind, body and spirit through unity, understanding and knowledge, thus our goal and purpose is to inspire and fortify women through the experiences of other women, news and innovation, industry, faith, and opportunities that abound therein. Whereas, to meet the needs of women and in support of their roles in modern society, Hope for Women magazine provides an engaging, educational, and uplifting format for their information and pleasure, as well as a comprehensive reference guide in their quest of a purpose-filled life.

Simply, Hope is the magazine that brings women what we need most.

Goal: In celebration of our July, 2011 summer issue release we invite you to subscribe and become an official woman of Hope! Help us reach our goal of 1000 new subscribers in time for the summer launch and get the chance to win cool prizes fresh off our “just gotta have, fun in the sun” hot list found only in Hope’s AMAZING summer issue. Hope is where you can expect to find whatever you need to achieve “Your Best Summer Ever”… from family to food to fashion; Hope has you covered this summer.

How You Can Help: SUBSCRIBE! Then tell your friends to sign up too!

What Do I Win: We’ll be doing random prize giveaways every week during this event! From designer fragrances to must-read novels, fabulous gifts are up for grabs! Join the fun!

Okay, I’m ready! What’s next?

Step 1: Click the subscribe link below and subscribe today! http://hopeforwomenmag.com/subscribe

Step 2: Post to our wall telling us that you have subscribed!

Step 3: Shout out to all your friends ... the more friends you refer, the more Hope grows (and the better your chances for prizes)!

Random drawings will be held once or twice a week for the 8 week period, for a grand total of 8-16 prizes. Process for selecting winners will vary, at the discretion of campaign managers.

Marriage and Church

This morning I was reading in the Psalms and a verse stood out to me. It was like the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Pause and think about this verse for a while." The verse?

For the sake of the house of our God, 
     God, I'll do my very best for you. 
~Ps 122:9 MSG

When we talk about marriage there are many who talk about home logistics and family life and work matters and intimate moments, but have you thought much about your marriage's relationship to the church?

For many years church to John and I was simply another thing to schedule on our to-do list. We signed up for things without really giving any mind to how it would affect our marriage. And during this time our church life became one of the things that pulled us apart.

I was a stay-at-home mom with two toddlers and a baby. John was a church elder, a Sunday School teacher, he did all the computer work for the church and helped in numerous other ways. I knew he was needed at church, but I didn't know how to express that I needed him at home, too. I just kept getting madder and madder, until one day I was ready to pack up and head to my Grandma's for a while!

Needless to say John started to understand and stepped away from a few of his church activities. And for years he was diligent about not overcommitting. For years he "only" led children's church, even though he was often asked to help in other areas. He realized that though he's capable of helping in many areas, he's needed at home, too.

Over the years I've learned the same lesson. Even though I'd love to help with youth group or lead a woman's Bible Study, I focus on assisting John with the children's ministry and working IN the church to reach those OUTSIDE the church through our Teen Mom Support group.

Maybe you're like us. Or maybe you're just the opposite. Maybe to you church is a place you "attend" but you and your spouse haven't taken the time to get involved. Maybe the nudging God is whispering in your heart is saying, "I want you to do more." My husband has always said, "Church service should be a verb, not a noun." We all should be doing something.

According to Psalm 122:9, for the sake of the house of our God, we need to do our very best for Him. For some couples this "very best for God" may be stepping down from a few things. For other couples, it may be stepping up. If you think about it, if everyone was faithful in completing the role God asked of him or her, no one would be doing too much. And no one would be doing too little.

If all of us considered our marriage and our roles in the church--and took that to prayer--God would show us the perfect balance there, too.

Thursday on Living Inspired Erin Healy

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

Don't miss this week's show. My guest will be talented author Erin Healy. Erin is an award-winning fiction editorwho has worked with talented novelists such as Frank Peretti, Lisa Samson, Ted Dekker, and many more. After editing twelve of Dekker's heart-pounding stories, they decided to collaberate on a series of novels, the first of which, Kiss, was the first novel to seat her on “the other side of the desk. Erin is also the owner of WordWright Editorial Services, a consulting firm specializing in fiction book development. She lives with her family in Colorado.

In addition to Erin's writing, we'll also be chatting about raising teens and being vigilant to be the loudest and most compelling voice they hear each day. We'll hear about Erin's family's own struggle with teen bullying and depression.

For more information about Erin, visit her website: www.erinhealy.com


More about Erin's latest book, The Promises She Keeps: Promise, a talented young singer with a terminal illness, is counting on fame to keep her memory alive after she dies. Porta is an aging sorceress and art collector in search of immortality.

When Promise inexplicably survives a series of freak accidents, Porta believes that she may hold the key to eternal life.

Enter Chase, an autistic artist who falls in love with Promise and fascinates her with his mysterious visions and drawings.

Soon, all are plunged into a flesh-and-blood confrontation over the mystery and the cost of something even greater than eternal life…eternal love.

For a chance to win Erin's book, please leave a comment {HERE} (and your email address) and we'll select one winner next week to receive a copy of The Promises She Keeps. The winner will be notified via email.

ACW 2011 Little Rock, AR Writer's Conference

Are you a writer living in or near Little Rock, Arkansas? Then you're invited to the American Christian Writer's Conference and Writing Contest on Saturday May 21st from 9 am - 4 pm at Summit Church in North Little Rock.

I'll be teaching a workshop titled Launch Your Writing Career. Other workshops include Writing Fiction, Articles and Devotionals: Getting Short Pieces Published, and more.

Bonus! The first 25 paid registrations will receive a copy of Beside Still Waters and a gorgeous matching Amish Calendar. The next 25 paid registrations will receive the Amish Calendar.

For more information please email LRACW@yahoo.com or visit their Facebook Page.

Oh no, oh my!

Are you afraid?
   
Fear in mothering tangles around our hearts for many reasons. Sometimes we're so concerned about not making the right choice that we become unable to take a step. Of course, the steps happen whether or not you choose them. Kids continue to grow. Life is always in a state of change.
   
Fear also comes when we don't want to experience the disapproval of others. More than once I've pushed aside my common sense and volunteered for something because I didn't want to displease.

I don't know what you're afraid of—what makes you push aside your common sense—but these are a few things that have burdened my heart:

• Other people will think I'm a bad mom if I don't ... (insert “opportunity”).
• My kids won't be able to keep up with other kids.
• My mom/friend/neighbor will think poorly of me.
• Everyone will know how incapable I am.
• My kids will miss out.

When making any decision, we need to ask ourselves, “Am I making this decision out of fear, or am I doing it because it's God's choice for my family at this time?”
   
For example, if you have a preschool age child and you're considering adding another activity to your week, one common sense question to ask is: “Is my four-year-old physically, mentally and emotionally ready for team sports, organized education, or artistic development?”
   
In a society that praises accomplishment, children are often forced to take on roles they’re not comfortable with or ready for. Kids are compelled to grow up sooner than they want to—by parents who worry they’ll be left behind.
   
As parents, we should never be fooled to think we can ever ‘keep up.’ In every area of our children’s lives, someone else will always be brighter, faster, or better. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting our children to be the best they can. But often this “best” becomes detrimental when we push our kids to do too much, too soon.
   
I have a huge list of classes, workshops, and “opportunities” that I signed my kids up for not because I felt it was God's plan for our family, but because I was afraid of my kids not being successful in life. I've discovered that even if they do miss out on some things, they benefit from what they get instead—like family dinnertime, stories at bedtime, Scripture memorization with Mom. Things that build a foundation for their future.
   
“The things that are right, noble, and good from the natural standpoint are the very things that keep us from being God's best,” says Oswald Chambers, in one of my favorite devotional books, My Utmost for His Highest.  
   
And we need to remember, God's best will be different for each family. When talk to my friend Martha about this, this is what she had to say: “Being bold means I am bold enough to stand up for my kids if they are being treated wrong even though I am a shy person. I don't make them do gymnastics because that is what I always wanted to do. I buy them shoes that will last all year, but not be as cool as the others, and I have fun with my kids because it is important.”

What about you?

A few good questions to ask yourself are:
    What would be the best things that I could give my child—that would train his heart and prepare him for the future?
    What good things do I need to give up so I can focus on the best?
   
The answers could change everything. And when you do decide, you can step out with boldness.

Get out of the "Poor Me" trap!

I used to ask God to help me. Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking Him to do His work through me. ~ Hudson Taylor

Some people look at their lives and say, "Poor me." They look at their home and wish it were bigger, better, or more organized. They look at their bodies and feel like they don't measure up. They look at their spouses, their kids, and themselves and the flaws become their focus. I've found the best way to beat these feelings of inadequacies is to get out and give. Helping other people not only takes our focus off our shortcomings, but it makes us feel better about ourselves. More than that, we touch lives and connect hearts!

Here are four ways to C-A-R-E.

C-Consider. Think about a time in your life when someone made an impact on you. Maybe it was a special teacher or your favorite coach. Maybe it was a caring family who reached out to you when you were down on your luck. Or perhaps just the kind words from a considerate friend. After you think about a way you were impacted, consider how you can touch someone else's life in the same way. For me, I clearly remember the love and care expressed to me when I was a pregnant teenager. Instead of looking down on me, my mother and grandmother's friends loved and support me. They gave me a baby shower. They encouraged me to be the best mom I could be. Remembering this, I started helping teenage mothers in my area. I've made wonderful friends, and I've encouraged these young women to do great things!

A-Act. It's one thing to consider great things. It's another to act on them! After I decided to reach out to teen mothers I found an organization that would give me help and support (www.mops.org/teen). I also recruited friends to help. Soon we had a weekly support group attended by thirteen mentors and 25 young women. Everyone was blessed—both those who received and those who gave.

R-Reflect. After we start giving, caring and serving, it often becomes easy to "get caught up in the motion." We get used to helping people and sometimes we forget to appreciate what's really happening on deeper levels. I like to spend my morning quiet time reflecting on the events of the previous day, writing down notes of thanksgiving for the smallest successes. For example, the fact that a young mom has continued to visit the support group is a huge success. Or to see a young mom speak kindness instead of anger to her child is another success. I also like to write notes of thanksgiving for all that I've been given. When I realize God has given me the resources, ability, and desire to serve, then the work seems doubly worth the effort.

E-Enjoy the process. In all areas of life we often focus on a goal and strive to get there as soon as possible, but it's a whole other gift to enjoy the process. Whether you realize it or not, we do set goals for others. If we are taking the time to care, we want to see them improve. Yet, sometimes if we're focused too much on the final product, we don't enjoy the daily steps: the encouraging words, the smiles, the laughter, and even the tears. Life is happening today and it should be enjoyed through every step.

A student of God's Word.

My two girls, Leslie and Alyssa, share a room. They're 18-years-old and .. 13 months old! Yesterday when I was putting by baby down for a nap I picked up my teen daughter's Bible for a few minutes of quiet time. I opened her Bible to the Psalms and found the perfect verse:

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. Ps 34:5

It was just the Scripture I needed and it popped out to me as I flipped through the pages because Leslie had highlighted the Scripture verse in orange. In fact, as I looked through the Bible I found that most pages has Scriptures highlighted. Some pages had more than one verse marked with notes written in the sidebars. Seeing this filled my heart with joy. The highlights and notes showed me that my daughter was a student of God's Word, not because I demand it (I don't), but because she loves Jesus, and hopefully because she's seen me and her father doing the same.

How often do you spend time in God's Word?

God's Word will ...

give you hope
provide you with peace
point you to the answers
remind you Jesus is with you
open your eyes to the goodness of God

and so much more. Every minute you spend reading the Bible will change you on the inside. It'll also transform how you look at everything and everyone around you.

And who knows, maybe someday your highlighted Scripture verse will encourage someone else at just the right time.

What's in the Bible DVD series - perfect for your child's Easter Basket!

My husband John has been a children's pastor for 15 years and he always loves great, new material. Here is one resource that he thinks is great!

<<<>>>


Do you like VeggieTales, but feel you would like to mix in something with a little deeper dive into our Christian faith? Take a closer look at What is in the Bible by VeggieTales creator Phil Vischer.

Phil has really changed his approach to teaching values and morals since his VeggieTales days. While the VeggieTales were focused on contemporary interpretations of Biblical lessons, this new series focuses on the Bible and the supporting geography and history of the events it discusses. It is pretty interesting to see concepts discussed that go deeper than typical Sunday School lessons (the history of the Bible, how the Bible is divided into sections, the early church, etc.) in a fun and entertaining way.

The songs are actually very witty, telling a compelling story. Definitely one of the strong points in the videos.

The videos don’t show the same polish that his previous work has had, but are fun anyhow. Observing viewers that ranged from 4 yrs old to late elementary (5th grade), I found that all enjoyed what was being taught. The overall vibe felt like the presentation was not hiding that it was a teaching video, especially since there is a lot of information loaded into each video. I almost felt a little nervous that there was going to be a test at the end ;-) There were plenty of laughs intermixed with the content to keep it fun and engaging.

The humor kept it interesting. The characters are fun and each is unique.

Overall, a great addition to our arsenal in teaching children, though probably not the central presentation tool.

 What are some of your favorite resources?

I focused on his flaws.

I lived it my house in Montana for 12 years and I liked it fine. It was large. It was in a great location. It fit our family's needs, but it was the little things that bothered me. A few rooms needed paint. The backyard needed landscaping. I noticed all the areas the needed to be deep cleaned. In fact all the little imperfections were like neon signs to me. IMPERFECT. IMPERFECT.

I didn't truly appreciate my Montana home until we were living 2,000 miles away in a musty, dingy, dark condo. I was thankful we had a place to live, but no matter how I scrubbed it, it didn't feel clean.

Five months later we moved into a NICE apartment. It was clean, fresh, and well taken care of. The problem was within a few months my older kids moved in and my grandma also wanted to move back. The place was nice ... but too small. (I was starting to understand what Goldie Locks felt like!!)

Next, we started looking for a bigger place. Everything was WAY out of our price range. Then, one day on Craig's List I came across a big house. It looked nice on the outside, but once we stepped through the door it was clear it was a fixer upper. It needed new paint, new carpet, new sheet rock. The light fixtures had to be fixed as did 100 other little things. The owner said we could get a reduced rent rate (in our price range) if we helped fix it up. We agreed and we've been busy doing just that. It's a LOT of work!

As I've gone through this process in the last year it's made me think a lot about marriage. Like my Montana house I often did the same thing with my husband. I focused on his flaws: IMPERFECT, IMPERFECT. There were times in the past when I let those flaws fill my vision and I even started to wonder if there was someone better out there. I know friends who've done this too.

Thankfully, I've remained in my marriage, and I love my husband. We're committed for life and I couldn't be happier, but I've had friends move on to other relationships only to discover what I found in our house hunt ... there is no perfect house and there is no perfect spouse. And sometimes we don't appreciate what we had until we've moved on to something/someone else!

Are you spending more time focusing on your spouses flaws than anything else? Pray and ask God to change your heart. There are other relationships out there, but you might just find yourself with an even worse fixer upper than what you have. It may look great out the outside, but it's only as you move in that you discover all the flaws.

Believe me, I've learned from experience!

Thursday on Living Inpsired: Sheila Walsh and Abby Johnson!

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

I'm super excited about this week's show with Sheila and Abby. Both are passionate about things that are near and dear to my heart: tweens and pro-life advocacy. Don't miss a minute of this week's show.

More about Abby and Unplanned: Abby Johnson quit her job in October 2009. That simple act became a national news story because Abby was the director of a Planned Parenthood clinic in Texas who, after participating in her first actual abortion procedure, walked across the road to join the Coalition for Life.

Unplanned is a heartstopping personal drama of life-and-death encounters, a courtroom battle, and spiritual transformation that speaks hope and compassion into the political controversy that surrounds this issue. Telling Abby’s story from both sides of the abortion clinic property line, this book is a must-read for anyone who cares about the life versus rights debate and helping women who face crisis pregnancies.

For more info about Abby, visit her website: http://abbyjohnson.org/

More about Sheila Walsh: Sheila Walsh is a powerful communicator, Bible teacher, and best-selling author with more than 4 million books sold. A featured speaker with Women of Faith®, Sheila has reached more than 3.5 million women  by artistically combining honesty, vulnerability, and humor with God's Word.

Author of the best-selling memoir Honestly and the Gold Medallion nominee for The Heartache No One Sees, Sheila's most recent release, The Shelter of God's Promises, has also been turned into a DVD curriculum and in-depth Bible study. The Gigi, God's Little Princess book and video series has won the National Retailer's Choice Award twice and is the most popular Christian brand for young girls in the United States.

Sheila co-hosted The 700 Club and her own show Heart to Heart with Sheila Walsh. She is currently completing her Masters in Theology.

Twitter @SheilaWalsh, facebook.com/sheilawalshconnects

How to Be God's Little Princess: What does it take to be a princess? Sheila Walsh has some important answers to share for every little girl. This trendy design features black & white line art and a two-color pink and black interior. The art will tie to each how-to topic in the book—how to make the best pink cookies, how to wear a tiara, how to earn money at home, how to care for a royal dog, how to be respectful, how to use good manners, how to help Mom, how to follow Jesus, how to act like a princess when things go terribly wrong, and many more.

Sheila Walsh is celebrating the release of How to Be God’s Little Princess with a KINDLE giveaway and Facebook Princess Tea Party! “In How to Be God’s Little Princess, it’s my prayer that young girls will learn important life skills and discover for themselves how to navigate the do’s and don’ts of life. I want them to see that making wise decisions about clothes, friends, family, make-up, and more can be FUN! – Sheila Walsh Read what people are saying here. Sheila has put together a Princess prize package worth over $200!

 One lucky winner will receive:   
* A brand new KINDLE with Wi-Fi & New Pearl Screen   
* How to Be God’s Little Princess   
 * A Princess Tea Kit (includes princess backpack, tiara, book, jewelry making kit, & mug)

To enter click on entry ports below, then tell your friends! Hurry, giveaway ends 4/30! But wait! There’s more … On May 4th join Sheila at her Author Page on Facebook for the Princess Tea Party! She will announce the winner of the KINDLE, connect with readers and give away a ton of fun products from the Gigi and God’s Little Princess line! Tweens invited! Don’t miss the fun! She is looking forward to connecting and learning more about you – so be sure to stop by on May 4th at 5:00 PM PST (6 PM MST, 7 PM CST, & 8 PM EST).

Enter Via:

Pick a path, any path … or not!

Hopefully, you've taken some time to consider what DOESN'T fit in your life. If you haven't taken time to go through your list of responsibilities I encourage you to do that now. (And if you don't know what I'm talking about, read my previous blog posts here and here.)
   
Of course, just because you've fixed that auto-pilot problem doesn't mean you're on the right track. Not going the wrong way is one thing. Choosing the right path is quite another.
   
Have you ever felt like you were wandering all over the place? I'm raising my hand on that one … and waving it, too! There is a common sense about ordinary things, like not letting your child touch a hot stove or not to keep scissors low where little hands can reach them. For me, additional common-sense-training started by doing a couple of few key things:

• Observing other moms around me and noting what worked and what didn't. (We don't always have to make the same mistakes to learn!)
• Digging into God's Word, and making Bible study a part of everyday life … which is what I want to chat about.

 I started daily Bible reading when my second child, Leslie, was a baby. I remember setting the alarm clock to wake up 15 minutes before the kids. That time in God's Word made a huge difference. My whole day changed when I focused on God and invited Him into my little world. Also, God's sense soon became my own. (Another way common sense is learned!)
   
As I read about God's work among the people in the Bible, I began to understand His work in the world, in my life, and with my kids.
   
One of the greatest examples was reading about Jesus. If anyone had the ability to help people and to improve their lives it was He. Yet, Jesus wasn't on the go 24/7. He went off alone to pray. He hung out with close friends. He served. He picked out certain tasks on certain days.
   
“Jesus understood what it meant to prioritize and to balance,” says Richard Swenson (M.D., author of The Overload Syndrome). “It’s okay to have limits. It is okay not to be all things to all people all of the time all by ourselves. At any given moment, the most important thing in life is the person standing in front of us.”
   
This makes sense, and—as a mom—I realized the people standing in front of me most were my kids. They were my greatest responsibility. When I focused on God, He helped me to give priority to the little ones who called me Mom.
   
That was just a start, though. As I dug into God's Word, He taught me another lesson. Through Scripture and God's whispers to my heart, I realized that my common sense often got pushed aside because of two big reasons: Fear and Urgency. Learning to battle these evil twins increased my common sense knowledge, too.
   
And the more I read God's Word I discover God had two other things for me to focus on instead: grace and patience. Grace reminded me that I am not perfect and my kids were not (and would never be) perfect.
   
Patience was the other side of the coin that reminded me when I continued to dig into God's word, He would transform me more and more into the image of His son. And He'd also provide me with the wisdom and tools to help Him in the modeling process of my kids.
   
When talking to my friend, Cara, I learned God had been teaching her the same lesson.
   
“God gives me grace and patience when I need it, wisdom in abundance, and insight to see my kids and their challenges and potential the way that He does,” she told me.
   
The good news is, God can provide the same for you, too. Just dig in to the Good News … it's a perfect place to start and will carry you through to the end.

"How do you do it all?"

One of the questions I'm asked all the time is, "How do you do it all?" Even though I've answered this over and over again, here's the answer one more time: "I don't."

Each of us has the same number of hours in the day, and even though some of us have a bit more drive and stamina, life has a way of throwing us challenges. Even when I have my writing schedule and family schedule figured out, sometimes there are surprises, like my grandma moving back to live with us (yeah!), and us having to move into a bigger house for room (yeah for the house, not-yeah for the move).

I'll admit that as the move approached I was overwhelmed. A book deadline drew close and I was far from done. The house packing wasn't going as quickly as planned. AND my sweet baby wasn't her typically sweet self. First, because she was teething, and second because her family was packing and moving stuff and she couldn't quite understand what was going on!

Soon I found myself in tears. How was I going to handle it all? I couldn't. I was at the end of my rope, but I new where to turn.

1. I turned to God. I cried out to Him in prayer. I got on my knees and turned to Him.

2. Through Facebook, Twitter, and personal emails I asked my friends to pray for my peace and strength.

It was amazing. I felt the prayers. My situation hadn't changed, but in an hour I felt a lot better.

3. I asked for help. I humbled myself, and I sent an email to friends and asked for help packing and moving. Later that afternoon I heard that help was coming!

4. I asked for grace. I asked for more time for my writing project. Grace was given and the burden I was carrying felt lighter. (I'm so thankful for understand editors!)

5. I focused on God. I turned K-LOVE on the radio and I sang worship songs as I packed. The music and words reminded me of the love of God. I remembered He walked with me through it all.

As of this movement, the move isn't finished. There are still boxes to haul, boxes to unpack, and old apartment to clean and a new house to settle into. Yet I'm reminded again that even when we can't do it all, we can call out for help. God puts people in our lives to walk with us--or in our case haul WAY too heavy boxes. He's also there to strengthen and give us peace for whatever challenges lie ahead.

Winners, winners ... I've got winners!

A few weeks ago I ran a promotion on my blog where I asked you all to post my video on your blogs/websites and in exchange I would enter you into a drawing to win some GREAT Beside Still Waters merchandise!

Well. Wow - the participation was outstanding! A great big THANK YOU to each one of you who helped me spread the word about Beside Still Waters. Everyone who emailed myself or my assistant Amy will be receiving a calendar - those are on the way. In addition, some of you won coffee and books. So, without further delay ... here are those winners! (You can expect to receive your prize by mid-May.)

    * 30 of you will receive a Leiva's coffee gift ... made especially for Beside Still Waters.

Waylon Lockhart, IN
DeaLynn Boom, MT
Jenny Waltman, TX
Edna Tollison, SC
Julie Chandler, Canada
Jodie Moore, SC
Tim Chavel, NC
Susan Nyongesa, MI
Patti Everett, WA
Deanne MacBurnie, Canada
Jan Griffin, MT
Charlotte Satlzman, OH
Laura Hilton, AR
Laurie Genishi, HI
LP Decarlo, TN
Mindy Curtis, NC
Suzanne Parker, AR
Kimberly Rueter, CA
Meagan Davenport, WA
Denise Manly, NJ
Cindy Bazzy, MD
Beth McMullin, TX
Robin Arnold, VA
Tammy Luccketta, CA
Barbara Beers, VA
Brenda Miller, PA
Lynne Chapman, IN
Hilary St. Laurent, GA
Ann Hibbard, AR
Kennisha Hill, TX

    * 10 of you will receive a signed copy of Beside Still Waters

Dorothy Powell, FL
Christine Hall, OH
Nikki Mitchell, WA
Louisa Cran, VA
Tricia Siclari, LA
Steph Warden, AR
Melissa Morris, TX
Carolyn Losey, MI
Myra Schlosser, TX
Jill Martin, TX

    * 5 of you will receive both a signed book and the coffee

Dori Davis, OK
Alison Gillaspie, KY
Carol Price, Pa
Shawna Lee, SC
Angela Rogers, NC

    * and ONE lucky person will get TEN signed Tricia Goyer novels, including Beside Still Waters, coffee, and a calendar! How fun is that?!

Patsy Houston, MI

Thursday on Living Inpsired: The Story behind Beside Still Waters

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

I'm so excited to have my friends, the Eash's on the show this week. My new book, Beside Still Waters is loosely based on events in their lives. I can't wait for you to meet them. Today we'll be talking about the book, the stories behind the story, the Amish community in Montana, and their Amish heritage. I'll be giving away a few copies of the book, so be sure to leave a comment {HERE} for a chance to win one. (Don't forget your email address!)

And be sure to catch Suzanne Woods Fisher's show, Amish Wisdom (she's on right after Living Inspired) she'll be interviewing all of us about the book, what it was like working together, and what we learned in the process. I'll also get to chat a bit about my next non-fiction release, Praying For Your Future Husband.

About Beside Still Waters: Marianna Sommer believes she knows where her life is headed. Nineteen years old and Amish, her plan is to get baptized into the church, marry Aaron Zook, and live in the only community she's ever known.

When Marianna's family moves from Indiana to Montana she discovers life and faith will never be the same. As she builds an easy friendship with local guy, Ben Stone, Ben not only draws her heart, he also gets her thinking about what loving God and living in community is all about.

As Marianna struggles to find "home", she also encounters God in intimate ways.
Meet the Eash's:

THEN:

NOW:

Bedtime Prayers and Promises - WINNERS!

Thanks to all who entered to win this ADORABLE book!

Congrats to Leona and Anne Payne - you both won!

 @cheryleklund won a copy for tweeting!

Please email my assistant Amy (amy@triciagoyer.com) with your mailing address.

Creating my kids in my own image.

One thing that has always gotten me overbooked and overwhelmed was trying to create my children in “my own image.” No, I'm not talking about making mini-mes. I'm talking about the image in my mind. A mix of kid that looked like a Gap Kids model, played sports like baby Olympic athletes, and were as scholarly as miniature Albert Einsteins (without the frizzly hair).
   
Then God reminded me I didn't need to envision who my kids should be. He'd already taken care of that. My kids weren't empty vessels after all. God created him in unique ways. Ephesians 2:10 talks about this, “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (NIV).
   
Just as God created me to do good works (in my family, my home, my community, my world), He did the same for my kids. Boldness came when I studied my kids and figured out what made them tick. While it wasn't possible to look at my three-year-old son and know what he was going to be when he grew up, I discovered he liked listening to stories and building Lego creations. At age six I discovered t-ball was not his thing. In 8th grade I discovered basketball was.
   
It was hard though, focusing on my child INSTEAD of focusing on the image in my head. From the first moment I saw Cory my mind was filled with big dreams for him. My Mommy Sensibility involved laying aside my dreams and discovering God's.
   
“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child,” says actress Sophia Loren. The cool thing was God thought of my kids first.

Talking to teens about S_X!

I found this article in the The Washington Post's On Faith column about parents talking to their kids about sex. I think it has some useful tips.

Talk frequently with your kids. The “sex talk” is not a one-off conversation. Regular dialogue about sexuality should begin when children are young and last until they’re married for the sake of loving, biblical guidance. The fact is parents are not always able to shelter their kids from every single outside influence. Whether information is coming from neighborhood kids or through inappropriate media content (even when its viewed accidentally), healthy, regular rhythms of communication are vital.

As an example from the statistics, a staggering 90 percent of children between the ages of 8 to 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally. The average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old and the largest consumers of Internet pornography are 12- to 17-year-old boys. Youth with significant exposure to sexual media were shown to be significantly more likely to have had intercourse at ages 14 to 16 . That means that the average age for first intercourse in the United States is now 16.4.

A parent must remain aware of the questions and curiosities of their child(ren) and speak frankly–but not crassly–with biblical wisdom like the parents in Proverbs. Take care to never shame or embarrass your child, but treat them respectfully as an emerging, fellow adult. Read the rest here.

If you'd like further wisdom on the topic, here is a link to a little booklet that I came across while looking for gospel-based resources on the topic of talking to teens about sex from Paul David Tripp, Teens & Sex: How Should We Teach Them?  This is a great resource!

I hope this information is helpful.

How have you approached the "talk/s" - what resources did you find helpful?

Bedtime Prayers and Promises--an Easter gift to cherish

Growing up, Easter was a time of pretty dresses, Easter egg hunts and the hint of spring. It was my grandmother who picked out a pretty dress for me to wear on Easter morning. It was my mother who curled my hair and offered a chocolate bunny and other treats.

Once I had my own children, I looked forward to picking out a nice dress and suits, but also as a follower of Jesus I wanted my children to focus on the real meaning of the holiday. From the time they were young instead of picking out an Easter basket filled with all the treats, my husband John and I purchased a Christian book, video or music CD for each of them—something they could continue to enjoy throughout the the year. Something that would remind them of Jesus's love.

This Easter our new baby girl is just one-years-old. I thought about different resources that I could give her, and then I found the perfect one: a DaySpring's Recordable Storybook: Bedtime Prayers and Promises. If you've seen some of the recent Hallmark commercials you know what I'm talking about. Recordable Storybooks are ones that you record your voice (or someone else's) and your child can hear the story read by someone they love whenever they flip through the pages.

When I first got the idea, I just assumed that I'd record my voice, or John and I would record our voices together. Then I got to thinking … this would be a perfect gift to include another person who loves Alyssa that lives far away, and I knew the perfect person.

You see, Alyssa joined our family through adoption a year ago. Alyssa has been a joy and a gift to our family. We've also enjoyed a relationship with her birth mom. We share our lives through photos and by sending weekly updates, but how much more special it would be if Alyssa's birth mom could record her voice in a beautiful storybook!

I love this idea because it reminds Alyssa's birth mom that we appreciate her and the gift of life she gave us. It will also help Alyssa to be familiar with her birth mom's voice so in the future when they talk over the phone or see each other Alyssa will understand she's talking to someone who cares and not a stranger.

How about you? Do you have a special child in your life who'd you like to share Bedtime Prayers and Promises with? If so, I'm going to give you a chance to be blessed!

I have TWO copies of Bedtime Prayers and Promises to give away. You can win by sharing a comment (short or long!) in this post. Please share:

1. A special Easter present you received as a child
2. Your favorite childhood book
3. Who you'd like to give a copy of Bedtime Prayers and Promises too.
   Or
4. Who you'd ask to record this book for your child and why.

Don't forget to leave your email address so I can contact you if you win!

I will draw TWO winners next Tuesday, April 12^th. I'm drawing it early so that if you don't win you have plenty of time to purchase your own copy! They are being sold exclusively through Christian retailers.

But wait …. I'm also going to be giving away a THIRD copy of Bedtime Prayers and Promises to a random tweeter. Post the following, and I will draw a winner from all who tweeted.

Have you seen recordable storybook Bedtime Prayers & Promises available at Christian retailers? Like @triciagoyer I can't wait to share it with my child!

You can post this as many times as you'd like for more chance to win … as long as you don't drive your Twitter friends crazy :)

May you and a special child be blessed this Easter!

Thursday on Living Inspired: The John & Tricia Goyer Anniversary Show!

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

Thursday the 7th is John and I's wedding anniversary. I thought it would be fun to have him on the show and talk about marriage, parenting, & life. :) Have a question for us? Email it to amy@triciagoyer.com or leave it on this post.

The official show blurb: John and Tricia Goyer live in Little Rock Arkansas with Tricia's grandmother, their four children, daughter-in-law, and grandbaby on the way. (All in one house!)

John and Tricia got married when she was 18-years-old and he was 23 and they're celebrating their 21st Anniversary TODAY on Living Inspired.

In addition to working at FamilyLife (www.FamilyLife.com), John is the lead children's pastor at Mosaic Church (www.mosaicchurch.net). His passion for children's ministry seeped over and Tricia and their kids have been involved, volunteering with him for years.

Tricia is the author of 25 books, 500+ magazine articles, and a gazilaon blogs (or so it seems). She loves her family, her weekly radio show, and mentoring Teen MOPS. Leave a comment {HERE}to win a copy of Tricia's Generation NeXt Marriage: The Couple's Guide To Keeping It Together.

On today's Living Inspired John and Tricia are going to talk about their romance, their challenges in marriage, and how they've helped each other follow their dreams. You won't want to miss it!

Want to write your personal story and have it published?

 Here's how to do that in less than 100 words:

Check out the book "A Story is a Promise." It's a GOOD one to get you started!

Then look over other books and try to find one that you like the format of.

Next, write YOUR story in the same format. Publishers like the same type of formats. The stories are different, but there's no need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to format.

Finally, write your story out, and then find a critique group or hire someone to edit it for you.

Then submit it to publishers via the information you find in The Christian Writer's Market book!

That good ole' sense of responsibility...

I've been on auto-pilot many times as I've driven home from the grocery store. It's not until I pull onto my street that I realize I can't remember the last ten minutes and six miles. I've taken that route so many times I don't think about when to turn, when to speed up, and when to slow down. Then I wonder … did I stop at the red light? Did I check for anyone crossing the sidewalk? Auto-pilot scares me.

In parenting, there are three types of auto-pilot:

The Questions:

1.     Where am I? You're in a different neighborhood than you anticipated. Suddenly you look around and realize your child should have been potty-trained three months ago or he not only knows how to turn on the computer, but he also knows how to find his favorite cartoons and start watching them online! (Both are from experience.)

2.     I'm who? There are moments when you're cooking dinner or cleaning bottoms (not at the same time!) when you wake up and realize, I'm the mom. These are my kids and this is my responsibility!

3.     What am I doing? Auto-pilot can affect your mind, heart, and schedule. Your day starts off like any other, but soon you find yourself in the crazed middle of it, questioning how your life ended up so busy. Your mind is full of thoughts and worries that won't stop, and your heart is burdened by too many things.

The Answers:   

1    Yes, you are in unfamiliar territory. (News flash—as long as your kids grow and change you will always be in unfamiliar territory.)

2    Yes, you are the mom ... even though you still feel like the thirteen year old lip singing to “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” inside.

3    Yes, auto-pilot has plopped you in the middle of the Daytona 500, but Mommy Sensibility can help. In fact a great place to start is asking this question: “What good things you can cut out to make room for the best things.”

I'd love to hear your answers!

Trust ... gotta have it!

My daughter Leslie (18) is a bold person. When she sees someone sitting alone in a room she's the first one to head over and introduce herself. Leslie doesn't shy away from spiritual topics either. She's not an in-your-face type of person, but if the opportunity comes up for her to talk about God she'll take it.

One of the things that has helped Leslie is our training to go to on a mission trip to The Czech Republic. In a country where the majority of people are atheists, sharing your faith can be intimidating.

During our training there were many things that were useful, but one resource helped more than them all and it was this book: I Once Was Lost. It helped because it pointed out the #1 thing you need to do when you're approaching someone ... get them to trust you.

For someone to trust you, you need to be a trustworthy person. You act nice because of the goodness inside, not just because you want something from the other person. You talk to them and care for them because you really care, not because you think that talking to people is what Christians are supposed to do.

When people start trusting us, they get a different idea about Christians. Soon they start asking questions, thinking about Jesus, and considering changes in their own lives.

I'm sure Leslie doesn't think, "I need to make this person trust me .." before she approaches people, but deep down it starts with that. When she makes a new friend she's now worried about if or when they'll find salvation in Christ, she's thinking only about that person, at that time, and how she can open up herself as a friend. It's a good example to follow.

Beside Still Waters Giveaway

I'm so excited to announce that the first book in my Big Sky Amish series, Beside Still Waters, releases this month! The official release date is the 15th, but it's available now at Amazon!

Marianna Sommer believes she knows where her life is headed. Nineteen years old and Amish, her plan is to get baptized into the church, marry Aaron Zook, and live in the only community she's ever known.

When Marianna's family moves from Indiana to Montana she discovers life and faith will never be the same. As she builds an easy friendship with local guy, Ben Stone, Ben not only draws her heart, he also gets her thinking about what loving God and living in community is all about.

As Marianna struggles to find "home", she also encounters God in intimate ways. Watch the trailer here.

The blog tour gets underway on the 4th (read what the reviewers are saying) and to celebrate I'm giving away 10 copies of the book and some super cute antique Amish salt & pepper shakers.

There are five ways of entering: (each constitutes one entry.)

1. Leave a comment below and tell me what about the Amish appeals to you.

2. Read the book and leave a review at Amazon.com, CBD, B&N, or Goodreads. (leave a comment below with the link to your review.)

3. LIKE me on Facebook (leave a comment below letting me know.)

4. Follow me on Twitter. @triciagoyer (leave a comment below letting me knwo.)

5. Tweet this: Check out Beside Still Waters by @triciagoyer - a new Amish series set in Montana. http://ow.ly/4rSDc and enter to win a copy! #MTAmish                  
(hashtag #MTAmish MUST be used - entries tracked via the hashtag.)

Please email amy@triciagoyer.com if you have any questions.

Also - bonus! Each person who does one of the above will receive a FABULOUS Montana Amish Calendar. Just enter the contest by doing at least 1 of the 5 from the list, then fill out this form to receive your calendar. EASY. (While supplies last.) {CALENDAR PROMOTION FULL. THE CALENDARS ARE NO LONGER AVAILABLE.}