TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Kim & Kayla Woodhouse

I'm so excited about our guest this week. Kim is an amazing woman whose family was featured on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Kim is also an author and she and her teen-age daughter just landed a writing contract for a series of books they will co-write together. Cool!

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.



About Kim: Kimberley Woodhouse is a wife, mother, author, and musician with a quick wit and positive outlook despite difficult circumstances. A popular speaker, she’s shared at more than 650 venues across the country. Kimberley and her family’s story have garnered national media attention for many years, but most recently her family was chosen for ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Montel Williams Show, and Discovery Health channel’s Mystery ER which premiered in 2008.

An avid reader and writer, she’s had dozens of articles and short stories published in nationally recognized magazines and books. Her non-fiction book about their amazing story, Welcome Home: Our Family’s Journey to Extreme Joy released in September of 2009 from Tyndale House Publishers, and a new three book suspense series, written with daughter Kayla, begins with No Safe Haven which releases in March 2011 from B&H Publishers. Kimberley lives, writes, and homeschools in Colorado with her husband and two children in their truly “extreme” home.

About Kayla: Kayla Woodhouse’s zest for writing comes not only from her natural ability, but also from her love of the written word as witnessed by her voracious reading appetite. One of only a few dozen cases in the world, Kayla was born with HSAN, an extremely rare nerve disorder. Unable to sweat, or feel pain, she’s also been through brain surgery. But even through a life of extreme hardships, her ever-present smile encourages others to pursue their dreams, no matter the obstacles. ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Montel Williams Show, and Discovery’s Mystery ER have all had shows focused on this incredible girl and her family. In addition to being homeschooled and writing with her mom, she’s an amazing swimmer, and spends up to thirty hours a week in training. Her first release, No Safe Haven, from B&H Publishers in 2011, written with mother, Kimberley, makes her the youngest author to have a full-length novel published by a royalty paying publisher.

About the books:

BLURB for NO SAFE HAVEN by Kimberley and Kayla R. Woodhouse
Jenna Tikaani-Gray and her twelve-year-old daughter, Andrea, are on their way home, hoping for a fresh start after a lifetime of medical trials and great sorrow. But when sabotage brings their small plane down, they find themselves fighting for their lives. And they don’t know what’s more dangerous: the weather and terrain of Sultana—one of the most hazardous mountains in Alaska—or the armed men chasing them.
Hardened by the loss in his life, Cole Maddox knows the best path is one he walks alone. No one to care for—or about. That way he can focus on what matters: getting a secret technology safely into the hands of the US Military. But when the plane he’s on with Jenna and Andie crashes, it will take all his skill and strength to get them out alive—and all his determination to stay in his self-imposed solitary confinement.

BLURB for WELCOME HOME by Kimberley Woodhouse
Overwhelming trials . . . met with overcoming joy
Kayla Woodhouse is not your typical twelve-year-old. Due to a rare medical disorder, she feels no pain, doesn’t sweat, and needs protective cooling gear just to go outside. With her restrictive lifestyle; countless hospitalizations, including brain surgery; and the resulting mountain of hospital bills, what’s a family to do?
How the Woodhouse family has faced seemingly impossible challenges is a story that has captured the hearts of America. Millions of people have experienced glimpses of their lives on Discovery’s Mystery ER, The Montel Williams Show, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
Now Kayla’s mom, Kimberley, takes readers behind the cameras to reveal their family’s journey as never before told. From medical sleuthing to cross-country moves, from freak fires to battles with insurance companies, Welcome Home proves that truth really is stranger than fiction. This candid life story reveals both success and failure and demonstrates how, even during tough circumstances, you can shift your life from heartbreak to extreme joy.
Peek inside the Woodhouse family’s life (and their famous house) with a 16-page photo insert.

Win a copy of Welcome Home by leaving a comment on {HERE} (not on this post!)

Marriage Advice to my son (ohmygosh) and his bride!

My son Cory is getting married. It's hard to believe. My husband and I adore our soon to be daughter-in-law, Katie. Cory picked a winner! With my joy there is also an underlying anxiousness. Marriage is HARD. Being marriage to John has been more wonderful than I ever dreamed and harder than I ever thought.

So, for Cory and Katie, here is some advice:

Send each other off with a 20-second kiss every morning.

Greet each other with a welcome kiss after every work day, even if that means putting down the paper or turning off the television.

If you feel cranky, that is not a time to talk about the things the other person does that bother you—even if those things are in the forefront of your mind at that moment.

Talk about your expectations. Do you expect a home cooked meal every night or is pizza and TV dinners okay? Do you want to spend Saturday evenings with your parents? Do you like your socks folded a certain way? Would you like one night a week to go out with friends?

Spend time with God alone and together. Find a special time for you to connect with God. Design a time when you can come before Him together. Read 1-2 chapters from the Bible each day. Take a few minutes to pray for each other.

Think about one thing you can do that will put a smile on your spouse's face that day. Then do it.

If your spouse asks you to do something for him/her, write it down. Then do that too.

Do not talk bad about your spouse to your friends or your parents … even if he/she has really made you mad. You will have an easy time forgiving your spouse, those other people will have a harder time.

Keep your thoughts pure. Guard your mind and your heart.

Have fun! Do the same things you did when you were dating. Laugh. Play. Love.

Be Patient!

How patient are you? If someone would have asked me this question six months ago I would have answered differently than I do today. I thought I was a patient person … that's until I moved 2,000 miles to a new place, tried to connect with new friends, and adopted a baby.

I thought I was being patient when I had to wait through one stoplight back in Montana.

I'm learning to be patient with myself as a drive around new streets.

I'm learning to be patient with other drivers as they cut in, cut out, and drive circles around me.

I thought I was being patient when I had to wait for my teenagers to finish dressing and getting ready for church.

I'm learning to be more patient as I step away from my manuscript to feed a hungry baby or cuddle her just because she wants some cuddling.

I thought I was being patient with my friends when they were five minutes late to our coffee date.

I'm learning to be patient with myself as I adjust to a new place. After all, I want to be rooted and grounded NOW. I want to have friends, a small group, and a church … just like the one I left.

I thought I was patient with God when He was more silent than I wanted Him to be.

I'm learning to be patient as I wait for a house to sell, as I wait until I can see my older kids again, and as I trust that His plans are perfect and His timing is perfect.

I'm learning to be patient when “wait” or “not yet” is His answer.

Adel Bestavros says, “Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith.”

I'm learning more about patience than I even dreamed, and through all the changes I'm also discovering love, hope, and faith in ways I'd never known them before.

Caleb + Kate by Cindy Coloma

Rich and pampered, Kate has everything.

But when her family moves to the Pacific Northwest, her life changes completely. She meets rough Caleb, and even though they have nothing in common, she's attracted to him. When Caleb decides Kate has something he needs, can she prove that's not who she really is? Ages 12 to 16. 288 pages, softcover from Thomas Nelson.

Buy the book here.

About Cindy: Cindy began writing around 1988, working on story ideas and writing plays. Her first book was contracted in 1998. Since that time she's written 8 novels, 2 nonfiction books (coauthor) and over 100 articles, short stories, and plays.

Her critically acclaimed novels have been nominated for the Christy Award and Reader's Choice Award (Romantic Times), and chosen for the List of Best Books of 2004 by Library Journal.

Her first three novels have been translated into Dutch, German, and Norwegian.

ORCHID HOUSE (released 2008) is a bestseller!

For the past ten years, Cindy has been speaking and teaching in different locations nationally and internationally. Her roles include conference leader, featured speaker and workshop leader at numerous women's gatherings, retreats and writers conferences most notably Litt-World 2004 in Tagaytay City, Philippines.

Monthly, she co-leads and teaches a workshop at Quills of Faith Writers Group in Northern California. www.cindycoloma.com

A Matter of Character by Robin Lee Hatcher

Who says a woman can’t keep a secret?

It's 1918, and Daphne McKinley, heiress to a small fortune, has found contentment in the town of Bethlehem Springs. But Daphne has a secret.

A series of dime novels loosely based on local lore and featuring a nefarious villain known as Rawhide Rick has enjoyed modest popularity among readers. Nobody in Bethlehem Springs knows the man behind the stories … except Daphne.

When newspaperman Joshua Crawford comes to town searching for the man who sullied the good name of his grandfather, Daphne finds herself at a crossroads, reassessing the power of her words, re-thinking how best to honor her gifts, and reconsidering what she wants out of life.

Watch the book trailer.

Buy the book here.

About the Robin:

The author of over 60 books, best-selling novelist Robin Lee Hatcher is known for her heartwarming and emotionally charged stories of faith, courage, and love. She makes her home in Idaho where she enjoys spending time with her family and her high-maintenance Papillon, Poppet. She invites you to drop by her web site and her Facebook Page to learn more about her and her books. For more info, visit her website or LIKE her on Facebook!

"Can you write on a legal pad?" Proper Manuscript Formatting

One of the things I'm often asked is how to format a manuscript. Can you write on a legal pad? Does it have to be typed up a certain way? Below is a guest blog by my friend Jeff Gerke. He's an author/editor/and all around smart guy! These tips will help you impress the pros!
You can read more tips from Jeff here.


Proper Manuscript Formatting
Technically, there is no "right" or "wrong" formatting for your proposals or manuscripts. No acquisitions editor I know would reject a proposal simply because it's in the "wrong" font.

However, there is an identifiable set of formatting choices that, if used, will align with industry expectations and will make your proposal or manuscript fit into what acquisitions editors think of as a professional look.

This I can help you with.

Formatting for the Entire Proposal or Manuscript
Some formatting options, such as fonts, margins, and page size and orientation, should be used for the whole package.

For instance, always write in 12-point Times New Roman. (Titles and subheads can be bigger.) I know that older formatting books or books about screenwriting say to use Courier 10 pt., but don't. Times New Roman, or a serif font like it, look most professional in the Christian publishing industry. Courier looks old-fashioned and a little out of touch with modernity.

Always include a 1.25" margin on left and right and a 1"margin on top and bottom.

Always use 8.5"x11" paper size, and always use it in portrait (not landscape) orientation.

Always submit your entire proposal and/or manuscript in a single Word document. Making an editor cobble together your disparate pieces (especially when the file names are inconsistent) aggravates the person you're wanting to get on the good side of. You can keep them in separate files on your computer, if you wish, but put them all together before sending.

Always include your name, the book title, and page number in the header. If the editor prints out your proposal or manuscript and puts it with other printouts, then somehow the whole stack falls on the floor, if you don't have your name and page number on every page it could be trouble.

Always use italics for emphasis. Don't use underline or all caps or bold. (Again, titles or subheads can be the exception.) This is true for your synopsis and cover letter and the like, but it's especially true for the manuscript or sample chapters. I know the older books say to underline where you would like italics, but that's just because typewriters could do underlines but couldn't do italics. If you want emphasis, useitalics.

Don't hit the space bar twice after the end of a sentence. I know, that's how we all learned it, but modern style is to leave just one space after sentences. While you're training yourself to hit the space bar only once, before sending your proposal or manuscript off, do a global search and replace function in which you replace every instance of "space-space" with "space." That'll take care of most of them.

Always communicate your manuscript length in wordcount, not pagecount or number of chapters. The latter can vary widely due to spacing, margins, font sizes, etc., but wordcount tells no lies. Never say, "My manuscript is 335 pages long." Say, "My manuscript is 84,930 words."

Front Matter
By "Front Matter" I mean anything you turn in with a proposal or manuscript that is in front of (i.e., comes before) the actual manuscript or sample chapters. This might include a cover letter, synopsis, bio, hook, etc.

All front matter should be single-spaced. Separate your paragraphs with a blank line and use no indent. The paragraph spacing on this Web page is what yours should look like in your front matter section.

The Manuscript or Sample Chapters
When you get to the pages of the story itself, the formatting rules change a bit. Everything in the general section remains the same, however: paper size, font, etc.

While all front matter was single-spaced, all manuscript pages should be double-spaced.

While paragraphs in the front matter were not indented and were separated by a blank line, in the manuscript pages you should separate paragraphs by using a .5" indent when a new paragraph begins.

Note, use the indent feature in your word processor, not the tab key, to make these indents.

Here's a Jeff preference, not a requirement: I like to remove the indent in the first paragraph only of a chapter or new scene. I like the flush left look of that first line. But this is just my stylistic preference.

As far as chapter length, look for ways to keep your chapters in the 12-17 page range (double spaced). Shorter is fine, but longer is frowned upon. When we start getting into 50-page chapters we start wondering if you really understand the concept of chapters.

Okay, that's it. If you turn in a proposal or manuscript formatted in this way, you won't stand out as looking unprofessional. You'll blend right in with the best-looking submissions the agent or acquisitions editor will have received. That means this person is not tripped up by your formatting, thinking, "This person's obviously an amateur but I guess I'll try to keep an open mind." You don't want that strike against you, trust me.

Now...go make it look beautiful! Let your story and your writing, not poor formatting, be what make your project stand out.

Bio:
Jeff Gerke has spent fifteen years in the Christian publishing industry -- years that included writing six published novels and two co-written nonfiction books, stints on staff with three publishing companies, and years as an acquisitions editor.

TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Author Rebecca Ondov

Join me on Thursday as I chat with fellow Montana author (oh, I guess now that I live in Arkansas, I can't refer to myself as a "Montana" author anymore - boo!) and friend Rebecca Ondov. Rebecca embarked on her writing career in an interesting way.

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.


About Rebecca: Rebecca Ondov was born into the small Norwegian farming community of Austin, Minnesota. “Horse” must have been her first word, for that word took her on an adventure of a lifetime in Montana. Fifteen years she rode her horse through the Bob Marshall Wilderness Complex from May through December. Thirteen years of that she led groups of people on horseback, packing their gear on mules through miles of rugged winding trails. The other two years she rode for the U.S. Forest Service as the Wilderness Ranger for the Scapegoat Wilderness. With her German Shepherd trotting along side, she roamed thousands of miles of mountain trails—alone—pulling her pack mule behind her. Often times, on the ten-day hitches she never saw another soul.

Through the years she developed a unique outlook on life. Each day proved simple—either she lived or she died. If she lived, then she tackled the next day’s adventures. “Believe me,” says Rebecca, “I developed tons of character as I encountered everything from grizzly bears to injured horses! Most of the time, I worked at least a two-day horseback ride from the nearest help. All I had to fix the situation were my wits and God—God always turned out to be my best bet.”

In1992 she felt led to enter a Guideposts writing contest even though she had no interest in writing—or talent, she thought. Then, out of 5400 manuscripts, she won. Guideposts flew her, along with 14 other winners, to an intensive weeklong all-expense-paid workshop, which was tutored by some of the top Christian Writers in the world. “The whole week I felt like a fish out of water, but I knew God would only ask me to do the impossible.”

In 2000 her children’s picture book, “The Once In A Blue Moon Boot Bus,” was released (Cook Communications). Her career also includes: writing for magazines, attending UCLA, and being accepted into the non-profit Christian organization Act One: Writing for Hollywood (a spin-off from Hollywood Presbyterian Church) where she was privileged to study in New York City under their exclusive and intensive screenwriting program. Currently she has some producers interested in a couple of her scripts.

Rebecca is honored to have been added as part of the “Daily Guideposts 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010” “family of writers.” Of course her devotionals are popular Western flavored stories of how her relationship with her horses and mules has led her to a more intimate relationship with God. She says, “The best part of writing for “Daily Guideposts” is the friendships she has developed with the readers through their personal correspondence.”

In February 0f 2010 “Horse Tales from Heaven: Reflections Along the Trail with God” was released. In this book, Rebecca has corralled a collection of Wild-West stories, written in a devotional format, from the years she worked in the saddle. The book is already in its second printing! And hot off the press is “Horse Tales from Heaven: Gift Edition,” in which the publisher has chosen 10 stories from the original Horse Tales book, condensed them and paired them with art from the internationally famous horse artist, Chris Cummings.

Rebecca lives on a ranchette with her three horses, two mules, one dog, and one barn cat in Western Montana, where by day she brokers lumber, and by night she forges ahead with her passion—equipping Christians with faith building-blocks—through the power of “story.” For more info about Rebecca or her books, please visit her website at http://rebeccaondov.com.

About her books: Horse Tales From Heaven - More than 4.6 million Americans own horses or are directly involved in horse-related industries. And country living is enjoying a huge revival today. Horsewoman Rebecca Ondov reaches out to outdoor enthusiasts with dynamic stories of God’s faithfulness and protection.

Drawing on 15 years of living “in the saddle” guiding pack trips and working as a wilderness ranger, Rebecca takes readers into the mountains and down rugged trails to see God at work. Vignettes include…

* a night-blind horse and pack mule’s unusual relationship
* a horse, a dog, and a cowgirl surviving a violent storm
* a horse camp tale about one animal’s cure for snoring
* a frisky cayuse and an early morning chase
* a sleepless night guarding horses in grizzly country

These western stories use real-life adventures to point readers to their greatest resource for love, provision, and care—Jesus.

Coming Soon - the gift edition.

Rebecca has offered to give away a copy of each edition. Leave a comment {HERE} (not on this post!) to win one. (please include your email addy.)

Giving our children a heart of compassion

Today I started a new Bible reading plan, which started with Matthew 1. While I usually don't get too excited about reading genealogy, today God pricked my heart concerning something I haven't thought much about.

Matthew 1: 5-6 says:
Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse, and Jesse the father of King David.

Personally, I love the story of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth, a foreigner and a widow is redeemed by Boaz. The lonely and unloved found love and was not only given a second chance, she was given a husband, a family, a son.

But this morning I started thinking more of Boaz. The son of Rahab, a foreigner and a harlot, found love and compassion for a foreigner and a widow. It doesn't surprise me. Boaz learned growing up that the greatest love sometimes comes after great pain. He witnessed that within his own household.

Many times as a mom I desire to hide all the pain of my “horrible teen years” from my children. In the past, I didn't want them to put two-and-two together when it came to my teen pregnancy. I didn't want to have to confess that I'd had an abortion. I didn't want to talk about the moments I fell short or flubbed up. But the truth is, as I've shared my pain and struggles over the years God has used my confessions to grow a heart of compassion in my kids. Now, as young adults, they care for those down and out. They befriend those on the fringes of society. They love the sometimes unlovely.

In my life I have been very grateful for God's transformations, but I had no idea the impact it would have in my kids. Through my sometimes poor example, my children have also learned that that greatest love sometimes comes after great pain. And through their hearts of compassion, my prayer is that they'll continue to share that care and concern with others—whoever God brings in their paths.

(picture credit)

Give me, give me …

I really don't like to admit it, but as a mom I've known to be selfish at times. I've hidden cookies so I could have them later, and I've extended my kids' nap time so I could read “one more chapter.” I've also gotten my family's schedule off track because I wanted to be the “good” mom. The mom who volunteered at church, who made it to Storytime at the library, and signed up my kids for all types of activities so I'd look as put together as my neighbor.

When my kids became teenagers, fixing their schedules to pump up my ego didn't work as well.

“Mom, I don't want to be in the homeschool production.”

“You want me to babysit for your group … even though it's my only free night? You're joking, right?”

“Mom, I'm not going to start a non-profit organization in my spare time … even if it will help me get better college scholarships!”

Of course, sometimes I'm no better when dealing with my husband. He's said “no” plenty of times when I've come to him about volunteering or adding on a new activity. “And, honey, just what are we going to cut out?” he often asks. (Good question!)

Whether it's the last cookie or a pat on the back, my selfish nature likes to flare up like a sunburn after a day at the waterslides. The best way to combat this—in big things and small—is to start my day thinking about others. (What a concept, I know!) These are questions I often ask myself:

If I could do one thing to put a smile on my husband's face, what would it be?

What have I been promising to do with my kids that I haven't gotten around to?

Of course when I'm being selfish, usually my family isn't the only one missing out. This self-focus spills over and often effects my extended family, friends, and even God. I don't know about you, but there are times I know what I could do that could make God happy, but my stubborn heart doesn't want to go there. Knowing that, here's another question:

What could I say, what could I do, to offer myself to God more than I did yesterday?

And you know what the amazing is? God's way works. I think selfishness makes me happy, but it never does. Likewise, even when I drag my feet to serve, I discover joy on the other side.

Proverbs 20:5 talks about this, “Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart, a wise person draws from the well within.” At the end of the day when I know what's right … and I do it … I am refreshed.

Speaking of which, I have a husband who I bet would love a back rub and a son who needs some one-on-one time. And, I think I'll lift up my heart, and my voice, in some praise songs as I shower today. I'm sure that'll make God smile. And I'll be smiling too.

FamilyLife Love

Before we moved to Little Rock, I liked FamilyLife. Now that I'm here. I LOVE FamilyLife.

If you want to know more about this amazing ministry check out these wonderful FREE resources:

• On-line Radio show
• Free e-newsletters
• e-Mentoring for couples
• Hope for Orphans Blog
• MomLife Today Blog

TOMORROW on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Author DiAnn Mills!

Join me on Thursday as I chat with beloved author Diann Mills. We'll hear about her work in Africa and all about her latest books. She is a wonderful and prolific writer. She also has a bit of a Cinderella story. I hope I can coax her into talking about how she and her husband met. GREAT story!

To listen to the interview: go here and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen. Thursday at 3:00 pm Central.

About DiAnn: Award-winning author DiAnn Mills launched her career in 1998 with the publication of her first book. Currently she has fifty books in print and has sold over 1.5 million copies.

DiAnn believes her readers should “Expect an Adventure.” She is a fiction writer who combines an adventuresome spirit with unforgettable characters to create action-packed novels.

Six of her titles have appeared on the CBA Bestseller List. Three of her books have won the distinction of Best Historical of the Year by Heartsong Presents. Five of her books have won placements through American Christian Fiction Writer’s Book of the Year Awards 2003 – 2008. She is the recipient of the Inspirational Reader’s Choice award for 2005 and 2007, a finalist for the 2010 RITA and a Christy Awards finalist in 2008 and 2010.

DiAnn is a founding board member for American Christian Fiction Writers, a member of Inspirational Writers Alive, Romance Writers of America’s Faith, Hope and Love, and Advanced Writers and Speakers Association. She speaks to various groups and teaches writing workshops around the country. DiAnn is also the Craftsman Mentor for Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writers Guild.

She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas. They have four adult sons and are active members of Metropolitan Baptist Church. For more about DiAnn and her many other books, please visit her website at www.diannmills.com

About her books:

Sworn To Protect: Border Patrol Agent Danika Morales has sworn to protect the southern borders of our nation, but that oath has cost her. Two years ago, her husband, Toby, was killed trying to help the very immigrants Danika was responsible for sending back to Mexico. His murder was never solved.

But now, a recent string of attacks and arrests leads her to believe that someone in McAllen is profiting from sneaking undocumented immigrants into the country . . . and it may somehow be tied to Toby’s death.

A Woman Called Sage: They took away everything she loved ... now, she's out for revenge.

Sage Morrow had it all: life on a beautiful Colorado ranch, a husband who adored her, and a baby on the way. Until five ruthless gunmen rode up to their ranch and changed her life forever.

Now Sage is a bounty hunter bent on retribution. Accompanied only by her majestic hawk, she travels throughout the Rocky Mountains in search of injustice, determined to stamp it out wherever it's found. The stakes are raised when two young boys are kidnapped and Sage is forced to work with Marshall Parker Timmons to rescue them. But Sage may ultimately get more than she bargained for.

In this exciting historical romance set in the late 1800s, murder, intrigue, kidnapping, and questions of faith will keep you in suspense until the final pages.

Win a copy of DiAnn's books by leaving a comment {HERE} (not on this blog post)! (Don't forget to leave your email address!

My Enemy: Time

In my life, I don't have any real enemies, but if there is one intangible thing that I always seem to be fighting against it's TIME. It robs me when it need him most. It turns little cares into big concerns when it hurries on and I still have no answer. With every tick-tick it takes me one step closer to “never getting all this done.”

Lately, TIME has ticked away on a house that we really need to sell. TIME means money, as we pay a house payment for an empty house. It means being unsettled, because over half of our stuff is in storage as we rent in our new location.

Of course, even though I'd like to place a dark cape and a mask on TIME, that's not where the problem is. TIME … and the ticking down of it … isn't something I need to fight against. Instead, as God's been revealing to me lately, TIME is a tool in His hand that is used to reveal what is really in my heart. Mostly, misplaced security.

Because our house hasn't sold in the TIME I wanted it to, God has shown me my lack of trust in Him ... and my dependance on things of this world. He's shown me that I look to home ownership as success and security. He pointed out my false heart-belief that when we buy a new home in our new location only then we've “arrived.”

God opened my eyes to this by leading me to Psalm 30:15. “My times are in your hands,” David said. God is in control of TIME. Of all the events that seem to take way too long. I needed to hear that.

Some lessons can only be learned over time … and discovering the truth what is in my heart is one of them. If our house had sold right away, and we'd moved into a nice place in our new city, I never would have realized how much trust I'm placing in things more than God.

God has also reminded me lately that He lives outside of TIME. What seems to take forever I my eyes is just a blink of an eye to Him. TIME may feels like it's throwing me punches, but instead it's a tool that God's using to mold and shape me.

So even though the clock is still ticking, I'm realizing more and more that God can be trusted all TIMES. He's my security. And TIME isn't an enemy when its in God's hands. TIME is a tool.

Lord, mold me through the tick, tick, tock. Even that, God.

Communication.

When it comes to communication, the first thing that is important is to take a look at you. Don’t look to your mate to see what he or she is doing wrong, but see if there is something that you haven’t been doing right. For example, when I was first married, I used phrases like, “You always do this” and “You never do that.” Always and never, I discovered were words John didn’t appreciate, ones that put him on the defense. In the end, I didn’t get my point across, mainly because those words made him unwilling to hear it.

I also believe it’s as important to find the right time to talk. I’m most awake in the morning, but John is not a morning person. John likes to talk at night, and sometimes I have a hard time staying awake.

Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it more eloquently by saying:There is one topic peremptorily forbidden to all well-bred, to all rational mortals, namely, their distempers. If you have not slept, or if you have slept, or if you have a headache, or sciatica, or leprosy, or thunderstroke, I beseech you, by all the angels, to hold your peace and not pollute the morning.

John and I have found that walks right after dinner are a great time for communication. We walk on a bike trail near our home. We’re alone, without distractions. We’re both looking ahead (which helps me). And we are both completely focused on each other’s words instead of TV, or email, or kids.

We also enjoy dinner conversations or going to bed early, which works for both of us. In addition to sharing the things that happened during the day, we also discuss how we felt about them. This is the harder part for me. Yet we’ve discovered that if John talks honestly and is willing to listen, then as the minutes tick by, I become comfortable doing the same.

John’s also learned not to be shy when trying to figure out what’s going on in my mind and heart.

“The more convinced you are of what’s going on with your partner, the less you probably know,” says Toni Poynter, author of Now and Forever. “Never underestimate the clarifying power of a direct question."

When I give John an overview of my day, he is now quick to ask: How do you feel about that? What were you thinking when that was happening? What are you going to do now? These questions not only help him get a glimpse inside me, they also help me clarify my emotions and thoughts . . . which usually get pushed to the back burner in the midst of a busy day.

Of course, to ask direct questions such as these, one has to truly listen. How many times do I let my mind wander when John is talking? Or perhaps I’m thinking of my response . . . especially during conflict. I’m always thinking ahead . . . trying to figure out just what to say.

We pay attention only long enough to develop a counter-argument; we critique [their] ideas; we mentally grade and pigeon-hole each other . . . People often listen with an agenda, to sell, or petition, or seduce. Seldom is there a deep, open-hearted, unjudging reception of the other . . . By contrast, if someone truly listens to me, my spirit begins to expand.”[ii]

Of course, what we say is a small part of communication. Body language is also huge. I didn’t realize this until I saw it in my daughter, now age 14. I can read her face, the flip of her hair, the roll of her eyes, the movement of her hands, like a book. I suppose it’s in the genes.

“I speak two languages Body and English,” said Mae West. Isn’t that the truth? And the amazing thing about knowing your spouse is understanding their unique language—even if they’re trying not to speak it.

How do you get time to communicate?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

Tomorrow on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Encore show of Mary Byers and OwlHaven's Mary Ostyn!

This week I'm away visiting my kids in Kalispell, Montana. But, be sure to tune in for this encore presentation of Mary and Mary!

JOIN US every THURSDAY AT 3PM CST for Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: http://toginet.com/shows/Livinginspired

A bit about the host, Mary Byers: Mary M. Byers successfully juggles both a freelance writing and speaking business and her responsibilities as a wife and mother of two school-aged children.

She is the author of Making Work at Home Work, The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family and How to Say No . . . And Live to Tell about It.

She is also a columnist for two professional trade journals and edits two others. Byers lives in Chatham, Illinois. for more info visit www.marybyers.com

The Mary's will be chatting about two of my favorite topics: adoption and food! Yeah!

I love what Mary has to say about herself on her blog:

My name is Mary Ostyn. I’ve been married for 23 years to the guy I met in math class at age 17. We have kids in college, high school, junior high, grade school, and preschool, 10 altogether. Six girls. Four boys. Six of our children arrived via adoption, 2 from Korea and 4 from Ethiopia. Our oldest daughter just got married. Our second is in college. Our ‘baby’ is 5.

I homeschool. I kiss owies. I eat chocolate. I garden. I cook. I watch our budget. I take pictures obsessively. And I write. My 200-recipe cookbook/ shopping guide Family Feasts for $75 a Week came out in September, 2009, and is available at amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Borders, CBD, and Costco. I also wrote A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family which came out in March, 2009 and is available at Amazon.

And the winners are ...

A great big thank you for all who left kind words about Life, In Spite of Me. Thank you too, to everyone who tweeted on twitter and shared about the book on Facebook. You all rock!

Already, God is doing amazing things through Kristen's story.

During the blog tour, we've heard from bloggers who've shared their own sorrows and triumphs, we've heard from readers who've been touched again and again by Kristen's honesty and willingness to be completely transparent. I am truly grateful for the part God allowed me to play in writing this book. To Him be the Glory.

The winner of the twitter contest (chosen at random from everyone who retweeted the contest) is:

Patthediva
4:01pm, May 19 from web

Patthediva has won any five Tricia Goyer books.

And the winners of the blog contest are:

L. E. Neighbour

lotus82

Lucy Ann Moll

Barb

Katy~The Country Blossom

They've all won a copy of Life, In Spite of Me.

Please send your mailing address to amy@triciagoyer.com.

Conflict in Marriage Part 2

So when it comes to conflict, here are some things to remember:

1. Closeness fosters conflict.

When we open our hearts and our lives to our spouse, we can no longer hide our struggles. They will discover our sinful selves.

“People crave closeness with one another, but are repelled by the sin that such closeness inevitably uncovers in themselves: the selfish motives that are unmasked, the pettiness that spills out, the monstrous new image of self that emerges as it struggles so pitifully to have its own way,” says Mike Mason, author of The Mystery of Marriage.

The good thing is that with closeness comes love . . . love that overlooks our offenses. Love that comes alongside us and helps us to grow in our weaknesses.

2. Through conflict, we can grow closer to our spouse and to God.

When I have conflict in my marriage—when I mess up, God’s Spirit prods me to repent. With repentance comes humility, and though it hurts I admit my mistakes and my brokenness to my spouse. When I approach John after messing up (which I’ve had to do more times than I want to admit) I give him a glimpse inside me. Sure, it is a glimpse of my sinful, human nature, but it is a glimpse all the same. And as John looks into my brokenness, an amazing thing happens. Conflict becomes the doorway to intimacy.

Confessing to my husband is a big step for me. As I mentioned before, my natural tendencies lean toward hiding, withdrawing. Thankfully, the more time I spend with John and learn to trust his heart, and the more care we give to each other, I begin to understand this.

As spouses learn from each other, they also discover trigger points. (Oh, do we discover them!) As we open up and talk, we also understand how the past sometimes still effects the present. Conflict may be considered the school of hard knocks, but it’s a school all the same.

Sometimes you will run headlong into your partner’s pain. You may not realize it until you’re blasted with reaction—perhaps a flash of deflective anger, or stony silence. When your partner’s response seems inappropriate or out of proportion with the situation, it’s a cue that you may be confronting very old fears or beliefs, often learned in childhood—always learned the hard way. Use these clues. They are valuable opportunities, not as insights for gaining leverage, but to see more deeply into your partner. Volatility is a sign that you’ve touched a nerve in your partner, viewing a place that few ever see. Rather than press your advantage, tread respectfully and ask rather than demand. Let change unfold as your partner can tolerate it.

Over time, John has learned to understand the way I handle conflict. He’s learned my triggers. He’s heard how I react, and why.

The same is true with me.

Through our growth and learning, facing up to our mistakes becomes easier. Through struggles, we butt heads and then join arms again, and we learn new things about each other and the grace given to us by God.

“Conflict is not something to be avoided but something to be navigated,” says Dr. Greg Smalley. “If we want to get to the deeper levels of a relationship, we have to go through conflict. By entering the door of conflict, we learn more about each other and our relationship.”

Sometimes conflict builds up over years, but other times it hits us when we least expect it. One of the most challenging things about married life is cutting out independence and instead fostering interdependence. When married partners solve problems together, we grow closer, instead of letting the challenges get the best of us.

How do you work through conflict?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

Conflict in Marriage Part 1

Every relationship has conflict—some more than others. Unlike the television sitcoms that Gen Xers grew up with, conflict in our daily lives doesn’t wrap up in thirty minutes, with everyone smiling at the end. When I think about all the conflicts John and I have had in the past, they are all based on one thing: selfish thinking on the part of one of us.

It’s an easy thing to succumb to. After all, from birth the world centered around us. It was only over time and reprimands we discovered we will not always get our way.

“Selfishness probably kills more marriages than anything else, including adultery (which is selfishness crawling along slimy depths). Selfishness speaks of my identity, my rights, my fulfillment, my happiness.”

It’s not that we mean to be selfish. It’s just so easy to do. We need to be other centered rather than self-centered!

“Most marriages run into trouble when husbands and wives make two mistakes: they stop doing things that strengthen the relationship, and they start doing things that hurt it,” says Dr. Greg Smalley, author of The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed Of. Repeated disappointments, arguments, and frustrations lead to conflict, negativity, and dullness.”

We know Dr. Smalley’s words are true, and if we take time to stop and think about it, we can point to specific actions, words, and attitudes toward our spouse and either give ourselves a thumbs up or a thumbs down. There is no middle ground, after all. We are either strengthening our relationship or hurting it. Amazingly, this is God’s plan for marriage and life.

In fact, here is what the Bible has to say in Romans 5:3-5 in the Amplified version:

Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.
Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

The patient and unswerving endurance, the character, the hope that results from conflict isn’t something we always think about. It reminds me of those children’s books with the cut out windows. When you open the book and you look through the window you see a small part of the picture . . . and for the life of you can’t figure out what it could possibly be. Then, as you turn the page, the whole picture is revealed and you can see how the small part fits into the whole.

I have to remind myself that my perspective is through a very small window (which is hard when John and I are in the midst of a heated debate), but God sees the complete picture. And He sees how through conflict we actually learn resolution. We learn not to be demanding or selfish. We learn to consider others better than ourselves. We know how to react better next time . . . IF we choose to work through it. IF we choose not to withdraw.

Habitual withdrawal as a way to cope with conflict is a high predictor of divorce. Why? If spouses withdraw from a conflict, they don’t ever solve it. They might try to work out the problem separately or hit the Reset button and try to return the relationship to the status quo, but they never solve anything. And in time that often leads to divorce.

Withdrawal may not look like one of the most damaging relationship germs, but it is. When someone withdraws from conflict, he or she only delays the inevitable. It doesn’t help to leave the battlefield and go out for a long jog; in fact, this usually makes things worse. When we avoid conflict, we merely brush the hurt under the rug of our soul. Eventually the mound of hurt gets so big that it starts spilling out the sides—and what seeps out often looks a lot like anger, bitterness, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, or worse.”

I’ve seen couples who have given into resignation. In fact, I grew up in a home that was like that for many years. I never saw my parents have screaming fights. Yet I never really saw them laughing, talking, or having fun together either. After a while it seemed like they didn’t care.

It’s taken time for me to realize that lack of conflict in a marriage should not be the goal. No one wants an emotionless marriage, but instead one in which the conflict is tended, just as the romance, the care, and the consideration is too.

When it comes to facing conflict in the marriage, the first thing we need to do is figure out the origin of it. Some of the conflict we face is internal. We have an inner sense that something is wrong. Many times this comes from unrealistic expectations. In our minds we fantasize something that is perfect, like Norman Rockwell’s Thanksgiving, and life is not perfect.

Other times conflict comes from something external . . . including, but not limited to, our spouse. Little things, such as over-committing ourselves and burning the candle at both ends, make it easier to get upset over things that most likely wouldn’t bother us on days we’re at peace and well rested.

“The most common mistake couples make is allowing negative emotions to dictate their behavior,” says Gary Chapman, author of The Four Seasons of Marriage. “By failing to recognize the power of a positive attitude, they fail to achieve their marriage’s highest potential.”

One day, my husband John had to work late. I was a little upset but not half as creative as John’s co-worker’s wife. She sent this note in with her husband, “Please excuse my husband by 8:00 p.m. Total compliance is necessary due to his wife-threatening condition.”

It made me think how many times I turned little disagreements, misunderstandings, or unfilled expectations into a wife-threatening condition. Too many to count!

Of course, there are times when conflict involves more than a bad attitude. There is tough stuff that happens within marriage, including addictions and infidelity. And while I would never encourage a spouse to stay in a relationship where there is abuse, in most cases we turn our backs on our vows for far less.

“There are a lot of marriages today that break up just at the point where they could mature and deepen,” says author Madeleine L’Engle. “We are taught to quit when it hurts. But often, it is the times of pain that produce the most growth in a relationship”.

There are many things we fight about in marriage. There are bigger issues that we find hard to forgive, but one thing I try to remember is that John and I are on the same team. Winning an argument, or getting my way, should not be the goal. It doesn’t work that way. If we win, we win together. And if we lose, we both suffer.

I may win the argument, but I hurt my spouse’s heart. I might get my way for the moment, but in exchange my husband throws up his hands . . . and the first seed (or maybe not the first) of indifference sets in.

Find out more in tomorrow's post Conflict in Marriage, Part 2.

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

On Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Susie Larson

This week we'll be hearing about author Susie Larson's work to fight human trafficking. Did you know there are more slaves today than at any other time in history? Hard to believe that startling statistic is true. What's worse is that it is happening right here in America. Join me on Thursday at 3:00 PM Central on Living Inspired as Susie shares stories of tragedy as well as stories of hope and healing.

About Susie: Ask Susie about her conviction for women, and she’ll tell you, “The two pillars in my ministry, the two things I care most about are for women to be drawn into a ‘deeper life in Christ’ that they might live more ‘powerful lives on earth.’ When we pursue a thriving, personal, intimate walk of faith, we can’t help but be compelled to make a difference in our world”

With enthusiasm, humor, and conviction, author/speaker Susie Larson has spoken to thousands of women locally, nationally, and internationally. Susie worked as a freelance writer for the Focus on the Family and published over 50 articles with them. This spring she released her sixth book, “Growing Grateful Kids: Teaching Them to Appreciate an Extraordinary God in Ordinary Places” (Moody Publishers). Susie has been interviewed on radio stations across the country and serves as a regular guest host for Connecting Faith which airs on six stations in the upper Midwest (on the Faith Radio Network). Susie’s new radio show, Live the Promise is set to launch on the 12th of June on the same network. Susie was also recently hired by Moody Radio to record weekly features on women’s issues. Her pieces will air every Friday on Moody’s 36 stations around the country starting on June 11th.

While in Washington D.C., Susie and her husband Kevin, along with national recording artist Sara Groves and her husband Troy, represented International Justice Mission’s*concerns in meetings with Congress as part of their efforts to abolish and prevent human trafficking and slavery. The four of them serve as co-chairs for the IJM benefit banquet in Minnesota. Susie comes with a passion to share the love of a Savior who will never let us go.

Susie and her husband Kevin just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. They have three wonderful grown sons, and now, a new daughter-in-law. For more about Susie and her other books, please visit her website.

*IJM, among other things, rescues young girls from the horrific life of human trafficking (visit ijm.org)

About Susie's latest book:Embracing Your Freedom

Many women feel stuck in their faith. They are bored living in a Christian bubble and long for the greater adventure of significance God designed for them! But just how do we move past our fears and the lies that keep us bound to our past? And are we really called to change the world? Embracing Your Freedom will give you a deeper understanding of your freedom in Christ and a bigger view of God's heart for the world. Walk with Susie Larson as she helps you to:

* Prevent fear from bullying your dreams.
* Know increased boldness in the face of insecurities.
* Experience fulfilling adventures through compassionate service

Foreword by Sara Groves
Moody Publishers

Win a copy of Embracing Your Freedom by leaving a comment HERE.