Come with us on the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise!

Looking for a romantic getaway with your spouse? Join John and myself on FamilyLife's Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise. It is the perfect place to reconnect, recommit and strengthen your marriage.

The ship departs February 14-18, 2011, from Port Canaveral, Fla., and makes stops in Coco Cay & Nassau, Bahamas. The cruise features Dennis & Barbara Rainey, Kirk Cameron, Point of Grace and many more. For more information, visit Love Like You Mean It or call (800) 889-5265.

Today on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Rebecca Janney

Don't miss Living Inspired on Thursday at 3:00 pm Central! (To listen to the show, just follow this link and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen.) Join me on Thursday as Rebecca and I chat about all things MARRIAGE!

About Rebecca:

Dr. Rebecca Price Janney is a theologically trained historian and the author of 18 books including Who Goes There: A Cultural History of Heaven and Hell, Great Women in American History, Great Stories in American History, Harriet Tubman, and two young adult series as well as hundreds of articles in magazines and newspapers. She began writing professionally as a teenager when she covered the Philadelphia Phillies for a New Jersey newspaper. A graduate of Lafayette College, and Princeton Seminary, Rebecca received her D. Min. from Biblical Seminary. She resides with her husband and son in suburban Philadelphia. Visit RebeccaPriceJanney.com to find out more!

About Then Comes Marriage?
A Cultural History of the American Family? Author Rebecca Price Janney examines how people in other eras throughout American history conducted their relationships. How did they fall short of God’s ideal as presented in the Scriptures? How did they get it right? What has led us to becoming a culture of “anything goes” morality? And, conversely, have there been any surprising improvements in recent years? This book is not a culture-war screed, but rather a historical look at the American family, showing that the pattern is more complicated than a downward spiral of morality from our country’s founding to the present. In addition, one of the intriguing features of the book is the author’s close look at marriage and relationships within subcultures that are not often considered, including those of Native Americans, Conquistadors, and slaves. In order to better understand the state of marriage and relationships in the U.S. today, Christians need to better understand not just Scripture but our nation’s history—and Then Comes Marriage? gives readers an accessible, broad, and thought-provoking introduction to both.

Win a copy of Then Comes Marriage - by leaving a comment {HERE}.

Help my friends SEE!

Hello friends –

My dear friends, Dan and Loring Morris, are serving as missionaries in the Wabigalo slums of Kampala, Uganda. (http://teamfivemorris.com) For more than a year they have struggled with an inconsistent and random supply of electricity. They can go weeks/months with just a 2-3 hour daily spurt of electricity. I could go on an on with absurd stories and the impact this has on them personally as well as their growing ministry. Like ... yesterday, with no power at the house, they ran the computers down to the office to charge them, but the electricity only lasted 10 minutes.

Anyway, it turns out this could all be solved with as little as $2000 American. Loring’s mom and sister are leaving in a week to visit and will be able to take them the money. Would you please prayerfully consider dropping some coin? It would be awesome to load Grandma Jodie’s purse with enough cash to purchase a generator and battery backups to power up the Team Five Morris home and the new Sojourn Ministry compound.

Also, if you happen to be a Facebook junkie, would you please post something like this below as a status everyday this week? (Divide $2000.00 with the number of your friends to get an estimate donation amount.)

“My friends @Loring Lee Morris and @Daniel Morris need electricity. If you would like to help, send a donation to bryce@uberblok.com, there would be light. “

THANKS!

Want to hear how I'm settling in?

Catch me today on Margaret McSweeney's Kitchen Chat at 11:00 am Central!

We'll be chatting about my next book - Kristen Anderson's story, Life, In Spite of Me! Also, life with baby Alyssa, John's new job with Family Life, and how I'm surviving without my two oldest children. Have a question for me - I'd love to answer it. Call 1-877-864-4869.

TODAY on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Marlo Schalesky

Don't miss Living Inspired on Thursday at 3:00 pm Central! (To listen to the show, just follow this link and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen.) I'm excited to be chatting with this week's guest, Marlo Schalesky. We'll be talking about infertillity, writing, family, and more!

About Marlo: Marlo Schalesky is the award winning author of seven books, including her latest novel, MarloShades of Morning, which combines a love story with a surprise ending twist to create a new type of novel that she hopes will impact readers at their deepest levels.

Marlo’s other books include If Tomorrow Never Comes, Beyond the Night, Veil of Fire, a novel about finding hope in the fires of life, Empty Womb, Aching Heart- Hope and Help for Those Struggling with Infertility, and Cry Freedom.

She’s had over 600 articles published in various Christian magazines, including Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian Woman, Decision, Moody Magazine, and Discipleship Journal. She has contributed to Dr. Dobson’s Night Light Devotional for Couples, Tyndale’s Book of Devotions for Kids #3, and Discipleship Journal’s 101 Small Group Ideas.

She is a speaker and a regular columnist for Power for Living.

Marlo is also a California native, a small business owner, and a graduate of Stanford University (with a B.S. in Chemistry!). In addition, she has earned her Masters in Theology, with an emphasis in Biblical Studies, from Fuller Theological Seminary.

Marlo lives with her husband and five young children in a log home in Central California.

When she’s not changing diapers, doing laundry, or writing books, Marlo loves Starbucks white mochas, reading the New Testament in Greek, and speaking to groups about finding the deep places of God in the disappointments of life.

About Marlo's latest release - If Tomorrow Never Comes
They say you should reach for your dreams. This time, they’re wrong…

Childhood sweethearts Kinna and Jimmy Henley had simple dreams—marriage, children, a house by the sea…everything they needed for happily ever after. What they didn’t plan on was years of infertility, stealing those dreams, crushing their hopes.

Now, all that’s left is the memory of young love, and the desperate need for a child to erase the pain. Until…

Kinna rescues an elderly woman from the sea, and the threads of the past, present, and future weave together to reveal the wonder of one final hope. One final chance to follow not their dreams, but God’s.

Can they embrace the redemptive power of love before it’s too late? Or will their love be washed away like the castles they once built upon the sand? The past whispers to the present. And the future shivers. What if tomorrow never comes?

Guest Blogger ... Ben Whiting!

The Blueprint Is Your Friend

I started writing fiction seriously five or six years ago. At the same time I began reading what I could get my hands on about how to write well. Since then, I’ve seen very little that questions the common idea that outlining and writing by the seat of your pants are simply matters of preference. There’s no right way—whatever works for you.

I agree to an extent. The bottom line is, and always will be, a well-told story. How you get there is up to you, and both methods can get there, but I believe one of them is clearly superior for the non-expert.

A novice can stumble blindly through several drafts with determination, learn by trial and error, and eventually put out a well-told story—but I don’t think we should encourage that method.

Does Any Other Job Work This Way?

Does a wannabe architect read a book or two and start telling workers where to place walls? No—she goes to school for years to learn what can and cannot be done. Frank Lloyd Wright’s designs might look like he made them up as he went, but I highly doubt he did.

Even if he did, it was only because he had spent so much time immersed in the world of house building that he had internalized the rules and knew what would and wouldn’t work. Could a novice architect build from the seat of her pants and expect a similar result? Hardly.

Stories, like anything else worth creating (be it house, sculpture, or painting), take a mixture of talent (innate), skill (learned), and sweat (from working both hard and long).

But What About So and So?

I understand that many highly successfully authors don’t outline. In fact, some even encourage others not to outline. Just jump in—the water’s great.

But these authors usually say that after writing dozens of novels or, at the least, dozens of drafts. They’ve poured time into learning what makes a story work through trial and error and the examples of others. They’ve internalized the blueprint, and they know the principles well enough that they can make it up as they go.

I think the mistake we make is assuming that the method used by a master is the secret formula to their success. Stephen King does it that way, so if I do it that way I’ll write like he does. We fail to realize that his years of experience are what enabled him to use that method in the first place.

I’m not them. I doubt you are either. If you want to write a story without planning for your own self-satisfaction, go ahead. But if you want to produce something worthy of publication, you probably need to use a different process until you’ve built a few houses.

Watch, Learn, Apply

Find a master, someone you read with awe. Read her books over and over, asking why it works so well. Read some books on storytelling, like James Scott Bell’s Plot and Structure, or start reading Larry Brook’s blog posts on the same subject at storyfix.com. Learn the principles that undergird a great story.

Then apply those concepts to your own writing. Even now that you’ve put in the time to learn your craft, I still recommend you use a blueprint up front for your first few houses. You’re bound to make mistakes, especially early in your career. If you make a mistake while drafting a blueprint, no harm done. But if you’ve already built the house, you might have to tear the whole thing down before you can build it back right.

~o~

Ben Whiting is a full-time English student at the University of Texas at Arlington and co-general editor of the 10th anniversary edition of Marine Creek Reflections. He recently completed his suspense novel, Penumbra.

Kitchen Chat

Join me Friday on Kitchen Chat as I talk with Margaret McSweeney about my life! We're talking about it all -- books, mentoring, writing, homeschooling, adoption and helping teen moms! Wow. Looks like we should have plenty to talk about!

We are also going to talk about my most recent release:

Life, In Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice
Written by Kristen Jane Anderson, As told to Tricia Goyer

She wanted to die. God had other plans.

Why does my life have to be so painful?
What’s wrong with me?
It’s not going to get better.
It could all be over soon, and then I won’t hurt anymore.

Kristen Anderson thought she had the picture-perfect life until strokes of gray dimmed her outlook: three friends and her grandmother died within two years. Still reeling from these losses, she was raped by a friend she thought she could trust. She soon spiraled into a seemingly bottomless depression.

Life, In Spite of MeOne January night, the seventeen-year-old decided she no longer wanted to deal with the emotional pain that smothered her. She lay down on a set of cold railroad tracks and waited for a freight train to send her to heaven…and peace.

But Kristen's story doesn’t end there.

In Life, In Spite of Me this remarkably joyful young woman shares the miracle of her survival, the agonizing aftermath of her failed suicide attempt, and the hope that has completely transformed her life, giving her a powerful purpose for living.

Her gripping story of finding joy against all odds provides a vivid and unforgettable reminder that life is a gift to be treasured.

Includes notes of encouragement Kristen wishes she had received when she was struggling most.Read an excerpt and watch the video trailer here!

“Life, In Spite of Me is a remarkable story of life beyond despair and hope that triumphs over tragedy.”
—Louie Giglio, pastor, Passion City Church/The Passion Movement

“Suicide is a liar and a thief. It promises peace to those who are escaping but delivers unimaginable pain and rejection to those left behind. Kristen Jane Anderson’s riveting story unmasks the thief and gives hope a face.”
—Dr. Dennis Rainey, president, FamilyLife Ministries

“When I first met Kristen, I was overwhelmed with her smile, and then I saw her wheelchair. It was a defining moment for me. I had not heard her story or why she’d ended up at Moody. But it was her smile—and it is still her smile—that dismantles me. Kristen has something. It is something otherworldly. She had every reason to die, but now she has every reason to live. I hope you’ll read her story, see her smile, and know why she lives.”
—Michael Easley, former president, Moody Bible Institute

I also shared a wonderful Taco Soup Recipe on Kitchen Chat, so click HERE to get it!

Don't forget to join us, Friday, 11 AM CST, on Kitchen Chat!

Serving your spouse.

Marriage isn’t all about romance or heart connections. (Don’t we wish!) The everyday stuff of life includes housework, yard work, and more. Much more.

I’ll never forget the look on my new husband’s face as he took a bite of the stew I’d had simmering in the crockpot all day. We’d only been married a few weeks, and I’d decided to embrace the role of domestic goddess. I knew I was no June Cleaver, or even Alice from the Brady Bunch. Still, wanting to do this marriage thing right, I’d purchased a cookbook and set to work.

John took a big bite of beef stew, chewed slowly, then swallowed. “Uh honey, was that a grape?” “A grape?” I scooted my spoon around in the bowl, my smile fading. Sure enough, the raisins (which the recipe had called for, by the way) had swelled into large, fat grapes. Not only that, the grapes had given the whole pot a “fruity” flavor. Even after we picked them out we deemed the meal inedible.

My new husband was kind as I blubbered on about having never made stew before. In fact, as he soon found out, I’d never made much of anything. Growing up in the recession of the 80’s both my parents worked. Dinner often consisted of TV dinners or Banquet fried chicken from a box. When my mom did cook from scratch, I was usually at cheerleading practice or studying for a test. Besides, it was easier for Mom to just do it herself than to show me how.

After that “raisin stew” dinner (and a dozen similar ones to follow) my enthusiasm waned. How in the world could I get the hang of this domestic thing? Where was Caroline Ingalls when I need her? Ma, help!

A hundred years ago women lived among a community where young girls were trained on the finer ways of caring for a home. For the most part, when a new bride stepped into her role as wife she was prepared for her domestic roles—namely sewing, cleaning and, yes, cooking.

I entered my marriage with good intentions and very little skill. Still, my efforts weren’t hindered. I was a smart girl. I was on the Dean’s List in college for heaven’s sake. How hard could it be?

I soon learned to cook and clean. But . . . that didn’t mean I liked it. Remember those expectations I talked about in the first chapter? I wanted John to do MORE around the house ... anything would help.

I tried complaining. I tried nagging. I was a wonderful martyr.

Then I decided to pray about it.

Amazingly, instead of zapping my husband, God took me back to my unfulfilled expectations. In His gentle way, God asked me to look at my heart. He also reminded me of John 13:3-5 and 14-16 where Jesus wrapped a towel around his waist and washed His disciple’s feet.

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him . . .
“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”(NIV)

Jesus didn’t serve because he was inferior. He served out of power. Out of love.

“We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the growth of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail,” says Oswald Chambers. “Never believe that the so-called random events of life are anything less than God’s appointed order. Be ready to discover his divine designs anywhere and everywhere.”

Really? Could God’s divine designs be found in the ordinary stuff of life too?

There are two ways we can approach the dirty laundry—with resentment and competition (I do more than he/she does . . .) or with a heart of service and love, as Jesus showed us. The latter is the better choice, of course.

What area is it difficult for you to serve your spouse?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

Today on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Jason Rovenstine from Summerside Press!

Don't miss Living Inspired on Thursday at 3:00 pm Central! (To listen to the show, just follow this link and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen.) I'm thrilled to be chatting with this week's guest, Jason Rovenstine. He is the creative director at Summerside Press. He is also an amazing man, dad & husband with an incredible story to share with us.

A bit about Jason:
Today, I am: Normal. I think. I raise kids, eat whole wheat toast, love my wife, and can’t resist the temptation to explain magic tricks to kids.

My Past: I’ve had an ongoing love affair with greeting cards, letters and anything that brings people together in authentic relationships.

Biggest ever, most awesome stunt ever pulled: Getting my wife to say, “I do.”

What I do: I work with books. Actually, that’s not true. I work with people. I find good people, with a clear passion, and a message that is for now and then make sure books don’t get in the way of that message getting out.

What get’s me really excited: I love taking my family on adventures overseas and bringing working hope to some of the most destitute and needy people of the world.

Jason has generously offered to give away 10 copies of HopeMinute during the show today! For your chance to win one, just leave a comment here (include your email address)!

About HopeMinute: More than just another book in the Summerside Press™ Spring 2010 line, HopeMinute came out of a special relationship between Summerside Press™ creative director, Jason Rovenstine, and the HopeKids organization. When Rovenstine’s young son was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, it was Rob and Susan Cottrell and HopeKids who helped make a difficult path somewhat more easily traversed because it was attended by a series of kind acts done for the family over an extended period of time. With things as small as tickets to movies, concerts, or sporting events for the whole family, HopeKids helps families have fun and make memories in the midst of trying times.

“HopeKids helped us be a normal family through some abnormal circumstances. In fact, without them, we would have spent a lot more time focusing on cancer this past year than on sharing special times as a family and getting through this together,” Rovenstine said. “The HopeMinute book is a natural expression of what they already do. We knew from the start that we wanted to share the message of HopeKids with people—facing all kinds of situations—who need a life-giving dose of hope.”

To read more about this book go here!

Advice for young writers ... from a young writer: Research AND Have Fun!

Hey, everyone! Today, I’m going to write about how you can research your novel and still have fun doing it. Because, face it, writing is supposed to be fun!

*Take a trip.
Even if you can’t go to the place where you have set your story, traveling often just gives you that extra nudge to help you put words on paper. Also, writing conferences can be really inspiring places. The writers there are often really encouraging to young authors and want to see you do well. If you can’t afford to travel across the country, keep a look out for writing events where local authors will be present.

*Write with friends.
If you can, joining a writing club can be an awesome experience. You can bounce ideas off friends and see what they think of your story. Most the time, they also have critique sessions and you can learn what you need to improve in a loving environment. Not only that, but they are usually pretty cheap to join.

*Know what your audience wants.
Every writing project should have a particular audience in mind. Whether you’re writing for children, teens, or adults, you should have a good idea of what’s on the market. Spend a day or two at the bookstore. Bummer, I know. Pick up books in your genre and read the first few pages. What kind of books does your audience seem excited about?

*Go to the movies!
Movies are actually a great place to get an idea of what your audience is excited about, travel on a very low budget, and see friends. How convenient is that? Go to movies that apply to what you’re writing about or go to something you think would help you generate ideas. Keep in mind that the details might not be necessarily correct, but seeing movies can help you get some words on the page.

~~~

More About Alexa:
My current website is here. You can also contact me through email, Facebook, my blog, and Twitter. I'd be happy to answer any questions about publishing, my book, or anything that comes to mind.

Alexa Schnee has always wanted to be a writer. She is the youngest recipient ever of the Mount Hermon "Most Promising Writer" Award. She loves the smell of the bookstore, because nothing in the world smells exactly like it. She enjoys spending time with her family, including her parents and her sister and brother. She also likes shopping, playing the piano and guitar, and traveling. She listens to Indie music and drinks way too much coffee. She will never, ever like math and she will always love dancing in the Montana rain.

The past.

I looked like the perfect bride when, at age eighteen, I walked down the aisle to where John waited. Although outwardly I was adorned in a beautiful gown, inside I wore scars of past hurts. In my hands I carried a fragrant bouquet of roses. In my mind memories of embraces with past lovers—secret intimacies that had fulfilled me for a season.

A smile curled my lips as ruffles trailed behind me, but I didn’t truly understand the impact of those past relationships until years later.

It took years for the layers of pain, doubt, longing, and loss to reveal them from where they’d lain buried. Even though I had a good marriage, memories of past boyfriends surfaced at the oddest times. Sometimes in my dreams. Sometimes due to a song on the radio. And other times they appeared out of nowhere, like scenes from a movie replaying in my mind.
Shame was my first response. Then guilt. How could I let my mind go there? Followed by an honest longing to leave the past . . . in the past.

I’d turn to God. Plead with him to wash away the thoughts and scrub away the layers of longings. But more often than not, I’d discover a toughened skin of memories and emotions beneath the surface of the one peeled away.

I sought forgiveness for many past mistakes, from both God and myself. Losing my virginity in high school. Getting pregnant twice. Having an abortion, and later a child at seventeen. I dealt with each mistake on my knees. And while John was a faithful and caring husband, I believed I could only face these struggles alone. First, because it was my heart that had been wounded. Second, I knew God alone provided the source of true healing. And third, because there were things I didn’t want to admit, even to John. He knew I’d been pregnant twice, but he knew little about those past relationships. He knew I’d been hurt and abandoned, but I knew in order to explain the impact of those circumstances, I’d have to bear my soul. No thanks.

Instead, it felt easier to keep everything hidden away and tucked inside. Easier to simply carry my tears and prayers to God who knew everything and still loved me.

So that’s the way we lived for years. With me holding back and believing John might not love me as much if he “knew the whole truth.” And with John always feeling as if I’d never given him my whole heart.

The fact was I hadn’t.
...

Telling John wasn’t easy.

John listened. He cried, and he took me in his arms and confessed his love for me. Then he prayed over me. He prayed that God would heal me and help me do the right thing. John prayed for his own strength, too. He prayed for our wounded hearts. He prayed that God would help us face this battle together and come out stronger at the end.

And the truth be told, when I confessed everything to my husband and witnessed intense love in his gaze . . . I have never loved John more. At that moment, I also understood God’s love deeper than I ever had.

Did you start your marriage keeping something from your spouse? Have you told them yet?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

House for Sale!

5 Bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths, office, sitting room with library shelves, large great room, two person jetted tub in Master bedroom.

Extra large garage with shop, RV power and pad, Rocky Mountain views, wired throughout for Internet

Kalispell, Montana
$324,900

For viewing contact Twyla Klundt, Living Montana Realty 406-261-0536

For more photos go here!

Is your heart open for intimacy?

Overall, I would say intimacy is one of my biggest struggles in our marriage. Even before last year I felt as if I had a whole separate part of me, deep inside, that John knew nothing about. I would share my feelings, as long as they didn’t bring up conflict (or even if I thought they had the smallest chance of causing conflict). It was easier for me to put on a happy face, than to pour out my heart—it still is. Intimacy is something that’s great to talk about, but it’s hard to do.

Couples choose to marry because we want a heart-connection with one other person for life. That’s why I married John. But it’s hard to make a connection when my heart is surrounded by a solid, brick wall.

One definition of intimacy that I’ve heard, and I have used in my writing, is: “In-To-Me-See.” But this is only possible when there is transparency between spouses—including sharing the truth about past conflicts, pain from former relationships, and personal struggles (both past and present).

I resisted transparency, even after sixteen years of marriage, in part because I was afraid to let John know how sinful I really am. I was sure he’d hate me (although I don’t know why I thought that) if he knew all my wild high school years involved. Or if he knew my current day-by-day struggles.

Over the years, it was easier to keep things to myself than to risk seeing disappointment or pain in my husband’s gaze. And, I realize now, even though I’ve been in a committed relationship from the time I was eighteen, I feared love. (Or every example I saw love to be.) I witnessed what it did to my own parents. I felt what it did with every other past relationship.
...

And over time I’ve worked to reveal myself to John, layer by layer. It’s a process, but I’m seeing the difference it makes on our level of intimacy. I feel loved after I bear all, and as I witness love in my husband’s gaze.
The following things help me as I peel away the layers:

I understand that my wall of protection was a coping mechanism. God created us with the ability to cope. Yet, now that I was nearly two-decades into a loving, committed relationship, my fear was a coping mechanism I no longer needed. After all, my issues and insecurities came B.C. (before Christ) and before John.

I realized I did not need to feel guilty for my lack of intimacy. Guilt never helped me connect. In fact, it just pushed me further from a resolution. Instead, I started looking ahead to the hope and freedom found in connecting with my spouse.

I discovered where the fear came from. We have an enemy of our souls who will use anything he can to keep us disconnected from God and from our spouses. I chose to believe God’s promise that He is not a God of fear but of power and a sound mind!

I found out that God could help. The closer I grew to God, the more I understood the barriers I’d erected around my heart. Yet God did not leave me to tear them down alone, but worked within me as only He can.
As Abbas said, we can ask God to “help us connect the dots from our head to our heart.” I didn’t want to let down my guard, so I prayed God would help me release my fear—help me to engage. In return, God answered my prayers by softening all the hard parts of my soul.

Also, during the time I struggled to let John into my inner recesses, I discovered I wasn’t the only one praying. My husband also prayed for God to show me His love through John. He prayed that his responses would be ones that would draw us closer and make me more comfortable with intimacy in marriage.

And though I felt God’s strength to open myself up more and more to John—not keeping my internal life separate from the external one—it wasn’t easy. One thing that helped the most was to talk in the dark of our bedroom, staring at the black ceiling. It also helped John to know I didn’t expect him to give me a response, or solve anything, simply feeling him by my side was enough . . . followed by his embrace and whispered affection when I was through spilling my guts.

Do you have ways that help you to open up your heart?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

TODAY on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Kristin Andress

Don't miss Living Inspired on Thursday at 3:00 pm Central! (To listen to the show, just follow this link and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen.) We'll be interviewing my friend, Kristin Andress on Thursday. Kristin is an amazing woman ... and I think she knows EVERYBODY. Wow - the circles she travels in. :) Kristin will be sharing a bit about her story, her life and her new book, Imagine Being. Don't miss Kristin's unique approach to life on this Thursday's Living Inspired!

Kristin the Consultant:

Kristin is the CEO of Andress Consulting, based in Solana Beach, California. AndressConsulting has been in business since 2002 and brings to clients the value proposition of exploring their ideas, passions, or visions—and exploding them to the possibilities. Kristin consults with authors, businesses, and entrepreneurs to create business, marketing, and promotional strategies; and craft key messages and the collateral to describe and position the person, product, or service offerings. She specializes in getting into the fabric of her clients’ lives, work, or businesses, and simplifies what is seemingly complex. In doing so, her clients become laser-focused and clear, which leads to creating the connections with complementary businesses, media, and distribution avenues required to generate scale.

Kristin the Director:

Prior to launching Andress Consulting, Kristin enjoyed a ten-year career with Arthur Andersen, serving as Director of Tax and Legal–Performance and Learning. She led global operations of a fifty-two person team in the United States and had coordination oversight of twenty-five people in Cambridge, England, and Asia/Pacific, with responsibility for a multi-million dollar budget.

Kristin enjoyed growing up in the small town of Pittsfield, Illinois, and regularly returns to visit family. Short stays are coupled with the niggling need to rub in her return to the ocean air and golf courses of Solana Beach, California, where she resides. Kristin can be reached at Kristin@ImagineBeing.com.

Advice for young writers ... from a young writer: Managing your time!

Hey, everyone. Hope you don’t mind if I crash Mrs. Goyer’s blog again. I don’t know about you, but managing my time is an important skill I’m still learning. However, here are a few things that I hope are helpful (and that Mrs. Goyer has taught me).

*Make a schedule.
Even if you never look at it again, at least you have an idea of what is going on over the next few days. It’s easier to keep track of all that you have going on!

*Set a word count.
It helps a lot to get an idea of how much work you are going to get done every day. Know how many words is a challenge for you and set a reasonable limit. If you can write 2,000 words on break or the weekends, then you might want to set a smaller limit for days you have homework or other things going on. In other words, go easy on yourself!

*Dirty work first.
Writers are wonderful procrastinators. It’s too bad, because if we could some of the dirty work done first, we’d have more time to do the fun stuff! When I get home from school, it’s really hard to sit down and do my homework, but I find I have so much more time to write if I get the stuff I don’t like out of the way first.

*Use time off.
It’s so easy to look at times when you have a break in our schedule as time to just to play hookie. This is a good time to actually dig in and do some writing, though. Breaks from school and work can be wonderful writing times. Think of all the hours you have to craft your story!

*Rest.
Whew! You’ve accomplished everything! Good for you. Now, sit back, relax and so something fun. Know what your biggest stress relievers are (tea, good book, and a warm blanket for me) and enjoy yourself. You’re amazing!

~~~

More About Alexa:
My current website is here. You can also contact me through email, Facebook, my blog, and Twitter. I'd be happy to answer any questions about publishing, my book, or anything that comes to mind.

Alexa Schnee has always wanted to be a writer. She is the youngest recipient ever of the Mount Hermon "Most Promising Writer" Award. She loves the smell of the bookstore, because nothing in the world smells exactly like it. She enjoys spending time with her family, including her parents and her sister and brother. She also likes shopping, playing the piano and guitar, and traveling. She listens to Indie music and drinks way too much coffee. She will never, ever like math and she will always love dancing in the Montana rain.

A Marriage with a Mission.

While we have individual dreams and goals, couples should also have a mission and purpose for their marriage. For some couples it may be to minister in their local church, or open their home to needy children. Still others may be called to short-term mission trips. No matter what it is, the world will benefit greatly from united, God-loving teams.

“When you reach out as a team, something good happens—an almost mystical bonding of husband wife,” say authors Les and Leslie Parrot. “Reaching out promotes humility, sharing, compassion, and intimacy. Doing good for others helps couples transcend themselves and become part of something larger.”

Over the years, John and I have had dreams that include both of us—and our family as a whole. For example, twelve years ago we moved to Montana—following God’s leading to find a quieter place to raise our kids. We’ve decided to homeschool our children. And while I do the majority of the teaching, John is the superintendent, technical support, financial officer, and cheering squad.

We also have dreams are yet-to-be-fulfilled. Together we felt God calling us to international adoption, which is in process. We also have future dreams of working with children, perhaps in an international orphanage. While this is not something we’ll do next year, we’re already talking, dreaming, planning. We’ve even taken steps such as refinancing our home from a 30-year note, to one that is 15-years to be free for where God would take us. We’re also reading books that deal with the emotional needs of abandoned children. Small steps, but steps just the same.

Do you wonder where to start when it comes to considering God’s plan for your future? Here are a few places to look:

Look Back

Years ago, I received this advice from my friend, mentor, and fellow writer Robin Jones Gunn. She told me one of the best ways to see where God was working was to consider where He’s already led us.

Two questions she encouraged us to ask were: What purpose has He given me? What is His desire?

The next thing Robin had us do, was to write our personal story, starting from our birth to present day—hitting the high and low points. After that was done, she asked us to highlight certain areas with different colored markers. These points were:


1. Key people.
2. Key events.
3. Key lessons.
4. Lies.



This was a life-transforming activity, and these themes could clearly be seen in my life:


Unwed pregnancy (both me and my mom)

Love of books and reading

Abortion

Intimacy and heartache

Longings for love

Teen in the 80’s (media influences)

Single parenting

God’s liberation and transformation

Marriage

Raising a godly family
Children’s leader
Crisis pregnancy center volunteer
Family ministry
Writing

Above is my expanded list—it has grown since 1998—but major themes continue to resurface: family, helping those in crisis, ministry. Looking back at these high points reminds me that where God has been working He’ll most likely continue to work. And where John’s path joins mine, it is clear working with children, and those in need, and sharing the love of God with others are joint passions.

So what about you? What major events have touched your life? Where can you see God at work? I would highly recommend you try this activity. After all, the messages God spoke in your past are often your life messages He later builds on.


Look Inside

It’s good to take time to let your mind wander . . . prayerfully of course.

As you begin to pray about your dreams, consider these questions: What interests are you most afraid to admit to others? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? What would you do if financial constraints were not an issue? What stirs your heart and makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning? What would you regret not having done if you knew your life was ending tomorrow?

When we are praying for God to show us the dreams for our lives and merely think on the small scale of what we can accomplish in our own strength, it is like going to the ocean with a teaspoon. We at least need to go with a pitcher! Then when He reveals what we are to do in His strength, we will be able to dip into His vast resources and pour His blessing onto those around us.

God has a plan and is looking for men and women who are willing to put their meager dreams aside and enter into a dream world of His making. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).[ii]

Look Up

Okay, so now that your mind is wandering, dreaming big dreams, your heart may be pounding too. It’s not pounding from excitement. (Okay, maybe a little from excitement.) But mostly it’s pounding from fear . . . God I can NEVER do that.

Yes, you’re right. Alone you NEVER can, but 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV) is a Scripture verse I repeat to myself over and over:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

If we consider God’s communication in the Bible, we see that when He had a plan, He then approached His people, and they heard what He said. They responded. And out of their obedient response they were blessed.

One of the biggest dream-busters is the phrase; “I don’t have time right now.” Many of us believe that when we advance in our careers, when the house is reorganized, when the kids are older, and all our other projects are complete we will make time for these God-given dreams.

“Often, we convince ourselves that our obsession with our ‘to do’ list is only temporary—that once we get through the list, we’ll be calm, relaxed, and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked off, new ones simply replace them,” says Richard Carlson, Ph. D, in his book ­­Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

The preacher of Ecclesiastes also knew about busyness—he knew it didn’t work. Ecclesiastes 4:6 says, “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.”(NIV)

Chasing after the wind is fruitless. So is scurrying through our days trying to complete a to-do list that will never see an end. Only we can free ourselves from the crazed dance of busyness and allow ourselves time to contemplate God’s gifts and callings, and to make plans to fulfill His purposes.

“See, the Lord doesn’t expect our steps to be perfect. He just expects us to be obedient, to take the first step, and to let Him do the rest,” says Sharon Jaynes.

“Your life is part of God’s grand design. No matter how you came into the world, no matter what your past, God has known about you and has ordained an ever-unfolding plan for your life (Jeremiah 1:5). His ultimate design is for us to be conformed to the image of His Son. He uses the hammer and chisel of circumstances and shattered dreams to remove the unnecessary and superfluous parts to reveal the masterpiece within. Just as Michelangelo removed chunks and bits of marble to unveil the magnificent statue of David, so God removes anything that hinders or hides the beautiful creatures He created us to be.”

Look At Each Other

“In the biblical account of creation, God’s expressed desire is that the two ‘will become one flesh,’” writes Gary Chapman, author of The Four Seasons of Marriage. “At the heart of marriage, therefore, is the idea of unity . . . Thus, marriage is not simply a relationship; it is an intimate relationship that encompasses all aspects of life: intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual and physical. In a marriage relationship, a husband and wife share life with each other in the deepest possible way. They view themselves as a unified team, not as two individuals who happen to be living in close proximity. Because the desire and drive for intimacy are at the very heart of marriage, the individuals involved become troubled about their relationship when such intimacy is not attained.”

Yes, husband and wives share the checkbook, the house, the refrigerator, their kids, their bodies . . . sharing their dreams is an additional layer of intimacy. And unless these God-given dreams are fulfilled together, something will always feel unsettled and just not right.

But once you step out together, you will discover unity and intimacy like you’ve never imagined . . . and the world will be transformed from your joint efforts.

Do you have a mission statement for yourself or your marriage?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

What Era? contest winners

Wow - I loved reading all the entries for this contest for Songbird Under a German Moon!

The winners are:

• Patricia from Pollywog Creek
• Linda (desertrose)
• Jennifer L.

So fun ... here's just a taste of some of your favorite time periods:

Martha said: I'd love to go back and live in the Old West right after the Civil War.

Meghan said: I would have to say the late 70\'s disco era.... Every Saturday I find myself glued to the 70\'s station on Sirius radio listening to Casey Kasem (who we all know from playing the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo ) So now I'm in love with the disco era and I even have a record player and a growing collection of 33's to prove it. So if I could somehow dwindle myself back in time, that is the era I'd have to go back to (even if it meant living without my computer, and all the good books that they have to read today).

Rebecca said: My heart goes to the Civil War Era...I have a thing about slavery and would love to have been one to help along the underground railroad!

Aik said: I wish I lived in ancient Egypt.

Annie said: I've always wondered what it would be like to live in the 1860s. I absolutely love those dresses.

Jennifer said: Regency or middle ages...The clothes say it all! Plus, who wouldn't want a dashing duke, or prince to fall in love with them? Plus, I've loved Jane Austen ever since I was in High School. Middle Ages are awesome just because of the castles and knights and kings, and jousting tournaments. Chaucer kinda got me into it all with his Canterbury Tales. (which most people find dull, but I'm a Lit nerd!)

Nancye said: I would like to live in the 50's in a Beaver Cleaver like family. Life seemed so much more simpler then.

Koopermom said: The Roarin' 20's!!

Thanks so much for playing along ... to find out more about the blog tour or to read what people are saying about Songbird Under a German Moon, go here!

Advice for Teens: Talking to yourself!

What are you talking to yourself about?

No, I’m serious. What do you say?

Whether we know it or not, there is a continual dialogue going through our minds. The dialogue occurs in two ways:
1) Unscripted: Out-of-control, spontaneous, unanchored. It’s when your social calendar, the people around you, and whatever emotion of the day or hour takes over and rules your life.

2) Scripted: A solid plan. It’s something YOU create after thinking through situations, considering your plans and what you want, talking to God about your worries, cares, and your hopes. Then you actively determine how to handle life (with God’s help and strength). So even when everything feels whacked out, you have something solid to hold onto.

Unfortunately, during my teen years, I didn’t have any idea it was possible to script my thoughts. I learned quickly that how I thought, was what I believed. And what I believed, I lived. And living with my emotions just millime-ters from the surface didn’t always make a pretty picture.

How about you? What does your current, internal dialogue involve? Your thoughts will control your beliefs— which, in turn, will control your actions. This may not result in throwing punches . . . although that is a real possibility.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to leave your life (thoughts, beliefs, actions) to chance. You don’t have to be caught up in the drama, pulled along by every new character that pops into the scenes of your life (whether positively or negatively). Instead, you can realize you are the Star

Performer in your life story. You can write the script. Being the Star Performer of your world doesn’t mean you’re the center of the universe, but rather you understand that God—who is the center of the universe—created you with a role to play. Not only that, He’s provided His Word (the Script) and the Holy Spirit (the Internal Director) to guide you along the way.

To live life scripted means to allow God’s Word to guide your thoughts, actions, emotions, and desires before you throw yourself into the drama of life.

© Tricia Goyer

So. What ARE you saying to yourself?

Husbands need respect.

Amazingly, a hunger for respect is more right on than I ever realized. At work, my husband receives kudos for a job well done. His paycheck and bonuses verify his skill and dedication. John also works hard to provide and protect his family.

Respecting John is admiring his work, his character, and his care. It’s telling him that I appreciate these things and admire him for the man he is. It’s not talking bad about him to my friends or even behind closed doors. It’s ‘talking him up’ at home and in front of others and not second guessing his ideas. It’s honoring his opinions and decisions. (Which is tough, especially when my opinion differs!)

Basically, it’s my job as a wife to go against society and their “liberated thinking” and figure out how to unconditionally respect my husband and honor him.

But what does respect have to do with life-time commitment? Everything. After all, why would a woman want to stick with a man she can’t respect? And why would a man want to stay around when he is treated as the one messing up all the time? (Marriage is more than this, of course. We made a covenant before God, and God has called us to commit for life. We’ll talk about this too. But just think how we can transform our marriages, and our generation, when we strive to follow this principle.)

Of course God always knew what we’re just starting to understand. Check out Ephesians 5:33, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).

Yet unconditional respect, it seems, is something that generations of women have forgotten how to do.

It’s not that we wives purposefully set out to sabotage our marriages, but this is what lack of respect does. We tell our husbands we want them to be spiritual leaders and the head of the house, but then we make all the decisions . . . or question the decisions they do make. (Ouch! I’ve done this too many times to count.)

If we’re going to strive for “forever” we need to think of the ways we can make this thing last. This is part of the work and the planning. A good question to ask is: How can I show my husband the respect he desires?

In an effort to show my respect, I try to remind John I believe in his capabilities, take time to understand his point-of-view, and affirm his accomplishments. John appreciates it when I stop what I’m doing to give him a pat on the back when he’s manicured the front lawn, cleaned the garage, or built a set of bookshelves. When I first started doing it I felt like a mom talking to a three-year-old, “Great job, honey.” But from his smile, I quickly learned that he was energized by my praise.

The amazing thing is that when you do look for ways to show respect, and you do work at it, your needs are met, too. Because your husband is getting what he needs, he pours out his love in return.

Emerson Eggerich, in his book Love and Respect, calls this the Energizing Cycle. “Her love motivates his respect. His respect motivates her love.” I can confess, being in this cycle is indeed energizing . . . and fun!

So why is respect still a foreign word even to those of us who know its power? This is a hard one, since many times we weren’t raised seeing it lived To put it in a more culture-friendly term, another word for respect is admiration. And this is how Dictionary.com defines them both:

Respect: -noun. Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

Admiration: -noun. A feeling of wonder, pleasure or approval.

What would a man give for a wife that respects and admires him? I’ve seen this lived out . . . his whole heart.

How can you show your husband that you respect him?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage

TODAY on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Karen Ball

Don't miss Living Inspired on Thursday at 3:00 pm Central! (To listen to the show, just follow this link and click on the player in the upper right corner of the screen.) We'll be interviewing author and Senior Acquisitions Editor at B&H Publishing, Karen Ball. I will be working with Karen as I write the books in my new Amish series.

Karen Ball has always loved stories. She considers it a gift that for the last twenty-five-plus years she's been able, both as an author and an editor, to use that love to bring wonderful novels to readers.

Karen the Editor:
Currently the Senior Acquisitions Editor for B&H Publishing Group, Karen learned her craft while heading up fiction for Tyndale House Publishers, Multnomah Publishers, and Zondervan.

She loves the synergy of editing, and the chance to come alongside authors and help them craft the very best novels they can. "My job as an editor is to come alongside the author and serve. And I love that!"

Another inexplicable blessing is the fact that she's been allowed to work with a number of notable authors, including Francine Rivers, Karen Kingsbury, Gilbert Morris, Liz Curtis Higgs, Angela Elwell Hunt, Robin Jones Gunn, Terri Blackstock, Lt. Col. Oliver North, and Lori Copeland.

Karen the Author:
Karen's latest full-length novel, What Lies Within, has been nominated as the Best Inspirational Novel of the Year. Readers regularly call Karen's writing powerful, uplifting, and fun. She writes from her home in Oregon, where she lives with her husband, Don, and their two "kids": Dasha, a mischievous 4-month-old Siberian husky, and Dakota, an Aussie-Terrier mix that should have been named Psycho.

Next to working with words, Karen's greatest joys are playing with her dogs, laughing, savoring nature and wildlife, and finding wonder in everyday life. For more about Karen and her books, please visit her website: www.karenballbooks.com!