Beside Still Waters

I'm currently working on my three-book Amish Series set in Northwestern Montana. The first novel, Beside Still Waters will be out next spring. I love the cover!

Marianna Sommer believes she knows where her life is headed. Nineteen years old and Amish, her plan is to get baptized into the church, marry Aaron Zook, and live in the only community she's ever known.

When Marianna's family moves from Indiana to Montana she discovers life and faith will never be the same. As she builds an easy friendship with local guy, Ben Stone, Ben not only draws her heart, he also gets her thinking about what loving God and living in community is all about.

As Marianna struggles to find "home", she also encounters God in intimate ways.

Pre-Order this Book

What I'm Reading ...

All are worth a read - check them out! A Vote of Confidence, Sisters of Bethlehem Springs Series #1 by Robin Lee Hatcher Guinevere Arlington has spent seven years in Bethlehem Springs, Idaho---and now she's running for mayor! But she's backed by a shady lawyer who thinks he can control her---and opposed by a builder who wants support for his resort project. What will Gwen do when she falls in love with the other candidate? A Hopeful Heart by Kim Vogel Sawyer Soon after enrolling in a 19th-century school for ranchers---and aspiring ranchers' wives---Tressa's convinced she'll never have what it takes to brand a calf, ride a horse, or "cook up a mess of grub." Kansas-born Abel Samms would have to agree---but there's something about Tressa that attracts him anyway. Is she the partner he needs? Building a Healthy Multi-Ethnic Church: Mandate, Commitments and Practices of a Diverse Congregation Mark De Ymaz Learn how healthy multi-ethnic congregations can be successfully established and sustained. Pastor of Mosaic Church of Central Arkansas Mark DeYmaz has developed his congregation into a highly successful multiracial congregation. He shares the seven core commitments necessary for a church of diverse cultures to flourish in a healthy context. And a book I endorsed: (great book!) Confessions of a Prayer Slacker by Diane Moody Let's face it. Most of us are clueless at praying. Why is that? And how come we've never done anything about it? In Confessions of a Prayer Slacker, author Diane Moody traces her own personal prayer journey with a touch of humor and a healthy dose of transparency. ''I want my readers to stop the merry-go-round of prayerlessness, quit acting like a bunch of spiritual babies, and get serious about this thing called prayer. Without it, we'll never experience the warm, one-on-one relationship God desires to have with each one of us.'' My thoughts: "I have to admit once I started reading Prayer Slacker, I couldn't read more than a few pages at a time. Why? My heart was so pricked I had to put down the book and PRAY!" - Tricia Goyer, author of twenty-four books, including Blue Like Play Dough: The Shape of Motherhood in the Grip of God.

Writing with Maureen Lang

Today we're going to talk about writing with amazing author Maureen Lang. If you missed her interview on Living Inspired a few weeks ago, listen to it here. Maureen shared about her writing life and life as a mom to a special needs son. Super cool lady!

1. Maureen, tell me about your newest book. Where did you get the idea?

My new release is titled Whisper on the Wind, a story about a young woman who tries to prove herself not only grown up, but a patriotic Belgian during the German occupation of the First World War. She’s in love with someone who’s always seen her as too young, but when she forces her way into working alongside of him on a secret, illegal newspaper that refuses to submit to German censorship, she hopes he’ll notice her at last. He does, but if it costs her life, what good is it all?

The idea came to me when I was reading about the First World War (1914-1918) and kept coming across references to a Belgian newspaper that everyone called “noble” or “brave.” So what made it noble and why was it brave? When I found out everyday citizens produced it underground, wanting to fight the Germans in the only way they knew how—with words—I knew it was a story I wanted to write. The research was fun, and I fell in love with the characters while they were all falling in love with each other. Lots of fun!

2. What writing advice would you give yourself if you could send an email back five years?

I’d tell myself to enjoy the entire process of writing, just for the love of writing. It’s true that I’ve always loved certain aspects of writing. The research, the discovery of a real story acted out by memorable characters, fitting all the pieces of plot and research together. But there are some things I haven’t enjoyed about writing and it’s mainly because I didn’t trust the writing process and how deeply ingrained this whole writing thing is in me. The truth is, every time I start a book I wonder what in the world I was thinking to believe I could write a book.

But then I get going with it and somehow it gets written. Before that kicks in, though, I know I would enjoy gathering all the pieces of a solid plot—if I trusted the process will work. So I’d tell myself to forget the insecurities.

The book will write itself if I just keep researching and daydreaming about the characters.

3. Many people want to write a book. What three tips would you suggest for getting started?

First, I’d tell them to study the market. What kind of book do they want to write? Read everything that excites them, but especially the kind of book that inspires them to want to do the same with their own writing. Books that are successfully published are on store shelves for a reason, and we can all learn from what’s working. Second, I’d tell them to join a critique group, find a critique partner, or join an online writer’s group (such as American Christian Fiction Writers, if they’re interested in writing Christian fiction). Writing can be a lonely endeavor and it’s nice to get connected. Plus, writers are a very supportive bunch and it’s nice to share the journey with others who understand. And finally I’d tell them not only to pray about their hopes and dreams, putting them into the Lord’s hands, but also to ask others to pray for them in this regard. God really does want what’s best for us, so it’s nice to be reminded that handing over those goals is in our own best interest.

4. Which of your personality traits show up in the characters of your novel?

I’ll have to choose impatience over some of my other, perhaps more flattering personality traits. I try to cover up my character’s impatience with an endearing edge (because, after all, we can make them more attractive in a rewrite) but when you get down to it, I’m often impatient and that seems to show up in more than a few of my characters.

Do you suppose God’s trying to teach me something? Hmmm…

5. Tell us about the editing process. Some authors love it. Others hate it. How much editing gets done on your books? How do you approach the process?

When I sit down to write in the morning I go back to the last couple of chapters I wrote before that day, to see what’s just happened. This gives me a feeling of continuity so I can more easily pick up the story. As I’m re-reading those most-recently written pages, I take my first stab at revision. Some days I’m pleasantly surprised by what’s there, other days I end up spending much of my day rewriting what I wrote the day before, and continue on from there with very little new material.

The next day I do it again, going back, revising, continuing from there until eventually I reach THE END. (Precious words!) At that point I give myself a few days off. I pick up something else to read, watch a couple of good movies, visit with friends or family, which has often been far too neglected while I’m on deadline. Depending on how much time I have before the deadline (anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks), I go back to the very beginning with some semblance of a fresh eye and read the entire manuscript as a whole for the first time. This is usually a lot of fun, when I see how the pieces ended up fitting into a real, cohesive story.

Of course, I may find some serious fixing to do, but overall I love the revision process because I have something to work with. Starting a new book is a bit daunting, because there’s nothing there yet! I also have a critique partner, and sometimes a few first readers (people who don’t write, but love to read). Outside input is so important to me before submitting my work to my editor; it gives me a more realistic picture of what I have. But, inevitably, there are more revisions to come once my editor has a look at it. And again, I dive in from the beginning. Only the author’s name goes on the cover, but honestly by the time most books are in print, the story has been influenced by any number of others. Having other opinions, especially an expert’s like the editors I’ve worked with, makes revising at this point really valuable. I can honestly say each and every book I’ve written has been so much stronger for having so many eyes on it!

Anything else you'd like to add?

I always call the publishing industry a wonderful/terrible business. It’s wonderful because, as a reader, I’m grateful for all of the writers and editors and publishers out there who’ve provided me with countless hours of respite, escape, entertainment, education, hope and bolstered faith.
It’s also wonderful to have been blessed with seeing so many of my own stories given life and offered to the widest possible audience. But writing is not a job for the faint of heart. There’s little security in it, less money than almost everyone thinks (except other authors, who quickly learn the truth!), and since taste is and always will be subjective, it’s a business in which a tough skin is a must. From the rejections most if not all of us face in the beginning to those “rotten reviews” we get sooner or later, this is a business with an unpredictable future for most of us.

The key is to do what we do because we love it, never losing sight of the fact God wired us up in certain ways. In the Old Testament, when the Israelites were building the first temple, the Bible says God gave the workers the talent they needed to build the temple with excellence. So if we get to use and then share the talent He gave us, we are blessed indeed.

Thanks so much for sharing Maureen!

If you'd like to learn more about Maureen or her books please visit her website at www.maureenlang.com. You can also connect with her at her blog or on Facebook.

Tomorrow on Living Inspired: Liz Curtis Higgs

Please join me on Thursday as we chat about family and writing with Liz Curtis Higgs!

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.


Join me for Living Inspired this week where we'll chat with guest, Liz Curis Higgs. I'm super excited about this weeks' topic -- mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. My son just got married this month. Sigh...

If you missed this interview with Liz from last March, then be sure to tune in on Thursday.

You may have heard Liz Curis Higgs' name if you've ever read her best-selling series of Bad Girls of the Bible. Liz breathes new life into ancient tales about the most infamous—and intriguing—women in scriptural history, from Jezebel to Mary Magdalene. Biblically sound and cutting-edge fresh, these popular titles have helped more than one million women around the world experience God's grace anew.

A veteran speaker, Liz has presented more than 1,600 encouraging programs for audiences in all 50 states and 11 foreign countries. In 1995, she received the Council of Peers Award for Excellence from the National Speakers Association, becoming one of only 32 women in the world named to their CPAE-Speaker Hall of Fame.

Please join me on Thursday as Liz shares what she's learned about being a mother-in-law. We'll also hear about the latest book(s) from this prolific and wonderful writer, including Here Burns My Candle, a historical novel set in Europe, September 1745.

25 ways to be a good parent

So many times as a parent we focus on all the things we don't get right … or things we think we could do better. I've learned over the years that while I always improve, I also need to celebrate what I do right.

One thing I feel I do right is I've shown my kids that life with God is an adventure. Instead of saying, “I can't do that” I've modeled “With God this is possible!”

Here are what other parents say they've been good at:

Maddy: My husband and I play with our 6 month old. TV is off and she is captivated by our faces and voices. The best!

Rebecca: My kids are all around the same age, and they all talk at once. I love when I look at one child in the eyes and truly listen.

Becky M: I read evening prayers from Liturgy of the Hours to my kids. My 3-year-old Katherine does the alleluias.

Becky P: I don't over-scheduling so we can keep our evenings and weekends focused on family time.

Bart: I love their mother.

Tabitha: I spend time with my kids. Being read to is something my 7-year-old still enjoys.

Mari: I fought to give my son a kidney. I failed. but that was the biggest thing I've ever done.

Joleen: I fix healthy meals for them!!! I feel like it helps them succeed in everything else.

Michelle: Besides x's and o's, I spend time discussing, thinking and praying about each of my kids' unique personalities and needs.

Peggy: I take them places I don't want to go, like skating and the park.

Lynn: I refuse to be shocked by anything my kids (22, 21,18) are willing to talk to me about.

Melanie: I tell my kids everyday how much I love them and kiss them good night before bedtime!

Micelle: I correct my children and hold them accountable for their choices and actions. My children know that they are loved, but it is when I parent them and guide them in the right direction that I feel like I am being a good parent.

Rosa: I read to my children every night at bedtime. My parents never read to me, and I fall asleep if I tried to read anything bigger than a magazine, but my children love reading and I believe it is because I read to them nightly.

Lori: I feel like a good parent because of the rapport that I have with my three children. They know that they can tell me anything, and that I will tell them my honest opinion or what I feel that is in their best interest, and that I will love them regardless of their choices.

Shari: I hold the gospel out to my children on a daily basis and let them see what Christ has done for me and is doing in me. That's means being quick to repent to them and trying to show them grace and compassion, not anger and criticism (which is not easy for me!).

Deborah: I stay in daily contact with my children who are 24 and 21 years old. They call and text me and they have busy lives, so sometimes it's just a simple text message I send to encourage them and maintain a positive influence in their lives.

Jessica: I try to cook for my kids every day using limited processed/prepackaged food—most is fresh and from scratch.

James: I intentionally spend one-on-on time with each child. Saturday morning breakfast works great!

Holly: I remind my two daughters that they are "Blessings" to their daddy and I. I also remind myself and my husband that we are their parents first, and not always a friend!

Rachel: I apologize to my kids when I have treated them wrong. I let them know that I am not perfect and I, too, am still learning.

Billie: I laugh at their antics … especially in situations when one could get really irritated instead.

Mel: I'm available; keep in touch; show and tell my love for them; accept them unconditionally; give them the wisdom of my experience only when asked.

Pam: I always take the time to tuck them in.

Silvia: I tell my kids every day how much I love them and I really mean it.

What about you? What have you been good at? Share your triumph ;) and I'll choose one winner on Friday to receive their choice of Generation Next Parenting: The Savvy Parent's Guide to Getting it Right or Generation NeXt Marriage: The Couple's Guide to Keeping It Together.

Alyssa

She's growing so fast!

First Love

I remember the first time I "fell in love." Steven was the brother of one of my friends. There were two main things that made me interested in him:

1. He was super cute!
2. He liked me as much as I liked him.

Looking back, I dove in way too hard, way too fast. I didn't take time to consider if he was the type of person I could imagine spending my life with. I didn't pay too much attention to his character qualities ... I was too focused on his dazzling baby blue eyes. In the end I gave him all of myself, and I ended up with a broken heart. I want better for you.

Are you interested in someone? Is he a person you'd consider dating? Here are some things to ponder before you draw closer:

1. How is his relationship with God?
2. Would your parents and youth pastor approve?
3. Do you have similar interests?
4. How does he treat his parents and siblings?
5. Does he date just to date, or is he looking for a special person?
6. Does his goals in life match yours?
7. Does he treat women with respect?
8. Would his personality continue to draw you over the years, even if his looks fade?

You don't have to know the answers to all the questions right away, but these are something to consider. HE is something to consider ... before the excited beating of your heart clouds your judgement.

Love Finds You in Victory Heights, Washington

- co-written with Ocieanna Fleiss is available for purchase now! Ocieanna and I had great fun writing this book. We were fortunate to travel to Seattle, (where Ocieanna lives) to interview some actual Rosie the Riveters. So cool! I'm hoping to post more about that soon!

About the book:

The war has stolen Rosalie’s fiancé, Vic, from her forever. But rather than wallow, Rosalie distracts herself by cramming her days full of activity—mainly by shooting rivets into the B-17 bombers that will destroy the enemy.

When a reporter dubs her “Seattle's Own Rosie the Riveter,” even more responsibility piles up. Her strong arms bear all this, but when intense feelings surface for Kenny, the handsome, kind-hearted, and spiritually unwavering reporter, the fear of losing another love propels Rosalie to leave.

It’s only when Rosalie realizes that God has brought her to this place—and this person—for a reason, the sparkling grace of God compels her to let go of her own strength and lean on His, as well as open her heart to love.

Buy the book here.

Eight Great Date Nights by Ginger Kolbaba

Need a kick-start to your relationship? Check out these ideas.

Tired of the old dinner-and-a-movie routine, but not sure what else to do on your date nights? Try these eight ideas to get your creative juices flowing!

1. Take in a local show or concert. Your town is probably teeming with gifted and creative performers at the local high school or college. So check to see what's playing. It's less expensive than the "professional" versions and often just as fun. At the end of the evening, share your favorite moments of the performance. Then "go back in time" to your own high school or college days and reminiscence together about your favorite school event or memory and why it was so special. Or see if you can guess some of the clubs or activities your spouse was involved in.

2. Read a book of short stories out loud to each other. Try different voices for the characters even! You can pick up a book at the library (so it's a free date!), go to a park, a coffee shop, or even just hang out at home. Each of you gets a chance to read. Then talk about what you liked about the story or what you didn't like. Was the writing strong? Did the words flow smoothly? Did the dialogue seem realistic? Which character in the story would you like to be or not be? Why? Then take a turn at rewriting the story and tell each other how you would have changed it.

3. If you have children, ask them to plan your date! Earlier in the week, ask your kids (or friends, if you don't have children) to think of something fun for you and your spouse to do. They get to choose the restaurant and the activity. Then after your date, you and your spouse can give a "report" back telling about the funnest, funniest, or most special part of the evening.

4. Make it a three-course progressive dinner. Rather than going out to eat at one restaurant (how boring!), choose one restaurant for your appetizer, a different one for your main dish, then a third one for dessert. Share one course each if you're low on cash. If you have trouble deciding which restaurants, write down several options for each course, put them in a hat, and pick. As you drive to each, discuss the type of restaurant you would open and what types of each course you'd choose to serve and why.
Read the rest of Ginger's ideas at her post at Kyria. I especially love number 3 - knowing my kids, our date would be zany & and a bit weird. But fun. Definitely fun. :)

What about you ... what is your favorite date night?

Ginger Kolbaba is editor of Marriage Partnership and Kyria.com. She is author of numerous books including the novels Desperate Pastors' Wives and Katt's in the Cradle.

Copyright © 2009 by the author or Christianity Today International/MarriagePartnership.com.

Swimming in Peanut Butter by Linda Ford

I like reading how other authors work. Listen to a famous author tell of his day.

Ernest Hemingway

INTERVIEWER
Could you say something of this process? When do you work? Do you keep to a strict schedule?

HEMINGWAY
When I am working on a book or story I write every morning as soon after first light as possible. There is no one to disturb you and it is cool or cold and you come to your work and warm as you write. You read what you have written and, as you always stop when you know what is going to happen next, you go on from there. You write until you come to a place where you still have your juice and you know what will happen next and you stop and try to live through until the next day when you hit it again. You have started at six in the morning, say, and may go on until noon or be through before that. When you stop you are as empty, and at the same time never empty but filling, as when you have made love to someone you love. Nothing can hurt you, nothing can happen, nothing means anything until the next day when you do it again. It is the wait until the next day that is hard to get through. The Paris Review, Issue 18, 1958

Doesn’t he make it sound like a magical, wonderful process?

It can be. It often is. Other times, for me, writing is like trying to swim in peanut butter. I struggle through a thick mess trying to find a rock, a bit of shore...something…anything that is clear and solid. Bits of ideas make it to the surface. When they do, they are often fragmented and chipped and bear no resemblance to anything solid. It’s a magical, scary, frustrating part of my writing when the story is sticky and uncooperative and when I wonder how, in the past, I ever got from a beginning idea to a fully formed story. The temptation is often to abandon the story and go do something more interesting. But I’ve learned that patient plowing through the quagmire will eventually result in a story. If I just keep picking up the clues and sorting them out.

It’s times like this that encouragement about my writing is valued the most. Someone tells me they enjoyed a book. Or I read a good review. Or I get copies of a new release. I guess it proves (to me) that I can somehow, with perseverance, figure out how to shape this current mess into a story. So I pull out charts and templates, go through my craft lessons and on line courses and slowly start to turn the mess into a story.

Just in case you need some help (not to be confused with procrastination) on your own ‘swimming-in-peanut-butter’ project here are a few sites that might help you.
http://www.sff.net/people/alicia/
http://www.caroclarke.com/writing.html
http://www.charlottedillon.com/WritingRomance.html
http://home.mchsi.com/~webclass/
http://www.kathycarmichael.com/articles-and-seminars/articles-and-workshops/
http://prairiechickswriteromance.blogspot.com/This is a blog but if you check out their archives you will find a wealth of information.

You could also check out my website and go to the articles pages for more help.
www.lindaford.org

About Linda: Linda Ford grew up devouring books and making up stories in her head—often late at night when she couldn't sleep. But she hadn't planned to write. Instead, she dreamed of running an orphanage. In a way, that dream came true. She married, had four homemade children, adopted ten and lived (at times, endured) the dream. During one of those times when the dream seemed more like a nightmare, when several of the kids were teens and acting out in weird and awful ways, she discovered the wonderfully controllable world of writing.

Writing first took her to non-fiction human-interest articles for newspapers and eventually a non-fiction book about tuberculosis set in the 1930s and 1940s (Touched By The White Plague). But romance had always been her first love and she turned to writing love stories. She is multi-published in the CBA market.

She lives on a small ranch in Alberta where she can see the mountains every day. She and her husband continue to enjoy their children and grandchildren. Linda also provides care for a paraplegic, double-amputee man.

She still finds a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction in creating imaginary worlds, only now she does it on paper—or rather, at the computer.

TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer Heather Gemmen Wilson

Please join me on Thursday. My guest is a dear friend who has an amazing testimony of how God uses the difficult things in our life for His good. One night when her husband was gone at a late night meeting, a man broke into Heather's house and raped her while her children slept in their bedrooms. She became pregnant as a result and decided to keep the baby. Don't miss Heather's incredible story of redemption and freedom of forgiveness.

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.
More about Heather: Heather (Hiemstra) grew up near London, Ontario, on a hobby farm where she hiked through corn fields with her faithful collie, swam in a water hole with the ducks, and shoveled manure in pig pens. She is the youngest of five children born to her Dutch immigrant parents, and she also had numerous foster brothers and sisters who made her life very rich. Her parents are godly people who remain strong role models of the faith for her.

Heather moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan to attend Calvin College as a young adult and graduated with two degrees‹a BA and an MRS‹four years later. After graduation, she did editorial work for Zondervan Publishing House.

The Gemmens had two boys together, adopted another, and welcomed their baby girl into the family (see Startling Beauty for more). After ten years living and working in the inner city, the mountains of Colorado began to call their names. The Gemmens relocated to Colorado Springs where Heather took a job at Cook Communications as an acquisitions editor. She began her writing career by authoring children¹s books and she continues to make editing and writing her livelihood today. In 2004 Heather began working from home‹writing and editing for various Christian publishing houses.

After almost fifteen years together, much to Heather's shock and dismay, the marriage disolved when her husband informed her he was leaving. The divorce left Heather devastated. Rejected and afraid, she felt as though she had failed God, her kids, and her ministry. God, however, offers his wonderful restorative love to everyone, and Heather clung to it. The Psalms became her refuge and she discovered for herself how those powerful words restore life.

While attending a writers¹ conference in Florida as the keynote speaker in the spring of 2005, Heather met Larry Wilson, an author and editor from Indiana who was also faculty. They began chatting professionally and soon discovered they had much in common personally as well and five months later they married. Heather and her four kids moved to Indiana, to join Larry and his two children.

In Indiana, Heather's oldest son married and had a child, making her a proud grandmother. Please visit Heather's website: www.heathergemmen.com
About Startling Beauty: Raped in her own home, Heather's terror went beyond her own safety: Were the kids sleeping soundly in the next bedroom, or did their silence mean something else? Would her husband save her, or would he face the same knife she did? And Heather's agony did not end after the rapist left: Against all odds, she became pregnant as a result of the rape. Would she and her husband remain united as they faced the tyranny of the choice before them? Would they endure the strain of anxiety as they waited for HIV test results and answered strange telephone calls?

This gripping true-life story walks readers through Heather's journey—from rape to restoration. Startling Beauty is undeniable proof that God can bring blessings out of the worst situations in our lives.

"Startling Beauty is very moving and encouraging.
It shows how the Lord can heal a shattered heart and bring unexpected and startling blessings even from the darkest experiences of our lives."
—Francine Rivers, award-winning author

"I suggest you run out and get a copy yourself."
—Montel Williams

Win a copy of Heather's book by leaving a comment {HERE}. Be sure to include your email address, the winner will be notified via email.

One Year Older ...

I celebrated my birthday over the weekend. Yes, one year older ...

But, look what I've got to show for those years. Totally blessed.

Hearts at Home Conference this fall!

I'll be teaching Two Workshops at the Mom's the Word Conference

Mom, do you know how valuable you are?

Do you want to be inspired and encouraged?

Are you in need of refreshment or rejuvenation?

Do you want to laugh?


A Hearts at Home conference gives moms the unique opportunity to pause along their mothering journey to refresh, refocus, and renew themselves. The 2010 National Conference, Mom’s the Word, is being held at the Mayo Civic Center in Rochester, MN - Nov. 12, 2010 - Nov. 13, 2010

See what others are saying about a Hearts at Home conference:


“I attended the conference this year for the first time. I enjoyed it immensely. I was lifted up, instructed, convicted, encouraged, and brought to tears, sometimes all at the same time.”

“I loved it. I feel so full of information. I need to sit and read my notes and just process it. It was really encouraging to hear all the speakers and be with all of those moms. Thanks so much! “

“This past weekend was awesome and life changing. This was my first Hearts at Home Conference and I am telling everyone about it. “

“I want to thank you all for keeping these conferences going each year and for making them so refreshing for women at various stages in their parenting.”

Hearts at Home wants all mothers to know how valuable they are!

Click here to register online now!

A Time to Laugh, a Time to Cry

A Time to Laugh, a Time to Cry

Tricia Goyer

Big changes this year. Hard changes. If someone would have told me six months ago that I would have moved 2,000 miles and adopted a baby girl in a very short time period, I would have thought they were joking. For the previous ten years my life was pretty consistent. We attended the same church and lived in the same house. I home schooled my kids and volunteered at our crisis pregnancy center. I had the same friends, met in the same groups, and followed the same routine. Then two blessings came. First my husband was offered his dream job (I'm so excited for him!), and second (and even more exciting!) we were chosen by birth parents to adopt a baby girl.

Alyssa Catherine Marie was born on March 16, 2010. We brought her home March 22nd. March 25^th we loaded up our U-Haul and headed to Arkansas for my husband's new job at FamilyLife. While we were excited about both of these blessings, it was also one of the hardest times of my life. We not only left behind our church, our home, but our friends, our two oldest kids also chose to stay behind in Montana. Every moment of rejoicing over God's goodness was followed by tears. I thanked God but I have to admit I couldn't help but look back and mourn over what we left behind.

And I discovered it's okay to mourn.

When I first cried tears of missing and longing I felt bad. I mean, God had given us what we'd asked for: a dream job, a baby!

Ecclesiastics 3:1-2 & 4 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven... a time to plant and a time to uproot a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

And, if I can contribute my own addition: sometimes they can happen in the same week. Or the same afternoon!

As a mom and wife, each day brings both laughter and tears, and that's okay! Just because we feel good when we laugh doesn't mean we should feel bad when we cry. God has created us to experience all types of emotions, and it's okay to express them. Through my first weeks in our new home I wrote often in my journals. I wrote about what things I was excited about, and I also wrote about what I missed, especially who I missed. I poured out my emotions to God, turning them over to Him. I picture Him laughing with me. I also pictured Him holding me close in my tears.

If I look in the Gospel accounts, Jesus rejoiced with His friends. He also cried with them. Over the last six months I was reminded of that. I also grew closer to Jesus, and through this journey, I discovered that His hand is gentle as He wipes away my tears.

Tips for Young Writers (and all Writers)!

Last March and April my friend Alexa Schnee wrote a series of posts for young writers - here is some more advice from other authors. These are GREAT tips - and not just for young or beginning authors!

Veronica Heley

• Read everything you can lay your hands on, and then think about why you like some books and not others.
• Keep a diary.
• Observe everyone and everything around you and then try to write about it in a letter.
• Once you've learned how to use words, stop the diary and the letters because they'll take time away from writing.

Donita K. Paul

My best writing suggestion for young writers is ... read, read, read and write, write, write. Reading helps your subconscious define what is good and what is inferior. Consciously analyze why a book appealed to you or what was so irritating that it blocked your pleasure while reading. And you must write. You can't just formulate ideas and never get around to the work of writing. The more you write, the more skilled you will become. Just think of athletes training for the Olympics. They have to practice to get there and so do you!

Deb Raney

1. Show, don't tell.
"Paint" a picture with your words.

2. Use the 6 senses. How did it:
look
sound
taste
smell
feel/texture
"feel" (emotional feelings)

3. Choose the perfect word.
Not run. Instead: jog, sprint, trot, scurry, hurry, race, hightail
Not walk. Instead: trudge, amble, plod, slink, traipse, sashay, march, pace
Use strong verbs and use adjectives and adverbs sparingly and carefully

4. POV = Point of View.
Whose scene is it?
Only get "inside" one character's head in each scene.

5. Start in the right place, not necessarily at the beginning.
Where does your character's world change? That's usually the best place to start.
Weave in the "backstory" details later.

6. Use speaker attributions (he said, she said) sparingly.
Use "beats" instead. (He scratched his head; She cleared her throat, etc.)
Make replacements for "said" very rare. (Not: exclaimed, retorted, inquired, etc.)
These are ok: asked, shouted, whispered, murmured…

7. No "talking heads."
Give your characters something to do while they talk.
Be sure that "something" serves more than one purpose
1. Shows something about character's life (job, family, talent, etc.)
2. Shows something about character's mood (angry, happy, confused…)
3. Shows something about character's relationships

8. Read your work aloud (especially dialogue) to hear the poetic rhythm of your story.

TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer Authors Maureen Lang and Cindi Ferrini

Please join me on Thursday as we chat about raising children with special needs. My guests, Maureen and Cynthia are both authors and amazing moms. Come be encouraged by their stories.

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.


About Marueen: Maureen Lang has always had a passion for writing. She hand wrote her first novel around the age of ten, put the pages into a notebook she covered with soft deerskin for a “hardback” cover (nothing but the best!) then passed it around the neighborhood for rave reviews. It was so much fun she’s been writing ever since. Eventually Maureen became the recipient of a Golden Heart Award from RWA, followed by the publication of three secular romances. Life took some turns after that and she gave up writing for fifteen years, until her faith sent her in a new artistic direction. Soon she won a Noble Theme Award from American Christian Fiction Writers, and a contract followed a year or so later for her Inspirational historical fiction Pieces of Silver, (nominated for a Christy in 2007). The sequel, Remember Me, released in February of ‘07. She also has three women’s fiction novels from Tyndale House Publishers, The Oak Leaves released in May of ’07, On Sparrow Hill and My Sister Dilly released in ’08. She has a new 3-book series, the first of which will release from Tyndale in the fall of ‘09, set in Europe during the First World War. Maureen lives in the Midwest with her husband, two sons and their dog, Susie.

About Maureen's latest book: Whisper in the Wind -- Available This Fall! - Whipser on the Wind Book 2 in The Great War series. She risked everything to rescue him. But what if he doesn’t want to be saved?

In Brussels at the height of WWI, a small, underground newspaper is the only thing offering the occupied city hope—and real news of the war. The paper may be a small whisper among the shouts of the German army, but Edward Kirkland will do anything to keep it in print. Meanwhile, Isa Lassone, a Belgian-American socialite whose parents whisked her to safety at the start of the war, sneaks back into the country to rescue those dearest to her: Edward and his mother. But Edward refuses to go, and soon Isa is drawn into his secret life printing the newspaper . . . And into his heart.
For more about Maureen, please visit her website: http://maureenlang.com

About Cindi: Cindi enjoys speaking on topics that will encourage men and women to make a difference in their sphere of influence by being all they can be for the Lord, their families, and themselves. Joe and Cindi are on the speaking team for Family Life Ministries, a marriage-focused ministry founded by Dr. Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ.

Joe (a dentist) and Cindi have enjoyed ministry together as they direct the City Focus Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ in the Northeast Ohio area as associate staff since 1989. They helped to bring the Billy Graham Crusade to Cleveland in 1994 and served as trained counselors, supervisors and leaders. They were also responsible for the direction of distributing over 32,000 pieces of material to inquirers that came forward throughout the crusade. The Billy Graham Association asked them to establish follow-up in the NE Ohio area because of the discipleship ministry they already had in place. They have also served as City Ministry Directors of the FamilyLife conferences in Cleveland (NE Ohio) from 1990-2001 with expansion to Akron in 2000 and an Urban Familylife Conference in Youngstown, OH, in October of 2001! Joe and Cindi now speak nationally for the Familylife Marriage Conferences. For more info, please visit http://www.cindiferrini.com
About Unexpected Journey: A book by a husband and wife whose course in life changed from the birth of their first child. Yet, it did not stop there. Unexpected Journey shares the life of a family where daily challenges became a way of life - caring for a child with special needs and parents in their declining years.. Select the link above to read and listen to more about this compelling story.

To win copies of each book leave a comment {HERE} along with your email address. We'll randomly select one winner for each book and contact you via email.

What I was doing over the weekend!

Cory got married to the lovely Katie!

Have you ever considered suicide?

I have to admit that when I was a teenager it crossed my mind, but I never took it seriously. While I was in high school, though, a friend of a friend did commit suicide after his girlfriend broke up with him. I remember how the whole community was saddened by this. We all wondered if there was more that we could have done to help him.

Last year I had the opportunity of working on a book with a young woman named Kristen Anderson. Kristen tried to commit suicide by laying down in front of a train when she was 17-years-old. Kristen's life was saved, but she lost her legs. Here is Kristen's story.

If you or someone you know has suicidal thoughts there is hope!

Contact Reaching You Ministries if you need help ... or just someone to talk to.

Top 20 Moms to follow on Twitter!

Wow - I can't believe I made the list! Cool.


From SheKnows.com: Although Twitter can be a great networking tool, navigating the sea of tweets can be daunting and time consuming. Here are some suggestions for follow-worthy mamas.

1. Jenna McCarthy: @jennawrites

Jenna is a hilarious, internationally published writer who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. Her wit and humor are so endearing, you’ll want her for a best friend. Here’s a recent post: “67% of married couples report a significant increase in hostility in the first year after having kids. Huh. Is that all?”

2. Marcy: @StretchingABuck

Marcy is a mom from Columbus, Ohio, who is dedicated to helping other moms stretch their dollars. She is a coupon expert and tweets about free offers, outrageous sales and rebates.

3. Kayt Sukel: @TravelSavvyKayt

Kayt is a freelance writer and contributor to travelsavvymom.com. She shares about her adventures with her 4-year-old son, Chet, as well as travel tips and latest destination picks.

4. Tricia Goyer: @TriciaGoyer

Tricia is a mother of three from Montana and author of 24 novels and several non-fiction books. Her inspirational voice motivates ordinary women to accomplish the extraordinary in life.

5. Liz Strauss: @lizstrauss

A Chicago-based brand strategist, Liz has a unique perspective on the relationship between consumer brands and their customers. She helps women achieve their professional goals by harnessing the powers of branding and social networking. Perfect for entrepreneurs.

6. Lucretia M Pruitt: @GeekMommy

Lucretia is a Denver-area mom who writes about her experiences as a 21st-century mom. A former programmer and computer information systems professor, Lucretia is a self-proclaimed geek whose writing is to the point and void of all frivolity.

7. Jessica Smith: @jessicaknows

Jessica is a mother, wife and social media expert based in Sacramento, California. She was named one of the Top 15 People to Watch by Sacramento Magazine in 2010. She shares insight on the work/life balance as well as professional advice. Her voice is smart, surprisingly funny and genuine.

8. Kelby Carr: @typeamom

Kelby tweets and blogs from Asheville, North Carolina. Recent tweets include fun craft ideas for kids, tips for housecleaning with toddlers, and daily chore charts. Mommy bloggers will find a friend in Kelby. She is a big proponent of mom blogging as a business.

9. McMommy: @mcmommyblog

This Florida mom documents her adventures in motherhood via her blog, themcmommychronicles.com, and Twitter. Followers will learn about everything from easy recipes to hilarious observations about the world from a mother’s perspective.

10. Trisha Haas: @momdot

Trisha’s tweets are as wildly funny as her blog, momdot.com. She speaks candidly about her adventures as a mom and popular blogger. If you want to be entertained on a daily basis, momdot is a must-follow.

For more go here!

Surviving a strong-willed child

I used to laugh when my mother-in-law Darlyne told me how my husband was a strong-willed child. That's until our daughter turned out to be exactly like her dad.

Darlyne used to tell stories about when John was a baby. She said he'd crawl to the nearest electrical outlet and want to stick his finger in it. She'd tell him no, gently slap his hand and pull him away, yet he'd return. She'd do that over and over, trying to hinder him. She'd turn his attention to something else, trying to distract him. Finally, she'd give up and she'd have to cover the outlet.

“But, I learned as he grew that his strong-will benefited him in the long run,” Darlyne told me. I believed her.

A scrawny high schooler, John was told he'd never make it in the Marines. So he joined. He not only made it, he graduated top of his class. In the military, he stayed true to God, even when alcohol and women were readily available to him. All through life, he's lived as a man of honor and excels in his work. His strong will has taken him far.

This, of course, wasn't comforting as I dealt with my own strong-willed child. Leslie (pictured above with little Alyssa) was a sweet baby doll her first year of life, but things changed once she turned two. She'd have tantrums if she didn't get her way. She would hide behind me and refuse to talk when people approached her. If I gave her a blue cup she'd wanted the red one. If I offered a cookie she'd want a cracker, and vise versa. Each day was a battle—my will against hers. There were days I loved my child but I didn't like her that much.

The parenting class Growing Kids God's Way helped a lot. I can't remember everything that was taught, but here are some things that I stuck to along the way.

I narrowed my daughter's choices. Instead of offering a blue cup and her demanding a green one, I'd offer both colors and let her pick from those two. Of course she'd then want the red cup, but I didn't give in. She had to pick between the two. This worked for clothes and snacks and other things. I'd still give my daughter a choice, but I'd limit those choices. After a while the battles stopped. She soon understood that I wouldn't give in to her whines.

I prepared her for interaction. If we were going to church I'd explain possible things that could happen, such as someone introducing themselves or commenting on her pretty dress. I'd role-play the correct response with her. And then I'd reward her when she responded correctly. I soon discovered that with some instruction my daughter not only responded correctly, she soon came out of her shell became a chatter box.

I stood by my word. Even if my daughter disagreed or challenged me I didn't give in. I learned that giving in was showing her that a bad attitude would get her what she wanted—and that's not what I wanted to reward. Once that no longer worked, she soon discovered that behaving well got her the best results.

I focused her strong will on positive things—like academics, piano, and friendships. I gave her the tools to excel in things she was good at, using her will as a benefit. And when the going got tough, she dug in.

Those are a few simple things that helped me. As the months passed, my daughter's attitude changed and I enjoyed her more and more. I also discovered her will did help her excel. At eighteen, she is a student leader at church, she shares her faith with people others often overlook, and when her peers were graduating from high school, she'd already finished her first two years of college. There are times, of course, when my will still doesn't match hers, but I'm appreciative that God made her who she is for a reason—and with a will like that she'll be able to do many things for His glory!

The mother doesn't die. The gun doesn't get fired. Plant without a Payoff.

I've mentioned before how it drives my family crazy when I can tell them in the first few minutes of the movie what's going to happen in the end. That works when the "plant" is followed by a "play off."

But sometimes, I get the movie wrong. Why? Because there's a "plant" without a "pay off." The mother doesn't die. The gun doesn't get fired. The dress isn't worn. My friend Jeff Gerke will explain what that means:

Plant and Payoff—Part 2: Plant without a Payoff

This is the second in a two-part series on something I call Plant and Payoff.

Last time I talked about what happens when you give the payoff but haven't set it up with the plant. It falls flat and feels to the reader like you've pulled a rabbit out of your hat. It feels like you're not playing fair.

This time I want to talk about what happens if you plant something but then don't use it. That's a plant without a payoff. To the reader, it feels like a red herring, and it's equally frustrating. Worse, it makes you look like you don't know what you're doing as a novelist. (FYI, that's bad.)

Imagine you're reading a story and the author goes to great lengths to set up that the protagonist is a whiz with numeric patterns. I mean, we get pages and pages of how good she is with these. We're thinking A Beautiful Mind kind of thing.

As we're going along in the story we're waiting for that information to be important. We've assumed that you're showing us this because it's going to come into play later. So we're set up for it. We're ready. As situations develop in the story we're like, "Okay, I'll bet she sees some pattern in the flower arrangement and solves the mystery!" We're totally engaged.

Now let's say the rest of the story goes by and the protagonist never uses that pattern recognition thing. Not once. Has this pleased Mr. Reader? Nay, I say!

The reader feels ripped off and angry. "Wait a minute here. You made me remember all that about the numeric patterns and you never used it? It was never important? Why did I waste the brain storage space to retain that in ready memory then? The whole reason I got interested in your story is because I thought you were going to use that."

Plant and Payoff are like bookends. If you have either one but don't have its matching one on the other side, all the books fall off onto the floor. Figuratively speaking.

Make sure you don't spend page-space talking about something you're not going to use. Make sure you don't mention something about a character that you don't come back to later.

Recently I watched the excellent movie Night at the Museum. Hysterical film. But it had a plant without a payoff. It was small, but it irritated me.

Rebecca tells Larry that all the time Sacajawea was leading Lewis and Clark's expedition she was carrying her baby on her back. But Sacajawea in the museum has no baby. Then we see Teddy Roosevelt searching for something in relation to Sacajawea. And Sacajawea herself is looking kind of forlorn and distracted, as if she's looking for her baby who has perhaps gotten lost. We're completely set up for the search for Sacajawea's baby.

But it never happens. We're thinking there's a baby in peril somewhere, but it's never spoken of again.

That's a plant without a payoff. We thought it was a major plot point but it ended up being just a little factoid the writer threw in because he'd researched it. It angered the viewer (well, one viewer, anyway) because he thinks it's going to be important but it ends up not being so.

One final note about plant and payoff: they have to be in correct proportion to one another. If you spend pages setting something up, it had better be very important later. And if something is very important later, it had better have been set up sufficiently and not just mentioned in passing.

In Tom Clancy's massive novel The Sum of All Words (er, "Fears"), he spends probably 100 pages on one particular storyline: giant redwood tree trunks that have been felled in the Pacific Northwest and are being shipped to Japan, where they will be used in a temple. While at sea a fierce storm breaks out and the logs are dropped into the ocean.

Are you set up? For at least 100 pages you've been reading about these trees. You're convinced it's a very important thing because it's been given so much page-space. What kind of payoff could it be, you wonder. Will the good guys create some kind of torpedo using a redwood log?

So a submarine surfaces in the storm in order to receive a message on its antenna. But, oh no, something hits the antenna and it doesn't work. Hey, who put these redwood logs in the ocean?

That was it. One hundred pages of following these stupid tree trunks, and the only thing the entire storyline was there for was to have something to bonk a silly antenna! I was furious. The payoff was definitely not in proportion to the plant.

Don't do that.

Make sure you have planted everything you want to be important later, and make sure you give a payoff to everything you plant. And keep them in proportion.

Happy writing!


Bio:
Jeff Gerke has spent fifteen years in the Christian publishing industry -- years that included writing six published novels and two co-written nonfiction books, stints on staff with three publishing companies, and years as an acquisitions editor.

TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer:Angela Dockter-Harris

I'm so excited about our guest this week. Angela is an amazing woman who has survived a difficult past and thrives in the present. Don't miss Thursday's show as we hear how grace and forgiveness can free you from the past.

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

Angela Harris is the author of "Dance in the Rain: His Joy Comes in the Mourning" - a journal and bible study on death and dying. Angela's testimony is a powerful tribute to the redemption God offers us and the forgiveness that frees us. She was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida. Dr's doubted she would live,let alone walk, talk, or have a normal life. She also suffered physical and sexual abuse during her childhood by her outwardly appearing "Christian, Church-attending" family. By God's mercy she came to know the true saving grace of Jesus as a young adult trying to comprehend her difficult situation. Despite the dire medical predictions and an abusive past, God has blessed her with a full life. Today she possesses both physical and mental health, as well as a wonderful husband and two children whom she was told she'd never have.

About Angela: Angela Dockter-Harris has a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work and has worked as a medical social worker and assisting families when facing death and dying. She has experienced several losses in her own life and along side of loved ones, both in earthly relationships that were not what God intended, and through the separation of death. Angela was born with a neural tube defect known as spina bifida and has overcome many odds with this in her life. Angela is also a nutritional consultant teaching and educating on the importance of nutrition and natural health. Angela has been married to her husband David for 16 years and they have two children. They reside in Colorado. Please visit her blog for more info: http://angelaadockterharris.wordpress.com/

About Dance in the Rain: Have you lost someone significant in your life? Do you feel swallowed up by sorrow? Are you trying to find the purpose and plan for your life so you can move forward? Where is God now? Why did He allow this to happen? What if that person I love is not in heaven? So many painful thoughts surround those hurting from a loss. Those in the midst of such paincome. Journey with author Angela Dockter-Harris as she guides you through the healing process. This Journal and Bible Study were created for anyone who has lost someone, or is currently facing a loss, either through death or a strained relationship. Presented in two-parts, Dance in the Rain: His Joy Comes in the Mourning allows you to personalize this book. Fill the journal with memories of the person you love, memories youll treasure forever. Then read on and find healing as you study the Bible and lean on the comfort of Jesus Christ. You can experience hope and healing during mourning.

WIN A COPY OF ANGELA'S BOOK - LEAVE A COMMENT {HERE} ON THIS POST!


HAVE A QUESTION FOR ANGELA? CALL IN TO THE SHOW: 1-877-864-4869.

The “Perfect” Mom

I bet if you polled 100 moms all 100 would say they wished they could be more perfect. That's what we want. To be the mom who bakes the cookies, plays the board games, cheers the loudest at Little League. Not to mention, teaches our children Scripture, who has daily quiet time with the kids, who models Christlike behavior at all times … or at least close to all times.

That's why I've had a beef with a certain Scripture for a while. Matthew 5:48 to be exact: “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Really, God?! Is that really in the Bible. You're not serious are you?

Thankfully, one of my favorite Bible Study tools is my Amplified Bible, which actually explains the meaning of the words within the Scripture verse. This is how it puts it:

“You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

I like the word “growing” in there. It's a process. God doesn't expect me to be perfect today. In fact, I'll never be perfect this side of heaven. In some respects this has become even clearer since adopting Alyssa. I'm still growing as a mom, even though two of my three older children are already out of the house (and one about to be married!), I'm still growing as a parent. As a person. I haven't arrived, I don't know it all, I'm still reaching and I have hope that I'll get there. God has shown me the standard—Jesus! And what a standard it is.

It reminds me of when I was teaching my son Nathan to set the table when he was four. I started one day by showing him what a set table looked like. “See, here are the plates. Here is the napkin. Here are the forks.”

After that, I gave Nathan the task of setting the table, but I made things as easy as possible for him. I used a bottom cupboard that he could reach to store plastic plates and cups. I also made sure the napkins and silverware were accessible to him.

Nathan enjoyed setting the table, which I liked, but Nathan didn't set the perfect table right away. Sometimes he forgot the forks. Other times the napkins were set on the left side, instead of the right. I wasn't upset that Nathan wasn't perfect, rather I helped him, picking one thing that he could try fix next time.

“Why don't we have the butter knifes alongside the plates rather than sticking out of our drinking cups, shall we?”

I'm happy to say that at age 16, Nathan knows how to set a proper table. And he does so every night! He's even graduated to glasses and breakable plates. I'm proud! :)

I think in a way this is how God feels about us—as moms striving to get it right. God's given us a perfect standard, Jesus, to mimic, but He also understands if we need to work with the plastic cups for a while. Being perfect is a growth process and training exercise to be sure!

Just like it helped Nathan to know the standard, it helps me to know what perfection means to God. The Amplified Bible lists these things:

1. growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character

2. having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity

To me that sounds like living, thinking, and behaving like God would in every situation. A big goal, but also one we can strive toward as we read His Word (to know what He is thinking) and invite His Holy Spirit into our day (to help us live and behave as God would).

So perhaps I've been a little off in my idea of what a perfect mom looks like, but I'm thankful that God is giving me a better picture of what that means. And, if you were to poll God, I bet He'd tell you that 100 out of 100 moms can be better moms today … if they just invite Him into the process.

Time to be accountable

Today I took coffee to my friend Michelle's house but I had another motive than just getting some caffeine and chatting. She's a new friend because recently I moved from Montana to Little Rock, Arkansas. Michelle works at my husband's office and we hit it off.

Recently, Michelle asked me to be an accountability partner, and I immediately said yes. In the past I've connected with friends in this way and it's really helped me on my Christian walk. Even though the word 'accountability' sounds overwhelming, I've found it's good just to have someone to talk to about: 1) things that are going well, 2) things that aren't going so well, and 3) how I'm dealing with them. As we chat, Michelle asks me questions about these things, and I ask her too.

Photo by Jessica McCollam http://www.jessicasvisionsphotography.com/

Yet perhaps the most important part of meeting together is prayer and sharing God's Word. Today when we met Michelle and I spent five minutes praying for each other. Also during out talk, we brought in God's point-of-view on things. When Michelle was sharing her struggles, I talked about a Bible verse I had recently read that applied. Then, she did the same with me. Michelle not only shared her thoughts, she also reminded me of God's thoughts.

Have you ever considered having an accountability partner? Maybe you should think about it. Look around and think of someone who you enjoy being with—someone who is encouraging to you. This person doesn't have to have a perfect relationship with God, neither do you. In fact, hopefully through your time together you'll not only grow closer to each other, but closer to Him, too.

Perhaps you already have someone you share all the details of your life with. If so, consider taking that relationship to a new level. Pray, read Scripture, or read a devotional book together. Even best friends can become closer if they open up their whole lives to each other.

Lovemaking.

I like using the term lovemaking when talking about sex in marriage. Any two consenting adults can have sex, but it takes committed-for-life marriage partners to make love.

Lovemaking comforts because it releases tension. A backrub is good for tense bodies, a sexual release even better. God was ingenious in His creation. Through our lovemaking we can create life, experience one-flesh intimacy and deep knowledge, enjoy deep pleasure, and even comfort each other in times of stress or sorrow.

These are just a few of the benefits of lovemaking. But of course, before you reap the rewards, you have to prepare the fields for harvest, so to speak.

Here are a few things that help:

1. Understand Passion
Passion ebbs and flows, and there are times when sex becomes routine for married couples. But if you chase excitement, you chase the wind. What you have to look for is meaning. Passion is not only a hot and tingling feeling. In fact, passion can be a person . . . your spouse. One of the definitions of passion according to Dictionary.com is: “a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.”

How would our view of lovemaking change if we focused not on the feelings, emotions, or result, but instead on the person—our spouse?

You do a lot of things with your spouse, including sex, not because you’re aroused or sexually stimulated but because you love your spouse. The good thing is that once the party starts, the arousal soon follows.

According to Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus, the authors of Intimate Issues, “The Hebrew word for ‘sexual intercourse’ is the word ‘to know.’ Through God’s gift of sex, a husband and wife receive an intimate knowing of one another that they have with no one else.”

So while the connection and physical sensations are a bonus, true passion comes from our knowing another person like no other, and their knowing of us. This is something to be passionate about.

2. Be Available
The apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 that we are not to deny our mate the benefit of our body for sex. You wouldn’t want your spouse to become vulnerable toward another, would you? And your relationship will be smoother in all areas if he or she is sexually satisfied.

When we marry, we actually participate in a gift exchange. The wife gives the gift of her body to her husband, and he gives the gift of his body to her. Each gives up the right to his or her own body and turns that authority over to the other. This is an awesome concept. Sadly, we quickly learn that one of the easiest ways to hurt our mate is to withhold the gift of our bodies. But God makes it clear that we do not have this right.

I don’t know about you, but when I give someone a present, I give the best gift when I know that person and what makes him or her light up. The same is true when spouses take time to understand male and female differences. (Or take time to understand and appreciate your spouse if they don’t fit in the typical mold.)

For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need. Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating with you. It is just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance—and just as dangerous to your marriage.

Making love with you assures him that you find him desirable, salves a deep sense of loneliness, and gives him the strength and well-being necessary to face the world with confidence. And, of course, sex also makes him feel loved—in fact, he can’t feel completely loved without it.

Likewise it helps for men to understand what makes a woman tick. Here are a few truths from the book For Men Only:

Truth #1. She has a lower sex drive than you—and she’d change that fact if she could.
Truth #2. She needs more warm-up time than you.
Truth #3. Your body (no matter how much of a stud you are) does not by itself turn on her body.
Truth #4. For her, sex starts in her heart.


3. Plan It.
Once my friend and I were chatting about sexual intimacy, and she was complaining about lack of time in her day.
“It’s easy,” I told her, “plan time for sex just like you plan to brush your teeth at night. You wouldn’t go to sleep without brushing, would you?”

You should have seen her jaw drop. Yes, sex does take more time than brushing your teeth. And, no, I personally can’t claim I follow as rigorous a schedule. But the benefits to regular lovemaking are similar to those that come with brushing or flossing—like your dentist says, it’s the daily care and maintenance that makes all the difference. And truly, when we look at our day, we make time and place priorities on a wide variety of things . . . why not sex?

“In marriage, sex is the spice that rescues our relationships from becoming mundane pursuits of chores. Adult life is filled with responsibilities. We have mortgages to pay, yard work to maintain, laundry to clean, cars to service, and so on,” says Bill and Pam Farrel, authors of Red Hot Monogamy. “But none of us got married so we could load up on chores. We got married out of hope. We got married because we believed there was some kind of magic between us.”

Reading this quote makes me think of that popular series of books titled, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . . . It’s All Small Stuff. While I agree about the first half of the title, it’s the second half that’s missing the boat. Don’t sweat the small stuff, such as the dishes, that sitcom rerun, or even feeding the dog. (Just kidding, go ahead and feed Fifi.) But also remember it’s NOT all small stuff. Being sexually intimate with your spouse will bring more rewards, in all aspects of your life, over the long run.

Also know the time, energy, and knowledge you put into sex, will improve the results. In daily life, we take time to plan our dinner menus. We buy cookbooks and watch the Food Channel to learn to cook. We purchase the necessary ingredients ahead of time to create an enjoyable dining experience . . . why not put the same effort into cooking up something special in the bedroom?

I have been speaking and writing for years about how the overcommitted pace of American families is killing us socially, relationally, and psychologically. We are simply too busy. Many families I work with could easily cut out 50 percent of their activities and still be tired. That’s not an exaggeration. Most families who see me are often shocked at the way I can take a meat clever to their schedule.

When we live life at the pace of a NASCAR race, sex is one of the first things that goes. Once again, if you want to improve your sex life as a couple, you need to examine your relationship outside the bedroom. What are you doing that is keeping you from sexual intimacy?

Redbook magazine ran a poll on its Web site asking the question, “What would you do with an hour’s worth of free time?” Over ten thousand men and women responded. Eighty-five percent of men and 59 percent of women answered sex—wide majorities in both cases. Just 12 percent of women chose shopping or extra sleep, followed by watching TV, exercising, reading, and eating.

So . . . you could wait until daylight savings time for that extra hour, or you could do some rearranging with your schedule. (After all, you DO hold the key to your calendar, remember?)

And, while you’re at it, schedule the next interlude, and the next. Perhaps a heart on the bottom corner of your calendar would be a good symbol? If you did this, just imagine how easy it would be to get your mind and emotions ready. And think how connected you’ll feel with your spouse by the end of the month. Can’t you imagine the smiles?

4. Find Fulfillment
Finally take time to pause and truly appreciate the joy of sex, and the awe of what takes place as your body combines with that of your spouse.

God wants your sexual relationship to be an oasis for the two of you. He desires that the two of you find relief from routine and a refuge from stress by splashing around in springs of sexual refreshment. But if you are to discover the refreshment that sexual love can bring, it may require that you make a change in attitude (how you view your intimate times together) as well as changes in your environment (the place where you make love).

Maybe you decide to change your attitude or environment. Or prepare the field during the day. Or even pick up a book to give you tips and tricks. Or schedulle lovemaking into your calendar, the ultimate goal is fulfillment. Take time to enjoy it. Be refreshed. And before you flip off the light, look at the light in your spouse’s eyes and the smile on your spouse’s face. Also, take note of the peace and contentment in your own soul.

Now, wasn’t that worth it?
Yeah, I thought so.


© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage