Teen MOPS: A Second Chance

One Young Mom’s Love/Hate Relationship With Teen MOPS

Mari was just sixteen when she found out she was pregnant. Her missed period was her first clue, and the pregnancy test at the Family Planning office confirmed it. “It didn’t feel real until I was six months pregnant,” Mari says. “And my boyfriend didn’t know what to think. He was surprised, but went along with it—and has continued to be supportive.”

Mari’s parents took the news well, although it took a “long, long while” for her dad to get used to the idea.

“I continued attending school, and the hardest thing was losing friends who didn’t want to associate with me anymore,” says Mari. “I also felt alone and different than everyone else. So I just focused on my schoolwork and did the best I could.”

Yet, there were a few at school who offered support, including one girl, Kayleigh, who bugged Mari about attending a group called Teen MOPS—whatever that was.

Mari didn’t know what to expect when she attend the first meeting. She was six months pregnant and wasn’t sure what her friend was so excited about.

“I went to the first meeting, and I hated it,” Mari says with a laugh. “I didn’t know anyone and Kayleigh ignored me—instead hanging out with her Teen MOPS friends. But when my son Haven was born I decided to give it another try. And I guess you can say I really love it now, because I’ve attended every meeting I’ve could for the past two years.”

The one thing Mari liked most about the group—the second time—was the caring attitude of the leaders. “One of them gave a devotion, and I thought, ‘She really knows what I’m going through.’” After that, Mari was put on the Teen MOPS mailing list, and the speakers, life skills, and crafts sparked her interest. And while those things were helpful, Mari continued to find the most encouragement from the women she met there.

“I love the fact that the leaders are so devoted. They’re always there, always coming up with ways to help us. And even if they weren’t teen moms themselves, I’ve learned we’ve all gone through hard times but God can make a difference.”

Because of their example has also grown in her relationship with God. “I’ve gotten to know God better . . . way better. I’ve even started attending a Beth Moore Bible Study, which I just love. Now, when I read my Bible I can feel God actually speaking to me.”

Mari continues to have big plans for her future, and she hopes to become a doctor in emergency medicine. She’s taking small steps and will begin EMT classes in the fall.

Mari’s future goals also include supporting other young women who find themselves pregnant.
“Looking back, I appreciate how much support I received, and I realize not everyone has that. I’d love to be given the change to help others, just as I was helped. It makes everything so much easier when you have someone to talk to and someone who understands.”

Teen MOPS has made a difference in Mari’s life, and she spreads the word where and when she can . . . including a hand-painting a Teen MOPS advertisement on the back window of her car!
And now, as her son nears two-years-old, the only thing Mari hates about Teen MOPS is missing a meeting.

“I’m so glad I gave Teen MOPS a second chance," Mari says. "Because they’ve introduced me to leaders, and to a God, who does the same.”

Meet My Friend Cindy!

She is a great writer who's latest YA book, Beautiful, released at the end of 2009. Great story!

Cindy and I go way back - as you'll see in this interview with her. To find out more about Cindy and her writing, please visit her website.

1. How did you get started writing?

It all began in childhood with summer boredom and living in the country with nothing to do (no cable TV, no computers, and not many friends nearby). I spent a lot of time reading, and when my cousin would come visit, we’d write stories. Then at age 12, I started my first novel. It was a groundbreaking story about a girl, very much like myself, who with her friends goes on an adventure looking for underwater treasure. To be honest, it was a bit of an Indiana Jones knock off. I loved those movies!

More serious writing pursuits began when I was 19 – I finally believe I knew what I should do with my life (writers get to live all kinds of careers through our characters). I wanted to be a writer, felt it could be my calling, but a lot of self-doubt plagued me for years. I dove right in anyway, starting with book ideas and writing plays and newsletters for my church. My first published work was one of those plays – I made $90 and was thrilled.

It took another nine years to get my first contract for a novel. I received a lot of rejection and kept developing my craft and going to writer’s conferences. It really helped to have writing friends (like you Tricia). I’m not sure where I’d be in my writing if my early friendship with you hadn’t taken place in the earliest stages of my writing pursuit. I’d been writing for about a year when I remember you saying, “I’m interested in writing too.” We spurred each other on. Tricia and I were partners in crime for years before our paths sort of took us different routes. But my writing start will always include hundreds of memories with Tricia Goyer. We’ll always be friends and sisters, and perhaps someday have more time to laugh together on new adventures.

2. Tell me about your first Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference ...

This great friend of mine and I arrived at Mt. Hermon with these varying degrees of giggles and serious writing pursuits (why that friend was you again, Tricia!). I remember how we were thrilled to see a real editor and how we carried our brochure around looking for people in the pictures. It’s hilarious to think about now, even though at times I feel just like that same girl – almost as if I’m secretly fooling everyone that I’m a real author and speaker. Inside, I think there’s a bit of Peter Pan in most all of us!

3. Where have you traveled for research? Any interesting travel stories?

I’ve traveled throughout Europe six times, across the country, and in the Philippines four times for the different novels I’ve worked on. A lot of my advance money went to travel for a while there. I love when I can go to the actual location of my settings. But travel stories…where do I begin? Tricia, you’ll remember the bird that laid the egg in our Vienna hotel, the puppet shop in Prague, the Metro in Paris, borders closed between the Czech Republic and Austria and finding the last ferryboat to take us across a clandestine route, singing aloud to Aerosmith on the road across Illinois and Michigan, dancing with WWII veterans or rather trying to as I stepped on Tony’s toes as he tried teaching me the Foxtrot. With other people: I hiked up a mountain on a rainy night with one of my best friends since 3rd grade to the cemetery in Austria to feel a bit of the fear my character had when she was kidnapped there. I’ve buried a treasure in Austria too. In the Philippines, I met my husband and the discoveries of a very different culture have given me just as many travel stories there too.

Travel stories, I have a lot! ☺

4. Finally, what's coming down the pipeline for Cindy Coloma?

I have another YA novel coming out in May called Caleb+Kate. The book is about believing in true love. Caleb has a high standard for falling in love, and Kate has given up believing in it. The story is inspired by Romeo and Juliet. I’m really excited about it. It’s my first every novel to focus primarily on love, so I’m excited to see how people like it. It has both the male and female POV. I have a teen guy reading an early draft and says he’s loving it (he just doesn’t want his identity revealed since it’s a chick book!). After that, more stories! I have an undersea series (returning to my childhood but in a new framework) and other exciting ideas that I can’t wait to develop. I have an unlimited supply in my head with new ones developing all the time.

Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer - TODAY!

I've got a guest host, my dear friend, Margaret McSweeney! She kindly agreed to fill in for me today as I join my husband on a business trip. (yeah for some much needed time together!) Margaret will be interviewing a special young lady, Brittney Thomas.

Let me introduce you to Brittney:
After surviving one of the nation’s first and deadliest school shootings, Brittney developed an untamed passion for social justice issues across the globe. It was in Cambodia while working in water purification and health education programs that Brittney was first exposed to the underground world of human trafficking. Upon returning to the states to continue her education, Brittney soon discovered that modern-day slavery was happening right in her own backyard…and from there the rest is history! Brittney received her Masters in Public Health, became a member of the Lexington, KY Human Trafficking Task Force and soon found herself as the state director for the “Not For Sale Campaign” (www.notforsalecampaign.org). Brittney has been a guest speaker at awareness events and educational seminars on issues regarding school violence and human trafficking. To learn more about Brittney visit her blog, Lopsided Halos!

Be sure to check out Margaret's show, Kitchen Chat, on Friday's at 11:00 am CST! Tomorrow her guest is the Fabulous Dawn Meehan of Because I Said So! Fun.


Listen in EVERY THURSDAY AT 3PM CST: http://toginet.com/shows/Livinginspired

Lord, what do you want me to write?

A few weeks ago, I shared a little about my journey to becoming a writer. The next few Wednesday - Writing posts will be more about 'what came next'.

In 1999, I was twenty-eight years old and had already published over one hundred articles for national publications. I’d also been contracted to work on two book projects for well-known publishers. Still, I felt far from successful. For five years I’d labored full-time on my own book projects with no luck. My agent didn't understand, "These are excellent proposals," she said. "I don't understand why they're not being snatched up."

I just have to try harder, write more, I thought. It didn’t help.

Around that time, I started going through the workbook "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby. I learned one phrase that kept going over in my mind. "Look to see what God was doing and join him." The premise is this: if you're doing something that doesn't work, put what you're doing aside and see what God was doing. I did that. And . . . I discovered God had different plans!

First, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. I invited him into our home. Between doctor’s appointments, hospice visits, taking care of my husband and three children, there was little time to pen prose. My grandfather passed away after only four months, but inside I was changed. It was as if my heart had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. My eyes were opened to pain, and I had a new appreciation for helping those in need.

Lord, what do you want me to write? I prayed.

A few months after my grandfather’s death, my pastor and two women in the church approached me about starting a Crisis Pregnancy Center. (There wasn’t one for hundreds of miles.) I didn't want to do it, but I told my pastor I'd pray about it.

The next morning I did pray. I told God. "Lord, I can't help with this center. I'm a writer and my articles are helping people around the country."

His response was, "Well, what about the people in your own community? What are you going to do to help them?" Ouch.

Obviously this was something God was doing, so I joined him.

Soon, I was using my writing and organizational skills to create community newsletters, and to write radio commercials and grants. In one year, we had a huge center (given to us for free rent), forty volunteers, and we were reaching hundreds of women. We even received a $13,000 grant to teach abstinence education in the schools! At night I often felt drained by the number of young women who needed assistance—who needed hope—yet, I also felt a renewed sense of satisfaction. Obviously God was at work. I was glad I’d joined him.

After that, I started getting new writing assignments. I started writing about pregnancy centers, forgiveness after abortion, and other related issues.

When our center was two years old, we hired a director who oversaw everything. I focused my time on working with the young moms. We had helped these young moms make a decision for life, now we needed to help them with their parenting. I started a support group for young moms called Teen MOPS. It’s part of the bigger MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) organization. While working with these young moms, I tried to find Christian resources just for them. I couldn’t find any! So I worked on a proposal, registered for the MOPS convention, and my agent set it up for me to meet with a few MOPS editors while I was there.

That first convention in 2002, I attended alone. I remember sitting among 3,500 women and saying, “One of these days I want to be on that stage talking about Teen MOPS.” In 2003, I had a contract for Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Teen Mom. I’d also brought six other women, three mentors and three teen moms with me, and I was invited to speak in front of those 3,500, telling them about support for teen moms!

Obviously God was at work. I’m just so glad I joined Him!

More to come on a later post!

Controlling the Emotional Roller Coaster

Thank goodness I've gotten off (well almost!).

I don’t want my kids growing up with the same insecurities and hang-ups I had. I want them to understand that it is possible to be mad or frustrated or overwhelmed and still control one’s feelings and actions. An angry flick on the arm isn’t okay, especially when my child is on the receiving end of my angst. It doesn’t matter how I was raised. It doesn’t even matter that my own parents’ mixed-up reactions made it hard for me to deal with my own.

Those things are in the past—I can’t change them. What I can change is my own actions and reactions. While it’s easy to recognize when we are letting our emotions have free rein, it’s harder to control them. I’m so glad that Jesus never asked me to handle everything—my habits, my reactions, and my weaknesses—on my own. Instead, Jesus tells me to depend on Him.

How have you learned to control your emotions? Where are you still struggling?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

photo credit

Real Life Q & A

Advice is like snow;
the softer it falls,
the longer it dwells upon,
and deeper it sinks into the mind.
–Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I don’t know about you, but I like reading advice columns. I especially like the ones in the morning paper that deal with everything from “handling a cranky mother-in-law” to “telling someone they have stinky feet.” Sometimes I don’t agree with the advice given, but most of the time I do.

Do you ever wish you had a direct line to an advice columnist? I have a problem . . . can you help . . .

My baby won’t sleep in her own bed.

My boyfriend gets jealous of my friends.

My parents want to rule my life.

Then, when you opened the next morning’s paper, the perfect answer would be there?

Thankfully, God has placed people all around us who can offer good advice. Sometimes the advice is given without us asking. (Okay, many times!) In other instances, we seek people out. The key is knowing who to listen to . . . and when. Below are tips to help you do just that!

A, B, C’s of Getting Good Advice

1. A-sk away: It’s okay to ask for advice. No one knows it all!

2. B-e proctive: Remember, what you do (or don’t do) is your responsibility. It’s up to you to take the initiative and to make good choices. And remember, not making a decision is actually a choice too.

3. C-onsider your options: God brings people into our lives to help. Look around and consider: Who has God brought into my life to help me find the answer to this problem?

4. D-ecide who could offer the best help: Seek out different people for your various life issues. There are educational counselors, financial counselors, family counselors, employment counselors, legal counselors, and others, who are experts at what they do. Ask around and you can usually find help for free.

5. E-liminate extremes. Here are two: 1) being too independent, or 2) expecting someone else to be your complete authority. The only Person we should follow 100% of the time is God.

6. F-ollow God’s Word. The Bible provides great counsel. Check out the book of Proverbs. It’s a collection of good advice. Also skim through the last quarter of the Bible to find more good ideas.

7. G-ive special attention to those in authority over you. This includes parents (if you still live at home), older adults, employers, and church or group leaders.

8. H-ope for success. One of the worst things we can do is let things slide instead of dealing with them. Put your hope in the fact that things can get better. Having this mindset will make all the difference in finding a successful solution.

9. I-nvite the input of several counselors for bigger decisions. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

10. J-udge whether your issue is a matter of right or wrong. Is it a moral decision or a personal preference? Always strive for “right.”

11. K-eep yourself from asking advice from only those who agree with you. Listen and weigh other opinions, especially ideas from others who have faced some of the same life experiences.

12. L-isten to your heart. Novelist Erica Jong says, “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.” Deep down do you already know the answer? Go with that.

13. M-ake sure you seek help from people who adequately know you and your situation. In most cases, it’s better to give more weight to the person who’s supported you for ten years, in comparison to someone you met last weekend.

14. N-ever rush into a decision you’re not comfortable with. Give yourself time to sift through all the advice and weigh your options.

15. O-pen your heart to God. God is the best counselor of all. He speaks through Scripture and through His Spirit’s inner voice. When it comes to seeking advice, go to God in prayer first.

16. P-ay attention. Does the person offering advice follow it herself? Does it work?

17. Q-uestion how your decision will effect your future. Ask youself, “Five years from now, how will I view this decision? What decision will I be most happy with at that time?”

18. R-equire mature advisors. Your kid brother or a crazy friend from high school might not be the best choices to turn to for help!

19. S-eek advice from someone you’d like to imitate. Baby birds learn to fly by imitating their mothers. We can choose whom to imitate—and if choose the right people, we will soar!

20. T-rust the advice of those who strive to follow God. Christians won’t always have all the right answers, but they often seek God who does.

21. U-se common sense. Don’t ask for advice when your common sense provides an adequate answer.

22. V-isualize the outcome. What are the pros of someone’s answer? What are the cons?

23. W-eigh your motives. What’s the deeper issue?

24. X-pect that not everyone who gives you advice will agree. Different people have different opinions. It’s up to you to choose the best one.

25. Y-ield to “good enough.” You may not find the perfect solution right away, but work on a solution that’s “good enough” while you continue to search.

26. Z-zzzzz Zzzzz. Sleep on it. Your problems always seem bigger and more overwhelming when you’re tired. A good night’s sleep does a world of wonders!

No less a mom ...

It’s a joy to see my kids trusting that God gave them dreams so they could make a difference, and believing that hard work will pay off—whether it is taking college classes or going on missions trips. Like me, they are discovering that God is big enough to complete what we can’t possibly achieve on our own.

My kids didn’t raise themselves. Not even close. I’ve been there for them—as a teacher, as a bus driver, as a cook, and as a listener. And when I’m not running around with them, attending their games or heading out on a bike ride with them, they know where to find me. You see, the kingdom of God is in my 12x12 office, where everyone congregates. Jesus finds pleasure here.

He’s also with me when I leave my office and venture into my day, whether it’s in my noodles (made with love) or my novels (made with love). To my kids I’m Mom, whether I’m cook Mom or writer Mom or teacher Mom or taxi Mom. And doing things other than parenting doesn’t make me any less of a mom. It took me awhile to figure that out. It also took me awhile to figure out that God’s help isn’t limited to one area or another. He’s faithful to pour His love through me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How does God pour His love through you?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

photo credit

Helping Your Kids Survive the Ups and Downs of Life

A great resource!

When Your Child is Hurting
Helping Your Kids Survive the Ups and Downs of Life
By: Glynnis Whitwer

ABOUT THE BOOK:
Author, editor, and speaker Glynnis Whitwer identifies many of the inevitable hurts children experience—harsh reprimands from coaches or teachers, uncaring remarks from family members or friends, troubling misunderstandings between siblings—and gives parents practical, effective advice to handle these painful situations. She also gently helps readers identify their own personal fears, painful memories, and angry reactions and understand how those emotions cloud their judgment and interfere with effective assistance.
Warm, encouraging, and filled with heartfelt inspiration, each chapter includes
• Life stories of how other parents successfully dealt with similar issues
• Scripture memory verses for children and parents
• Study and discussion questions for groups, parents and their children, or personal devotions

As parents realize they can’t protect their children in all circumstances, they can gain confidence knowing they’ve taught their children to respond to life’s everyday hurts in a healthy and loving way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Glynnis Whitwer is on staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries, a speaker at special events and women’s retreats across the country, and the author of work@home: A Practical Guide for Women Who Want to Work from Home. She and her husband, Tod, both work from their home in Arizona where they raise their five children. Visit Glynnis' website for more information.

A Unified Front

REAL LOVE

I will give them singleness of heart and action, so hat they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.
Jeremiah 32:39-40

I love my kids. I treat them with respect. I pray for them. I encourage them. I sacrifice my time, dreams, and goals for them. And I discipline them.

For years I had a hard time relating discipline to love. When I disciplined my kids I felt like a big, bad bully rather than a loving, caring mother…until I understood God’s view of it. In the book of Jeremiah, God shares how He shows love to His People: He makes an everlasting covenant, He never stops doing good, and He inspires us to fear Him so that we won’t turn away. And today God still wants us to fear Him so we don’t turn away. Yet it seems this very idea of fear is something many Christians struggle with.

Yet, having a holy fear of God keeps us on the right track. Likewise, the loving thing to do is to teach our children this fear by giving them consequences for wrong actions. Without consequences our kids will not have an understanding of sin and if they don’t understand sin, they will have no need for salvation from God. If we ignore their offenses, they will assume God will to.

Knowing this, my husband and I have worked hard to develop a system for effective discipline in our home. A few things we insist on are:
1. First time obedience. No dawdling, no arguing, just obeying.
2. Firm consequences for disobedience. Make your children aware of consequences through consistently following through.
3. Presenting a unified front. Stand by each other’s decisions even if you don’t agree 100%.

Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer - TODAY!

Join me today as I chat with Mary Byer's, author of The Mother Load and How To Say No ... and Live to Tell About It!

Mary Byers is a national speaker who is dedicated to helping people live and work more fully. An award-winning communicator and member of the National Speakers Association, Byers has been speaking professionally since 1988. She currently consults with, and speaks to, a wide variety of associations, corporations, civic groups, women’s groups and social service agencies.

A professional writer for 20 years, Byers is the author of The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family, How to Say No and Live to Tell About It and Extraordinary Women.

She has also written for several publications, including Entrepreneur, Association Management, and the Fort Wayne News Sentinel. In addition, she is currently a columnist for two professional trade publications and managing editor for a quarterly journal.

Byers is a frequent media guest, discussing women’s topics on national radio and television programs produced by the Total Living Network , Crossroads Christian Communications, LeSea Broadcasting, North American Mission Board, Moody Broadcasting, and Trinity TV. She has been quoted in Women’s Day, Parents, and Organic Style magazines and featured in the State Journal-Register, The Pantagraph and The Janesville Gazette.

Byers graduated from Indiana University with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Telecommunications. She is a Certified Association Executive and a member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers.

Byers and her husband, Stuart, reside in Illinois with their two youngest children.


Listen in EVERY THURSDAY AT 3PM CST: http://toginet.com/shows/Livinginspired

Guest Blogger ... Ben Whiting!

Don't Think

”Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't 'try' to do things. You simply 'must' do things.” ~ Ray Bradbury

I played basketball in high school. I loved the sport, and I still play when I get the chance, though my opportunities and successes have grown less frequent as I've gotten older.

I used to practice every day, taking hundreds of shots so that I could be ready when game time came. During those hours I would do exercises to keep the different moving parts of my shooting form in line—striving after the mythical “perfect practice” that made perfect.

When I missed shots, I found that concentrating on the particular fault that caused my muscles to tighten and my eyes to wander. I developed a bad habit of watching the flight of the ball to see if the backspin was right, rather than keeping my focus on the target—a habit that I still find myself falling into at times.

So I developed a simple strategy. When I'm shooting, just shoot.

The defensive driving people tell you the same thing about driving a car, and I'm going to tell you the same thing about writing, especially first drafts. Revisions can be a bit different, but when you are creating, it should be like a basketball shot—smooth and relaxed, focused on the story alone.

There's nothing wrong with evaluating what you've written for weaknesses. I recommend it. But don't carry those things with you to your keyboard or paper. You need to trust that your subconscious mind will make the necessary adjustments. Don't think about showing vs. telling or how you use too many synonyms for “said” or what your critique partner told you last night. All those thoughts will only clutter your mind and distract you from the most important thing—the story.

Take your shot. After the ball stops moving, give yourself a quick evaluation, noting things that still need to change. Then stop thinking about those things, and take the next shot.

~o~

Ben Whiting is a full-time English student at the University of Texas at Arlington and co-general editor of the award-winning collegiate publication Marine Creek Reflections. He recently completed the rough draft of his suspense novel, Penumbra.

What I am Not

Becoming a mother is a complicated thing. Not only am I trying to negotiate a relationship with my child, I am trying to negotiate a relationship with myself as I attempt to determine how I mother, how I feel about mothering, how I want to mother and how I wish I was mothered.
 — Andrea J. Buchanan, in Mother Shock3

Sometimes the easiest way to discover who we are is to know who we are not.

• We are not our children. We all know mothers who go overboard trying to make themselves look good by making their children look great. I saw one woman on the Oprah television show who had bought her preschool daughter more than twelve pairs of black shoes just so the girl could have different styles to go with her numerous outfits! Just as we -don’t get report cards for mothering, we also -don’t get graded on our child’s looks or accomplishments. While you want your children to do their best and succeed in life, your self-esteem -shouldn’t be wrapped up in your child.
Life as I See It

My individuality will never end. There will be no one exactly like me, not even my child. She will be like me in some ways, but not at all in others. I -wouldn’t have it any other way.
 — Desiree, Texas

• We are not our mothers. I remember the first time I heard my mother’s voice coming out of my mouth. The words “because I told you so .  .  .” escaped before I had a chance to squelch them.

It’s not until we have kids that we truly understand our mothers — all their frets, their nagging, and their worries.

It’s also then that we truly understand their love.

Since you are now a mother, it’s good to think back on how you were raised. If there were traditions or habits that now seem wise and useful, incorporate them into your parenting. You also have permission to sift out things you now know -weren’t good. Just because you’re a product of your mother, that -doesn’t mean you have to turn out just like her. Repeat after me, “I am not my mother.”

• We are not like any other mother out there. Sometimes you may feel like the world’s worst mother. After all, your friend never yells at her son — and sometimes you do. Then again, your friend may feel bad because you have a wonderful bedtime routine that includes stories and songs. In many cases, the moms you feel inferior to only look like they have it together. All moms feel they -don’t “measure up.” Instead of feeling unworthy, we should realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The key is where we place our focus.

The Bible says, “Let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without .  .  . comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we -aren’t” (Romans 12:5 – 6, MESSAGE).

The problem with comparison is, we always measure our weaknesses against the strengths of others. Instead, we need to thank God for our strengths. We can also ask God to help us overcome our weaknesses — not because we want to compare ourselves, or look good in someone else’s eyes, but because we want to be the best mom out there.

A new member of the Goyer family!

Children are a heritage from the Lord. Psalm 127:3

The Goyer Family would like to announce we are expecting a new member of our family!

We have been given a special gift ... the trust of a beautiful young woman to raise and love her child as our own.

Our new gift will be delivered in about four weeks! And she will come wrapped up in PINK!

We are currently working on the legal paperwork, so your prayers are greatly appreciated--for ourselves and this amazing young woman. Pray for God to be with her through every step.

Our family as absolutely fallen in love with the birthmom and her family, and we are looking forward to journeying together in the life of this new child!

During Sanctity of Life week, we are thankful for this young woman's decision for life!

Thank you for celebrating with us.

Amazon registry

My own worst enemy ...

My biggest struggle as a young(er) mom had nothing to do with the kids. Yes, diapers were a pain. Potty training seemed hopeless. And housework was, well, work. But my nemesis was myself.

As long as I can remember, I have looked at life as if I had something to prove. Born to a single mom, I didn’t even know my biological father’s name growing up. I felt different from everyone else. Incomplete.

In high school, I wanted to “show them.” Show them that I could play the role of good girl. Show them I could excel. I only wish I could’ve put my finger on who “them” was. And when enough would be enough.

Things didn’t change much after high school. Even though I’d heard a zillion times that God loved me, flaws and all, as a mom I struggled with wanting to please Him and everyone else. Unfortunately most attempts—despite my well-meaning efforts and good intentions—resulted more often in a buzzer than a “ding, ding, ding, you are correct.” I worried that I disciplined my kids too much. Or maybe not enough. That I fed them the wrong foods or allowed their brains to be filled with too much mindless entertainment. I worried I wasn’t the helpmate my husband deserved or the friend and church volunteer I ought to be. Was I focusing on the right things? Would I look back with regrets on these key developmental years? What did people see when they looked at me?
How have you been your own worst enemy?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

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Telling Secrets ...

I hated the idea of telling anyone my secret, and now I’d have to tell my kids about what I’d done. I didn’t want them to know I started dating when I was thirteen or that I faced my first pregnancy at fifteen. I didn’t want them to know I’d had an abortion, and then found myself pregnant again at seventeen. I especially didn’t want Cory to know his biological father had wanted me to get an abortion or that he dumped me before Cory was born.

I worried that if my kids knew all the horrible stuff I’d done, they’d think they could do the same. Even more, I worried that they’d look at me differently. I’d be devalued in their eyes. They wouldn’t respect me.

God was squeezing me, molding me into a woman willing to put her life and her kids into His hands. But I wished it wasn’t so painful. Instead of them using my mistakes as an excuse for their own sins, the opposite happened. They witnessed my pain, regret, and struggle, and because of that, they developed high standards for themselves. They made positive decisions for their lives, in part because I was truthful about negative ones I made. And the things I wanted to hide forever are the things that showed them that I’m human, that God is big, and that there is nothing we could ever do to separate ourselves from His love.

It’s hard not to pretend we are better than we are. We all want to look good—to ourselves and to others. We want to hide our imperfections. I wanted to hide my mistakes and sins—hide them all. But in the end what my kids needed from me was the truth. The truth of who I was and who I became because of Christ. They needed the truth of how wrong we can all go when left to our own devices. And where God can take us when we depend completely on Him.

Are you carrying your own secrets or have you been able to share them?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer - TODAY!

Oh, I'm thrilled to have my dear friend Robin join me on my inaugural show! I hope you get an amazing glimpse of the Robin I know. Please join us at 3PM CST on January 14th!

Besides being my friend, Robin Jones Gunn is a best-selling, Award Winning Author, and International Speaker

Over the past two decades Robin has written 70 books including the popular Christy Miller Series for teens and the Sisterchicks® Series for women. Combined sales of all her titles have reached over 4 million with translations in seven different languages. Robin has won numerous awards for her work including three Christy Awards for excellence in fiction and finalist for the Gold Medallion.

As a sought after speaker, Robin has appeared in public auditoriums from Helsinki to Hawaii and Brazil to Belfast. She serves on the Board for Jerry Jenkins’ Christian Writers’ Guild and for Media Associates International. Married for over 34 years, Robin and her husband live near Portland, Oregon and have a married son and a grown daughter.

Robin will be giving away a copy of her wildly popular

Take Flight! a Sisterchicks® Devotional during the show - so tune in to find out how to enter!

Spread your wings and soar with Take Flight! the first book in the Sisterchicks in the Word series! Robin Jones Gunn and her Sisterchick, Cindy Hannan, offer a collection of fresh, insightful devotions that will rejuvenate the quiet time gone dry. Along with key Scripture verses, they offer wit, whimsy, and wisdom (such as, when a woman knows shes loved, she can do anything). Complete with ideas for Sisterchickin (slang for Sisterchicking: activities for Sisterchicks to do together, as in, “Dont bother us now; were Sisterchickin!” Not to be confused with Sisterchicken). New. Deep. Different. Fun!

JOIN US THURSDAY JANUARY 14TH AT 3PM CST: http://toginet.com/shows/Livinginspired

Your Heartache, Your Story

The themes for my novels have a common thread. They center around ordinary people plopped into extraordinary situations (mostly centered around war), and with the guidance of God these people rise above ... and help and save others in the process.

Also, all my novels have some level of abandonment by a parent that leads to internal struggles. I never planned this, but looking back it's in all my books! Even my third (and final) novel in my Spanish Civil War series.

As I was writing book #3 a light clicked on and suddenly every element of the story came together as it was revealed to me that one of my main characters was abandoned by a parent ... and WHO he really is.

I didn't plan that in Book #1, but it seems as if I did. It makes the whole story work and takes the whole series to a deeper level than I anticipated.

Hmmm ... as someone who didn't meet my biological dad until my late 20s and who got pregnant and was abandoned by my boyfriend as a teen I WONDER why I keep writing about this issue?!

This reminds me about something I read this morning from the book Loving God by Chuck Colson:

One Easter morning, as I sat in the chapel at the Delaware State Prison waiting to preach, my mind drifted back in time ... to scholarships and honors earned, cases argued and won, great decisions made from lofty government offices. My life had been the perfect success story, the great American dream fulfilled.

But all at once I realized that it was not my success God had used to enable me to help those in this prison, or in hundreds others like it. My life of success was not what made this morning so glorious--all my achievements meant nothing in God's economy. No, the real legacy of my life was my biggest failure--that I was an ex-convict. My greatest humiliation--being sent to prison--was the beginning of God's greatest use of my life; he chose the one experience in which I could not glory for his glory.

Confronted with this staggering truth, I understood with a jolt that I had been looking at life backward. But now I could see: Only when I lost everything that I thought made Charles Colson a great guy had I found the true self God intended me to be and the true purpose of my life.

It is not what we do that matters, but what a sovereign God chooses to do through us.

Consider this in your own writing. Do your historical novels have elements of your greatest loss and humiliation? If not, my suggestion is that you prayerfully mine those areas, because it is there you can write with passion, pain and conviction. It is from those hurt places that you will touch the soul of a reader in ways you never expected.

Tricia Goyer

http://www.triciagoyer.com/

I found God.

As a mom I have found God in surprising places. I found Him as I sat on the couch cuddling with my three-year-old and reading Goodnight Moon for the 2,345th time. He spoke to me as I made dinner and even as I stuffed laundry into rickety dresser drawers.

I heard Him in the midst of my untidy, desperately-in-need-of-a-reorg life. I found God, experienced Him… well… while mixing Kool-Aid and playing with play dough. In my way of thinking, the most devoted people are moms who whisper prayers for their neighbor, their friend, and their brother (who’s messing up yet again) while watching their kids play in the sandbox. Moms who try to read their Bibles while Dora the Explorer is blaring on the TV in the next room. Moms who stop to talk with an elderly man at the grocery store about the creamed corn, not because they even like creamed corn, but because they want to show a lonely person the love of Jesus.

Photo by Jessica McCollam http://www.jessicasvisionsphotography.com/

How do you find God in your everyday life?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

What Teens Wished Parents Remembered

Remember what it was like to be a kid? Take a few minutes and think back. It may help your parenting in ways you never expected.

One of my favorite childhood memories is of Christmas when I was 12. I don’t remember many elaborate gifts. In fact I recall only one—a shiny, red tape-recorder with a microphone.

Long after the presents were put away and the wrapping paper picked up, my family and I sat around our kitchen table recording silly stories. I was a reporter, and I interviewed my parents and younger brother.

Though only snatches of their crazy comments come to mind, recalling the laughter we shared warms me up faster than a hot cup of cocoa on a cold day. It also gives me ideas of gifts to give to my own children. No, not a red tape-recorder, but time, silliness and laughter.

Sometimes the best ideas about parenting don’t come from manuals. Instead they come from remembering what it was like to be a kid.

Remember That Family Activities Are Fun
Recalling the past for the purpose of gaining encouragement and receiving direction isn’t something new. In Deuteronomy 32:7, Moses urged God’s chosen people to look back and remember. “Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.”

So why is looking back so important? Remembering is like a personal history lesson in which you examine your own life and use it as a reference to guiding your future. As writer Charles G. E. Chilton says, “Would we know the value of the present? Ask the past.”

Thinking about her favorite childhood memories, Twyla Klundt, mother of two, realized that spending time with her family meant more than anything else. “My favorite childhood event,” Twyla says, “was spending every New Years Eve bowling together. I felt part of something bigger than myself. I felt special.”

Twyla’s husband, Kenny agrees. Shared moments were what mattered most when he was a child. “My favorite time was riding horses with my dad,” Kenny says.

Thinking back on what they enjoyed as kids gives the Klundts ideas for things to do with their own family. But they admit that following through requires sacrifice. “Even though time is what matters most, it’s the hardest thing to give,” Twyla admits.

Remember The Things You Wanted To Do Differently
Looking back not only helps us know what to do, but what not to do. “My husband and I both felt our parents were so busy with life that they didn’t have time for parenting,” says Crystal Andrews, mother of three. “They did their thing and we children did ours. So, Mark and I decided early on that we wanted things to be different with our kids.”

Determined to build strong relationships, Mark and Crystal work hard to be available. “We focus on spending time with our children whether it’s taking long car trips or just reading together in the evenings.” Today, when the Andrew’s children share their own favorite memories, they talk about times spent with Mom and Dad. Making family a priority is paying off.

Remember To Be Creative In Showing Your Love
In his book, How to Win Grins and Influence Little People (Honor Books), author Clint Kelly says that children and teens need to be shown how much you love them. “These memories can outweigh the fears in life and keep hope in sight.”

Some ideas from Kelly’s book include:
• Have a candlelight dinner for your child. Say, ‘This is a rare event only reserved for a special guest.”
• Write up a resume of all your child’s accomplishments, both big and small. Look it over thoughtfully and say, ‘I’d hire you in a second!”
• Put a note of praise in a bottle and float it in your child’s bath water.

When you work to create special times for your kids, you’re fashioning a lifetime of memories in the process—memories that will make your children look back and smile. In my case, the red tape recorder was misplaced long ago, but the memory of the laughter my family shared will never be lost.

Living Inspired with Tricia Goyer

I'm thrilled to announce that I'll be launching the Living Inspired Radio Show next week. My goal for the show is to make people cry. I kid. I am hoping to dig deep into the hearts of women by featuring touching stories of transparency and hope. I hope women will be inspired to make a change in the world ... and maybe even deep within their own hearts.

The first show will be Thursday January 14th at 3:00 pm CST. My show is part of the Her Network on Togi.net. The landing page is at http://toginet.com/shows/livinginspired. It should be complete in the next day or so. So join me on the 14th at that web address to listen in and join in the conversation!

If you have some topics you'd like me to address on a show or someone you'd like me to interview, send Amy (amy@triciagoyer.com) your ideas!

Homeschool, Shomeschool ...

In the choice to homeschool, I chose a challenge that still makes me ask myself, What was I thinking? at least once a week. There are days I’d rather climb into bed with a coffee and a good book than figure out another lesson plan. There are even days I’d rather scrub the toilets or clean out my fridge. It’s then I’m forced to my knees. Okay, God, can you show up today in a big way? I need you. We need you. And He does show up because, I think, God likes being needed.

I have needed Him a lot, to give me wisdom and patience and guidance as I trained tender hearts and filled young minds. I needed Him to guide my days and our school schedule. I needed Him to form me into the type of person who would be a good role model for my kids, who were watching me and learning from me 24/7.

The only way I could teach them at home and survive day by day was to allow God to form in me some of that love, joy, and peace that comes from His Spirit. While I don’t believe homeschooling is for everyone, I believe that God led me to this choice in order to make me more aware of my moment-by-moment need for Him.

What in your life makes you NEED God?

Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough

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Something More ...

In 1999, I was twenty-eight years old and had already published over one hundred articles for national publications. I’d also been contracted to work on two book projects for well-known publishers. Still, I felt far from successful. I needed to do something more. For five years I’d labored full-time on my own book projects with no luck. I just have to try harder, write more, I thought. It didn’t help. In fact, nothing worked until I stopped writing and started living.

It all began when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and moved into our home. Between doctor’s appointments, hospice visits, taking care of my husband and three children, there was little time to pen prose. My grandfather passed away after only four months, but inside I was changed. It was as if my heart had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. My eyes were opened to pain, and I had a new appreciation for helping those in need.

Just a few months after my grandfather’s death, I started a non-profit agency that helps women and children in need. I cried with young moms who struggled to balance their numerous, overwhelming tasks. I used my writing skills to create a community newsletters and to write grants. At night I often felt drained by the number of young women who needed assistance—who needed hope—yet, I also felt a renewed sense of satisfaction.

A year later, I was able to take a break from my growing organization to make a trip to Europe with two friends. One day, after visiting Mauthausen Concentration Camp in Austria, the true events of WWII inspired a new novel idea. After arriving home, I poured the story onto the paper, writing from the perspective of a Nazi wife forced to witness the horrors of a death camp, yet powerless to do anything about it. The story was different from than anything I’d written before. It expressed a young woman’s helplessness and pain—things I’d recently learned about on deeper levels.

Within nine months my agent called to let me know I had a contract for my first novel, From Dust and Ashes (Moody Publishing). It was released January 2003 and has done well. My next WWII novel, Night Song (Moody Publishing), was released in 2004. Eighteen more books, both fiction and non-fiction have released since then.

During that time, I was also contracted to write a non-fiction book, Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Young Mom (Zondervan). This non-fiction, self-help book hit store shelves Spring of 2004. It’s a book especially written to meet the needs of the young moms I worked with—needs that older, married moms have a hard time understanding.

I don’t think these successes are a coincidence. For years as freelancer I thought I was doing it all right. I followed the formulas and kept “pounding out the words.” And though those words sounded good on paper something more was needed before they became alive on the page.

For me that “something more” was to experience life with those hurting and in need. It was only then that I had something worthy to share. My sandpapered heart now bleeds onto the page, and I’m able to connect in a new way with readers who often find themselves helpless, hurting, and in need of hope.

Most of my readers think they know me well.

VERY well. Many do. After all, I blab about every part of my life. Well, almost every part.

Many people don't know much about my dad and four sisters. I didn't know about them during all my growing up years. Long story short, my mom got pregnant in college but my father moved away before I was born. We reunited in 2006, and there are times I want to pinch myself realizing there is the whole, new, cool family out there.

Last week John, the three kids and I went to So. Cal to hang out with my family. My dad took us to the San Diego Zoo and Disneyland. I stayed with one of my sisters and hung out with the others. We had a few family get-togethers and we laughed and had fun. The more I'm around them the more similarities I find. For example I discovered my family's love of stories. My dad told many ... including the "Big Fish" tales that are always fun. Can story-telling be genetic? I think so.

I have to admit it's still odd for me to be with them ... but odd in a good way. It's like waking up one day and discovering Santa IS true, chatting with the Easter Bunny over for lunch, and flying off to the nearest star with Peter Pan. These are people I've wondered about for as long as I could remember, and I discovered they are more wonderful than I could have ever dreamed.

I also came home from this week thankful for the family I grew up with: my stepdad, mom, and brother ... especially my mom. I'm a good person who loves and cares ... and that's due to her influence in my life. I've been blessed twice over, and for family--all my family--I'm especially thankful.

Happy 2010 to you ...

Praying that the year ahead will be one of blessing and growth for you! Enjoy the holiday with family and friends looking back at where you've been this year with an eye to where you're going.

Cheers.

New Year
(prayer from The Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers & Devotions)

O Lord,

Length of days does not profit me
except the days are passed in thy presence,
in thy service, to they glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides, sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit
to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth they praise;
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.

I launch my bark on the unknown waters
of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, at my helm,
thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.

Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.

Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy counsel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.

May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.