Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Writing about what you love ... advice for young writers from a young writer!


Guess what? I’m back! Today I thought I would talk a bit more about writing what you love.

Sometimes, do you feel as though you have nothing to write about? I get that feeling a lot. Even when you have a going project you can feel as though you have nothing to put down on paper. Frankly, those days it’s very easy just not to write. However, finding something you’re passionate about makes all the difference!

Here are some things I (and some other authors I’ve met) find helpful:

*Go to a place that inspires you.
It could be a park, your room, or even the mall. (Lot of interesting people there.) Drink it all in. What are the people saying? Is there a particular store that catches your eye? What are they selling there? These are all things that can add detail to whatever story/article/non-fiction/poem you are writing. That brings me to my next…

*Decide what kind of writing you want to do.
Do you love a good story? Maybe fiction is the type of writing you want to try. Would you like to inform someone about an event that changed you? Articles are a good way to express your opinions on things. Pick what kind of writing your first inclination points to and go with that.

*Read. Write. Play!
Read about the things you love or are thinking you might write about. Not only can you see how another author might approach something, but you can also get a good idea of what’s on the market for your kind of writing and subject.

Also, write about your topic in a different context. Practice writing in another character’s head rather than your main character. Sometimes, just a change in perspective can put us right back on track.

Here’s the fun part. Go to plays relating to what you want to start writing about! See movies! Take a class! Research can be really fun and doesn’t just have to be reading dusty library books. (Though we probably should do that, too.) Any kind of research relating to what you write about is good.

~~~

More About Alexa:
My current website is here. You can also contact me through email, Facebook, my blog, and Twitter. I'd be happy to answer any questions about publishing, my book, or anything that comes to mind.

Alexa Schnee has always wanted to be a writer. She is the youngest recipient ever of the Mount Hermon "Most Promising Writer" Award. She loves the smell of the bookstore, because nothing in the world smells exactly like it. She enjoys spending time with her family, including her parents and her sister and brother. She also likes shopping, playing the piano and guitar, and traveling. She listens to Indie music and drinks way too much coffee. She will never, ever like math and she will always love dancing in the Montana rain.


Monday, March 29, 2010

The Move via Twitter

In case you haven't caught our move to Arkansas on Facebook or Twitter, here's a quick update:

  1. Trying to find the way from our hotel to the condo. An adventure!
  2. Alyssa loves the sound of Nathan's voice. If she fusses in the car he talks to her and she totally calms down.
  3. Great time at dinner with new friends.
  4. Enjoyed The Summit Church in Little Rock.
  5. At our hotel in Little Rock!
  6. Only 2 1/2 more hours to Little Rock!
  7. Arkansas !
  8. Thinking of all my friends at Mt. Hermon Christian Writer's Conference!
  9. @alexinksit I miss everyone at Mt. Hermon! Sigh. I'll be in Little Rock tonight! Alyssa loves sleeping in the U-Haul :)
  10. Kansas City!
  11. Missouri! The states are coming faster. Yahoo!
  12. John told me we won't unpack my books in the rental--we'll wait until we move into our new house in a few months. My heart started racing.
  13. What new mom has 17 hrs a day to sit and stare at her new, sweet baby? Me!
  14. Driving through Nebraska where the Home to Heather Creek novels I wrote are set :)
  15. Passing through Omaha Nebraska!
  16. Iowa is cold. When U-Haul is stopped I've become pro at changing Alyssa's diapers on my lap.
  17. I've found some cute town names that would make great Love Finds You books. Just drove through Violin. :)
  18. Just opened a stack of notes & cards from our friends in Montana ... and sharing memories about each amazing family.
  19. You know you're in South Dakota when there's a tractor going across the overpass.
  20. If I had time I'd stop and check out the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD.
  21. Driving through South Dakota makes me want to write a wagon train book to experience what that was like. I can't imagine.
  22. On the road again!
  23. We stopped in Murdo, SD. :)
  24. I'm so sad Wall Drug is closed. Been seeing the billboards for hours. :)
  25. Alyssa is the most content baby ever!
  26. South Dakota!!
  27. Just passed Crazy Woman Creek Road. I wonder how well real estate does on it. I would buy a house there. Then again don't see no houses.
  28. Deer and antelope are roaming ... but we're not close to our new home yet.
  29. I can't write on my computer. The U-Haul is too bumpy.
  30. Wyoming!
  31. Still in Montana. Very thankful we're not doing this by wagontrain.
  32. Eastern Montana is bigger than most European countries & looks as if it's been neither discovered nor settled.
  33. Montana is a big state. Still driving through it.
  34. There is snow on the hills through these Montana mountain passes.
  35. Leslie said Grandma's snoring sounded like a dog being eaten by a polar bear. Katie said it was worse than that.
  36. On the road again! Alyssa is such a good traveler!
  37. I'm scheming on how to get my whole small group to Little Rock. I mean I'm praying :)
  38. Thank you to all my dear friends who helped this week. We love you & miss you!
  39. My crew & I are meeting my friend Joanna Weaver for dinner. :)
  40. When we go over big bumps Alyssa smiles ...



Saturday, March 27, 2010

Advice for Teens: Life Script 101

What Script Are YOU Writing For Your life?

When I say “script” I’m not talking about career goals or college plans. I’m not talking about current class schedules or finding the unique purpose for your future. While all of those are important, there are other parts of our life we need to script, too, such as:

• Dealing with peer pressure from both guys and
friends.
• The search for popularity. How to find it. Or live without. Or be happy in between.
• Relationships with parents. No matter how out of touch with reality they seem to be.
• And living for God without turning your back on the world

When I was a teen I lived from day to day on every wave of emotion I experienced. On some days excitement and passion partnered up, pattering wildly within my heart. Other days, depression and anxiety were my silent friends. I lived each day as it came, with no plan for my future, for my relationships, or for my heart. I lived my life completely unscripted . . . and, well, it didn't go so well for me.

After my boyfriend found out I was pregnant (again) he dumped me for good, and I dropped out of my senior year of high school. (It was too hard going to school—seeing him with someone else, and dealing with my own issues/mistakes/emotions too.) I decided to have my baby, especially since I was dealing with the heartache and regret of a previous abortion. And as my stomach grew, I became more and more depressed. Unlike some mistakes, an unplanned pregnancy is not one you hide very easily. Each day I walked around with the evidence sticking out before me like a basketball under my shirt.

During that painful time, I decided to give God another chance. I’d grown up in church, but during my teen years, decided I wanted to do my own thing. And when “my own thing” left me sad and alone, my grandma’s Bible study group invited me to join them. These sweet old ladies also welcomed me to church and threw me a baby shower (while my teen friends dropped out of the picture). These women showed me what the love of God is all about.

And it was during one of my depressing days, when I was six-months pregnant and feeling abandoned by both my boyfriend and friends, I gave my heart to the Lord. I told Him, “God, I’ve completely screwed up my life this time. If You can do better, please do so.” It wasn’t a fancy prayer, but it worked.


© Tricia Goyer

How about you? What Script are you writing?


Thursday, March 25, 2010
Join me for Living Inspired this week where we'll chat with guest, Liz Curis Higgs. I'm super excited about this weeks' topic -- mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. My son just got engaged last month. Sigh... We love the match our son has made. So in the midst of adopting our little Alyssa and moving to Arkansas, we're also making plans for a July wedding. Exciting times.

You may have heard Liz Curis Higgs' name if you've ever read her best-selling series of Bad Girls of the Bible. Liz breathes new life into ancient tales about the most infamous—and intriguing—women in scriptural history, from Jezebel to Mary Magdalene. Biblically sound and cutting-edge fresh, these popular titles have helped more than one million women around the world experience God's grace anew.

A veteran speaker, Liz has presented more than 1,600 encouraging programs for audiences in all 50 states and 11 foreign countries. In 1995, she received the Council of Peers Award for Excellence from the National Speakers Association, becoming one of only 32 women in the world named to their CPAE-Speaker Hall of Fame.

Please join me on Thursday as Liz shares what she's learned about being a mother-in-law. We'll also hear about the latest book(s) from this prolific and wonderful writer, including Here Burns My Candle, a historical novel set in Europe, September 1745.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Advice for young writers ... from a young writer!


Hey, everyone! I’m Alexa Schnee, a writing student of Mrs. Goyer’s who recently acquired a book deal with Guideposts. Mrs. Goyer asked me to share some of my thoughts on writing and how young writers can get a start on writing their own book.

When did I know that you wanted to be a writer? I think a lot of us just seem to know it’s what we want to do. I would write stories as a kid, print them out, and staple them together. They were nothing special, but it inspired me to keep writing and try harder.

It was only when Mrs. Goyer offered to help our writing class land a book deal that I really started taking writing seriously. I sat down and finished my first book, Shakespeare’s Lady. I was so proud that I was able to accomplish something as special as finishing it and I believe everyone who wants to be a writer can write a book, too! Here are just a few tips that I thought helpful when I started writing.

*Think of what you are passionate about.
Do you love animals? Or what about mysteries? Maybe you can’t get enough of World War II like Mrs. Goyer. I love Elizabethan times, so it was much more fun for me to write about Shakespeare than something I might not have liked as much. Write what you love and your readers will love it, as well.

*Pick out some really good music.
You would be surprised at how motivating music can be. I have a playlist on my iPod to play in the background when I’m writing. If you’re writing historical fiction, you can even pick music from that time period to help you get in the mood.

*Set aside some time.
You can’t write a book in a day. It can be hard to set aside time with school, your job, friends, and more, but crafting a good story does take some time. I write when I get home from school and on the weekends. Breaks from school are also a really good time to dig in and get some work done.

*Have fun.
Writing is fun and if you are reading this, you probably know that! Sometimes it’s easy to get bogged down with all that goes with it, but remember, the whole point is for you to enjoy what you are doing. It is hard, but imagine how accomplished you will feel when you write your last word!

Also, congratulations to the Goyer family! Welcome, Baby Alyssa!

~~~

More About Alexa:
My current website is here. You can also contact me through email, Facebook, my blog, and Twitter. I'd be happy to answer any questions about publishing, my book, or anything that comes to mind.

Alexa Schnee has always wanted to be a writer. She is the youngest recipient ever of the Mount Hermon "Most Promising Writer" Award. She loves the smell of the bookstore, because nothing in the world smells exactly like it. She enjoys spending time with her family, including her parents and her sister and brother. She also likes shopping, playing the piano and guitar, and traveling. She listens to Indie music and drinks way too much coffee. She will never, ever like math and she will always love dancing in the Montana rain.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's about commitment.

I get weepy every time I read the anniversary announcements in our community newspaper. You know the kind: Muriel and Melvin James married sixty years invite you to join them in their celebration of marriage.

I also love reading romantic stories from the post-WWII era. Stories of men and women who met after the war, were married three weeks later, and still light up when the other person walks into the room—even after all these years.

Today we would think a person is crazy to marry after only knowing someone for three weeks. Personally I think the difference is not the length of engagement, but the depth of commitment. If you talk to these long-married couples (as I have through interviewing veterans for my WWII novels), you discover they faced many of the same situations that break up couples today: financial problems, disagreements, incompatibility, challenges of raising a family and, yes, just plain unhappiness. Yet their commitment continued. Through the ins and outs, divorce wasn’t an option. In their minds, there was no easy way out. Instead of running away, they pushed through.

Have you asked for advice from seasoned married couples about commitment?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage


Thursday, March 18, 2010

TODAY on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer: Mary Ostyn

Tune in today at 3:00 pm CST on Living Inspired as I interview Mary about two of my favorite topics: adoption and food!

I love what Mary has to say about herself on her blog:

My name is Mary Ostyn. I’ve been married for 23 years to the guy I met in math class at age 17. We have kids in college, high school, junior high, grade school, and preschool, 10 altogether. Six girls. Four boys. Six of our children arrived via adoption, 2 from Korea and 4 from Ethiopia. Our oldest daughter just got married. Our second is in college. Our ‘baby’ is 5.

I homeschool. I kiss owies. I eat chocolate. I garden. I cook. I watch our budget. I take pictures obsessively. And I write.

My 200-recipe cookbook/ shopping guide Family Feasts for $75 a Week came out in September, 2009, and is available at amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Borders, CBD, and Costco. I also wrote A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family which came out in March, 2009 and is available at Amazon.




Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Confessions from a Generation-X Mommy


I stare at the email on the screen. It’s from an old, high-school friend. “Our ten-year reunion is just around the corner. Tell me about your kids . . . your life . . . and ideas for our get-together.” My fingers click on the keys as I type in my reply; “My kids are my life, seriously! Cory is in the 4th grade and loves chess and Legos. Leslie is my dramatic, little actress. Nathan, my baby, is four.” I stop typing and recall what I had heard about my fellow classmates: Julie is the manager of a large company. Ann a nurse. Veronica an electrical engineer. I do a little work at home, but how does typing on a peanut-butter-stained keyboard compare? Before I know what’s happening, “what-ifs” play through my mind. Lunch with coworkers . . . a closet full of designer clothes . . . business trips to exotic locations . . . Had I made the right choice?

I shake the thoughts of an exciting career from my head and scold myself. I didn’t get on opportunity to go off to college, but this was God’s choice for me . . . right?

I can’t deny having three children by twenty-two years of age wasn’t my childhood dream. Colic replaced college, pampering replaced partying, and Spring Break is now spent spring-cleaning. And unlike most of my twenty-something comrades (many of whom were still single) when I celebrated my twenty-fifth birthday, three small faces helped me blow out the candles.
Some days I wonder if I’m going to spend my whole life picking Cheerios from the carpet and playing Simon Says. Oh no, I remind myself, my life is filled with much more than that. For example there’s the storybook, A Day at the Zoo, that I read over and over . . . and my life’s crowning achievement, finding 101 ways to serve macaroni and cheese.

But isn’t that what motherhood’s about? Don’t all mothers face the same struggles? When I think about it, there really is no difference between other moms with school-aged kids and me . . . except about ten years.

Not that being a Generation-X mom doesn’t have its advantages, I think. I lean back in my computer chair and remember that just last week at Cory’s soccer game, I was mistaken for his sister—not that I minded, of course! I also think of the gathering a few years ago when my daughter let it slip that I was only 24. A friend raised his eyebrows and eyed my offspring. I could see his mind calculating a million-miles-a-minute. A soft “Hmmm” escaped his lips. I didn’t know whether to be horrified that he assumed I was older or pleased that he considered me “mature” for my age.

While the email still flashes on the computer screen, I grab a pencil and paper from my desk drawer and consider the benefits of having kids at such a young age. I list a few: 1) I’ll be thirty-nine when my youngest graduates from high school. 2) When my daughter is a teenager, she won’t be able to look in my closet and say that I have “old-fogies clothes.” And 3) If any of my children ever comment that I’m over-the-hill, I can retort, “Well, you’re not far behind!”
This makes me feel a little better. I decide to list some of my kids’ benefits too, 1) When I help Cory with his schoolwork I still remember how to do long division. 2) I adore the Sears Christmas catalog. 3) And, something really cool, my children have grandparents and great-grandparents. What a deal!

Perhaps in our house the generation gap is more like a generation hop-skip-and-a-jump, but I experience the same joy as mothers who actually get the “over thirty” car insurance discount. I too have a love/hate relationship with McDonald's, and look forward to the thirty minutes of peace every day when Blues Clues comes on. I suppose what really matters is not the age of the mother; it’s the appreciation for the young lives we’re entrusted with.

“Dear Janie,” I write back to my friend. “I’d love to help with the reunion. I can give great insight into the ‘Family Day’ preparations. As for my life . . . it’s sometimes fun and sometimes frantic, my to-do list has more words than War and Peace, and I’m still sitting around in my p.j.’s while other ‘adults’ have left for work, but I wouldn’t have it any other way . . .”

I pause as I type those last words, letting them sink it. I realize they are truth. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And although this isn’t how I imagined life in my twenties, my dreams are not forgotten. I have three little dreams running around the house, trailing toys behind them. Big dreams tucked away in little bodies. I have Cory, Leslie, and Nathan . . . my choice. The right choice for me.


Monday, March 15, 2010

Songbird Under a German Moon


In stores NOW! I loved writing this story and now I'm thrilled to be sharing it with you. Songbird Under a German Moon is available in your local bookstore, Wal-Mart and everywhere you shop on-line! You can also pick up a copy at my website! Oh, and while you're there, be sure to enter the What Era? contest I'm running during the blog tour (March 19th through April 2nd) for Songbird Under a German Moon.

To enter the What Era? contest leave a comment on this post or send an email through my website connect page and answer this question: What era in history do you wish you'd lived in and why? You could win one of three signed copies of Songbird Under a German Moon!

You can also earn extra entries by signing up for my quarterly newsletter here, become a Fan on Facebook, or tweet about the contest on Twitter (use hashtag #songbird)

The idea for Songbird was born when an editor at Summerside asked if I'd be interested in writing a retro, historical novel. The first idea that popped into my mind was a story I've been wanting to write for a while about USO singers. Ever since I started researching WWII I wanted to write about the entertainers who risked their lives to bring a little joy to the soldiers. I knew I wanted it to be in Germany after the end of the war.

Here's the synopsis: The year is 1945. The war is over and 21-year-old Betty Lake has been invited to Europe to sing in a USO tour for American soldiers who now occupy Hitler's Germany. The first nights performance is a hit. Betty becomes enthralled with the applause, the former Nazi-held mansion they’re housed in and the attention of Frank Witt, the US Army Signal Corp Photographer. Yet the next night this songbird is ready to fly the coop when Betty’s dear friend, Kat, turns up missing.

Betty soon realizes Franks photographs could be the key to finding Kat. Betty and Frank team up against post-war Nazi influences and the two lovebirds’ hearts may find the answers...in each other.

But will they have a chance for their romance to sing? The truth will be revealed under a German moon.

And be sure to download the discussion guide and read an excerpt here!




Friday, March 12, 2010

Maintaining a marriage is hard work.

Two years after Rick Astley (one of my 80’s favs!) released Together Forever, John and I married. And it was then I promised, “until death do we part.” Of course, those were easy words to say as I stood there in my white dress with ruffled train and the flash of cameras brightened John’s smile even more (zing*) . . . but living out the ideal has challenged me more than I ever imagined.

While I wanted to believe (like Rick Astley sang) it was “something to last for all time.” As the years go by I’ve had to move beyond all my romantic notions concerning marriage, and I’ve had to work hard to make it last.

Like anything I’ve really wanted to succeed at, such as getting good grades in college, becoming a published author, or raising godly kids, I’ve had to put in the time to train myself to be successful. Hard work doesn’t sound romantic, but neither does going through a divorce, or trying to split our assets, or sharing the kids 50/50.

Jim Burns, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage, compares the work that goes into a healthy marriage as similar to training for a marathon.

“If we want to have a healthy relationship, we have to put in the training and do what it takes to make it work. Despite the way Hollywood depicts intimacy, good things don’t just “happen”; proper training is vital to accomplishing any goal. Contentment is a result of our proper training! Just like running a marathon, an intimate marriage takes an investment of time, energy, focus, and sometimes the help and coaching of others. It may mean something as simple as setting up daily routines that you know in the long run will produce more intimacy in the relationship. Sure there are sacrifices to make, but the result of intimacy and contentment make the effort worthwhile.”

Jim Burns, Creating an Intimate Marriage (Minneapolis, Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers, 2006), p. 51.



What are some ways that you maintain and prioritize a healthy relationship with your spouse?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Today on Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer:


Join me for Living Inspired as I chat with my friend and fabulous author, Kathi Macias. Kathi has some amazing stories she'll be sharing with us as well as giving away a copy of two of her books, Beyond Me and How Can I Run a Tight Ship when I’m Surrounded by Loose Cannons. Leave a comment at Kathi's segment post here with your email to be entered to win!

bmts

For more about both of these book and Kathi's new fiction series, Extreme Devotion, check out her book page!

One of the fascinating stories Kathi will be talking about is her experience of working with Mark, a homosexual activist who died from AIDS, claimed to be an atheist and hated Christians, and whom she had the privilege of leading to Christ! Don't miss this episode of Living Inspired!

About Kathi: Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer and KMradio-show host who has authored 30 books and ghostwritten several others. A former newspaper columnist and string reporter, Kathi has taught creative and business writing in various venues and has been a guest on many radio and television programs. Kathi is a popular speaker at churches, women’s clubs and retreats, and writers’ conferences, and recently won the prestigious 2008 member of the year award from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) at the annual Golden Scrolls award banquet. Two of her books, Beyond Me: Living a You-First Life in a Me-First World and My Son, John, have taken the number-one spots for best book of 2008 and 2009, respectively, by The Book Connection. Kathi “Easy Writer” Macias lives in Homeland, CA, with her husband, Al, where the two of them spend their free time riding their Harley. For more about Kathi visit her www.kathimacias.com




Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Guest Blogger ... Ben Whiting!

How to Grow a Character from the Branches Down

A tree makes a pretty simple character metaphor. You have roots, a base, and branches. The roots are like a character’s past, all of the things that have happened before your story starts. The base is the product of those roots—its strengths and weaknesses are derived from them. Finally, the branches of what a character will do during the story have to be grounded to the base. Everything is connected, cohesive.

The Seed and the Soil
However, a tree grows the same way every time. The seed lands in the ground, roots are sent down, a stalk is sent up, and the two grow outward together from there.

If you just want to jump into your story and let things develop as you go, this is pretty much the model that your characters will follow. You’ll flesh out who the character is in the present with the beginning of your story. Then, as you progress, the character will make decisions and you will unearth roots in the past that correspond to current action.

A word of caution here: if you don’t at least peruse your character’s history as you go along you’re likely to end up with a top-heavy character who will collapse under the weight of her unsupported (read: unmotivated) actions.

Doing Things Differently
But you have many more options than just that one. For example, if you hate outlines but still want to know who your characters are, you would probably want to grow from the roots up. You would dig through the soil of your character’s past until you know who she is on page one. From there you’re ready to explore the skies, letting the wind and the sun shape the journey.

If you know how you want your story to end, you can start the character from there, hanging a branch or two in midair. You could work back from that point, work from both ends toward the middle, or employ a hybrid. For instance, use the seed method with those branches in mind, or go all the way back to the roots and work up from there.

Make Sure Everything Connects
Any of these approaches can work, along with other slight variations I didn’t even mention. The tricky thing is your connections—from one branch to another, from roots to base, and so on. Everything needs to tie together in the end, so if you start with elements that are apart you’ll need to take extra care in bringing them together. Once you hang a branch it limits the possibilities for the branches immediately above and below it.

Freedom abounds in character creation. Pick the model that suits your style and run with it. Dig roots, thicken the truck, and stretch toward the sky. Just remember to provide support for each branch by the end of the story—if you don’t, somebody’s going to get hit in the head.

~o~

Ben Whiting
is a full-time English student at the University of Texas at Arlington and co-general editor of the 10th anniversary edition of Marine Creek Reflections. He recently completed his suspense novel, Penumbra.


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Taking care of the real you.

I was about three years into my marriage when I got a book called Total Woman. It was an older book, but it talked about how to treat your husband so he would ADORE you. The author claimed by the end of the first week you’ll get flowers. It sounded like something I wanted to try!

Now, I have to tell you that I haven’t read this book in at least five years, but these are some of the things I internalized after reading it.

1. Make a list of priorities and do the most important first—bringing order to your day.
2. Meet your husband at the door after work looking good, smelling good, with a smile and dinner cooking.
3. Never talk negatively about your husband to others. Or to him.
4. Give your husband a 20-second kiss as he heads to work, giving him thoughts of you throughout the day.
5. Have sex daily (or as close to it as you can achieve).
6. Compliment your husband. Cheer him on. Affirm him with your words.


Sounds great, right? And it was. John loved it. I was the best wife ever, and we had the perfect marriage. Or at least it looked that way. At least John thought so.

And most of the time I did great. I was able to balance everything reasonably well. I sent my husband off with a kiss and a wave. I made dinner and kept the house clean. I balanced writing and volunteer responsibilities. And I did enjoy the intimate times with my husband.

This system worked extremely well for a people-pleaser. It also worked extremely well for someone who despised confrontation and conflict. And for someone who didn’t really like sharing her feelings anyway. Until I crashed.

Looking back, I suppose I shouldn’t be, but I was shocked by how needy I was and how quickly my emotions got entangled when through email contact from an old boyfriend, a voice from the past, (talked about in my book Generation NeXt Marriage) I heard things like:

1. You are wonderful.
2. You are still beautiful.
3. You’ve told me all about your family, what do you do for you?
4. When do you have fun?
5. When do you relax?
6. Remember the fun we used to have?


It’s not that my husband wasn’t telling me how wonderful and beautiful I was—he did on a regular basis. It’s just that for some reason those additional comments hit trigger points of needs I didn’t realize I had.

Sure things bothered me about my marriage, but I stuffed them.

Sure I wished I had time for coffee with a friend or a manicure, but there were people to take care of.

Sure I wanted to relax . . . but there were people to help—a family, church, and community to serve—work to be done.

Looking back, if I hadn’t had such a solid relationship with God, I know I could have wandered down a dangerous path. Because in addition to emotional ties from the past, there was validation to emotions I didn’t realize I had.

Since then, I’ve realized the importance of caring for self. For taking time to breathe. For caring for my body. For sharing my true feelings. For understanding that happiness doesn’t mean plastering on a smile and pushing through when you’re tired and cranky, overwhelmed and needy inside.

Looking back I also saw additional unhealthy habits that I’d turn to in search of small glimpses of satisfaction through the day . . . namely food. Especially anything with sugar. Or chocolate.

I saw how I took on more responsibilities and cut out my needs in order to fill them. These are behaviors that don’t work for me anymore. They never worked. And while I haven’t given up on caring for my family, writing and volunteering, I take a realistic of just how much I could/should do without burning myself out. I also share my struggles, joys, fears and hopes with John. I’m trying to be real. I’m also trying to take care of the real me, in the process.

How do you take care of you?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage


Friday, March 05, 2010

Podcasts from Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer:

Just a quick note of thanks to everyone who's been listening to Living Inspired. This is a first time experience for me - I mean I've been on plenty of radio interviews, but it's my first foray into having my own show. I've loved meeting new people and hearing from callers! So ... THANKS for making the show a success!

If you've missed any of these first segments, you can download them on iTunes.

Or you can listen by clicking the links below:

Thursday 4th of March 2010
Living Inspired: Talking Adoption with Stefne Miller 03-04-2010
Join me this week as I chat with my guest, Stefne Miller, about adoption! I love that my husband and I are in the middle of an adoption and God has worked out the timing of Stefne's segment! Cool!

Friday 26th of February 2010
Living Inspired: Growing up with Alcoholism Kendra Smiley 02-26-2010
Join me this week as Kendra and I chat about Kendra's difficult childhood and what it was like for her growing up with an alcoholic father. Kendra will share with us the story behind her books and life. A life, that by God's grace, has been used to impact the lives of many. Live Intentionally! That phrase describes Kendra Smiley’s life and the message she brings to her audiences. Kendra challenges and encourages her listeners to become aware of the many choices in life and to make the next right choice. She has a unique, humorous approach that appeals to listeners of all ages.

Thursday 18th of February 2010
Living Inspired: Talking about Surviving the Death of A Spouse with Heidi McLaughlin 02-18-2010
Join us as we chat about overcoming adversity and the tough stuff by allowing God to work in the middle of our mess. Heidi knows first hand how life can break our hearts. After her husband died unexpectedly, God "transformed me from the inside out, and changed my illusion of finding happiness in this world, to delighting and finding joy in Him."

Thursday 11th of February 2010
Living Inspired: Staying Pure with Matthew & Shannon Stewart Ratliff 02-11-2010
Tune in Thursday at 3:00 pm CST as I interview Shannon Stewart Ratliff from America's Next Top Model and her husband Matthew. Shannon is best known for her appearance on ANTM's 2005 season. Stewart competed on the first season of America's Next Top Model.

Thursday 4th of February 2010
Living Inspired: Talking About Child Abuse with Kathy Collard Miller 02-04-2010
Tune in this week as I interview Kathy on the tough subject of child abuse. Hear Kathy talk about this tough subject with an insider's perspective. She is a former child abuser. Tall, slim, with flashing blue eyes, this pretty mother of two radiates warmth and compassion. With her trademark teaching, “The 1% Principle,” she inspires her audience to “excel still more” and never give up on God’s ability to create change.

Thursday 28th of January 2010
Living Inspired with Margaret McSweeney & Brittney Thomas 01-28-2010
My guest host and friend, Margaret McSweeney. Margaret hosts her own show on Fridays called Kitchen Chat. Margaret will be interviewing this week's guest, Brittney Thomas Brittney survived one of the nation’s first and deadliest school shootings, Brittney developed an untamed passion for social justice issues across the globe.

Thursday 21st of January 2010
Living Inspired: Working From Home with Mary Byers 01-21-2010
Join me today as I chat with Mary Byer's, author of The Mother Load, How To Say No ... and Live to Tell About It and Making Work at Home Work!

Thursday 14th of January 2010
Living Inspired: Chatting with Author Robin Jones Gunn 01-14-2010
Listen in as Tricia interviews celebrated and award winning author, Robin Jones Gunn. Hear how Robin achieved the dreams God placed on her heart, in His perfect time. Robin shares her love and joy from Nairobi, to Brazil, to Hawaii. You won't want to miss the encouragement and laughs from this humble, God-honoring woman.



Thursday, March 04, 2010

Married. Now What?


I remember doodling designs for my wedding dress on the brown-paper cover of my English book. Funny thing, though, somehow (I realize now) I forgot to daydream about what happened after I married my Prince Charming. I forgot a marriage followed. Maybe it wasn’t just me. Thinking back over my growing up years during the 70s and 80s, I remember Billy Idol’s “wedding song” and, oh, about 2,573 songs about love. (Addicted to Love/Robert Palmer, Crazy Little Thing Called Love/Queen, Groovy Kind of Love/Phil Collins . . . to name a few.) But I can’t think of one “romantic” song that talked about the day-in-and-day-out of marriage. Or commitment. Or forever “I do.”

Now that’s messed up.

Not too many years later, when high school rolled around, I didn’t think about “forever commitments” as I became sexually active as a teen. Or as I dumped “loser” boyfriends for better models. Or as I broke many hearts and found mine broken. In fact, I didn’t think much about marriage until after I was married in 1989, at age eighteen. I’d signed up for the “I do” after finding someone “safe.” Someone who loved me and my son. Someone who had a relationship with the God I was just starting to know.

I fell in love with my new beau, and John was great. I had a grand time planning the wedding . . . and then I woke up one day with this guy sleeping beside me with questions of, “What now?”

As someone raised by a mom and step-dad (who were contemplating divorce on my wedding day), I couldn’t think ahead to what the next year held for John and me, let alone the next fifty years. As a young bride, I wanted the best marriage possible, but I had no idea how to make that happen. And that, my friend, is an anxiety-filled, confusing place to live!
What about you? Did you have one of those What Now? Moments after you married?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage


Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Marriage + Children

Children, whether through pregnancy, adoption, or marriage are a welcome addition to our families. Yet their presence affects every part of married life. Just when we’ve found balance, kids throw us off kilter. In a child-centered world one of the most important things to focus on is God and each other . . . even with the little ones wrapped around our knees.

Of course, when John and I got married, Cory was nine-months-old, and we had a ready-made family. Two more kids in the next three years added to the fun.

Needless to say, when John and I got married we all had some adjusting to do. For example, Cory liked to sleep with mom. He didn’t like the idea another guy would take his place. On nights when Cory found his way into our bed, he’d turn sideways and kick against John with all his might. And who said babies were innocent?

This wasn’t our biggest struggle, though. Instead it was my belief that I knew best when it came to raising kids. After all, I was a stay-at-home mom and around the kids all day. How dare John come home from work and have his own ideas of how things should run? Let’s just say it caused more than one moment of conflict.

“No matter how many children God gives you, it’s important to operate jointly in parenting,” say Dennis and Barbara Rainey, authors of Staying Close. “Again and again, I see families where the woman is expected to raise the kids. Contrary to male expectations, women are not made physically, emotionally, or spiritually to rear children by themselves”.

Over time, and after a lot of frustration, I figured out three things. 1) John sometimes knew what he was talking about. 2) I benefited from listening to his ideas. 3) The kids benefited from having a close relationship with their dad. He was firm, but loving. And he was fun.

Oh yes, and by raising our kids together, instead of trying to balance marriage and solo parenting, my life became easier in all aspects. Hmmmm . . . maybe that’s why God designed children to be raised by both a mother and father?

“Marriage is a purposeful relationship. All research indicates that an intimate marriage provides the safest and most productive climate for raising children,” says Gary Chapman, author of The Four Seasons of Marriage.

When two people work together two things occur: a plan and a purpose. The more time parents spend talking about issues, taking parenting classes, and providing a united front, the more purposeful their parenting. They decide on a plan and help each other to fulfill it.

Do you have children? How has that challenged your marriage? How has it drawn you and your spouse closer together?

© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage


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