I have to admit I was (am) a fan of Jon and Kate.

I have to admit I was (am) a fan of Jon and Kate. I didn't start watching it until last year, but I love the idea of big families, I was interested in how you "do life" with eight kids ... and (the #1 reason) those kids are just so darn cute.

I also have to admit that I've read numerous interviews with Jon and Kate and my heart is broken. I'm praying that they get back together and that their reconciliation will be a testimony to God. I think it's something we should all pray for.

On top of that, I have to say I'm not surprised. When I watched that family interacting on TV I did two things. 1. Cringe and 2. See Gen X. They are Gen Xers and nearly everything they do displays that. Their life, and their divorce in progress, displays that.

Gen Xers want to do it all and be the best at it. Viewers were often awed by how Kate held her world together. (I was.) Gen Xers need this gold star. They bask in the kudos. We were the little kids that tried to show our busy parents how smart, and talented, and wonderful we were. We often didn't get enough applause. The attention Jon and Kate got was a testimony to their Gen X-ness. Too bad they couldn't be perfect in the spotlight and under the pressure. I don't think anyone would be perfect under those circumstances. Watching the fall is hard. My heart hurts.

I was thinking all of these things over the last couple of weeks, and then this week's cover story on People Magazine proved my notion was true. (See - I need my gold stars too!) What does it say? "Kate Tells People: It Feels Like I Failed." Kate's heart is aching because her family is broken, but more than that she didn't get a gold star. Instead, she got a big, red check mark. Wrong. F. You flunked. FAILURE.

I talk about my own battles with my imperfections and my feelings of failure, in Blue Like Play Dough. For many years I tried to lead the perfect life. I cared for my husband and my kids. I homeschooled. I wrote parenting articles for goodness sake. My house was spotless. My smile was bright ... and I did it not for the joy those things brought me, but in fear that my imperfections would be found out ... that I'd miss the gold star. That someone would think I flunked out of the things that were the most important.

I wish I could go to coffee with Kate. The first thing I'd talk about is her need to respect Jon. (It's something I learned too and wrote about ... I'm not always right, but I often acted like I was. And when I forced my way without listening, I was showing disrespect--something he doesn't deserve.) The second thing I'd talk about is this deeper issue. It's the one involving Kate's heart.

Kate you are beautiful because God made you beautiful.

You won't reach perfection until heaven, no matter how hard you try.

Don't see yourself as a failure. See yourself as someone in need of God's shaping. We all need His shaping.

Place yourself in God's hands, He has something beautiful in mind.

99.9% of other women face the same struggles, worries, pain you do. You're not alone.
Love covers a multitude of sin.

Faith is believing in what's unseen. Even if you see no way for this marriage to be saved God does. Turn to Him.

And finally, from one Gen Xer to another ... I understand. I'm praying.

My friend Pam Stenzel's work in Africa!

A note from Pam: Let’s face it. Today’s teenagers are in a whole new arena when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases. They’re facing consequences that teens from previous generations couldn’t even imagine. That is why it is so important to make sure that today’s teens hear straight talk...about sex, about the consequences, about the life and death choices that they meet every single day.

And she takes her message to Africa - read of her latest trip.

"My first thoughts after spending 4 days training these students, was the overwhelming need here. There has been so much "misinformation" and lack of teaching, that these young people just "soaked in" all that we taught. Many wrote notes and texts to Father Chidi, "Why didn't we hear this before? Why couldn't Pam have come last March...I was still a virgin." This is not unusual, I hear this in the states a lot from students, however, with the HIV rate in Subsaharan Africa, it is a travesty that its young people are still so ignorant about the dangers of sex outside of marriage. The first night we were able to teach on what REAL LOVE IS! We talked about F.A.M.I.L.Y. (Forget About Me - I Love You) and that authentic love is always SELFLESS! We talked about the amazing love of God that He would send His ONLY Son to DIE for us! We cannot possibly LOVE OTHERS authentically, if we have not received the LOVE OF GOD!

One young woman stands out. It was Friday afternoon and she came to me and said "Some of us were offended by what you said this morning." I asked her what she meant by "offended." She began to share her pain. She said that she had no family and no way to get an education. She wanted to go to school (most likely trade school of some type) and could not afford it. She finally told me that in order to pay for school and the things she needed, that she traded sex for money and gifts. She didn't see any other way! I carefully asked her if all these things she paid for with that money (clothes, cell phone, tuition, books) was worth her LIFE? Are you willing to trade your LIFE for these earthly things? What does it profit a man (or woman) if she GAINS THE WORLD and LOSES HER SOUL? She quietly, and tearfully agreed that all this was not worth her risking her LIFE...I told her there MUST BE ANOTHER WAY, and that we should pray earnestly that God would show her another way.

The next morning I sat in the back row to one side for Mass, and this young woman came and sat right beside me. During the long homily, one of her girlfriends passed her a bible and we were reading from Matthew. I was praying in my heart for her, that she would hear the voice of the Lord and that the Holy Spirit would speak clearly to her hurting heart. I felt a prompting to find a verse for her. I asked her if I could see the Bible, I turned to Jeremiah 29:11 and pointed to the scripture and then quietly said, "This is the Word of the Lord for YOU!" She began reading, and tears streamed down her face. She asked for a pen, and took her notes from the conference and opened them and wrote JEREMIAH 29:11 on her notes. I gave her a hug and quietly prayed for her.

I shared this with Father Chidi and he was able to find her and let her know that Voices of Children would help train her in computers at their school for FREE. She did not need to SELL HER BODY for an education and a chance! We are praying that she will connect with Voice of Children and get the help she needs and start a new life in JESUS!

Please pray for the students who traveled from all over the country (many of them over 20 hours on a bus). Each of them with their own struggles, but leaving the conference with hope and truth. Pray that they will not only be able to go to their own communities and LIVE the TRUTH, but by their example and teaching, that they would be able to continue to spread this message of Chastity and Faith throughout the country! We are believing God for a great Harvest!!

Please pray for Father Chidi Osundu and all those who work with Voice of Children. We are hoping to see a Pregnancy Center ministry raised up in Enugu. Most of these young girls who find themselves pregnant are disowned by family and have nowhere to go! We are praying for this center and a place to house unwed mothers, to share the love of Jesus with them, and to help them learn a trade in order to survive and support their child!

Thank you all for your prayers for us! We have had many trials, but we know that our temporary difficulty is a very small sacrifice to bring Truth and Hope to a generation of young people here in this country! We still have need of your support. We have one more conference in Lagos, Nigeria, and then rallies and training in South Africa and Swaziland next week!

To find out more about Pam's work and message and/or to get involved visit the Enlighten website here and be sure to sign up for her newsletter too!

My GOOD friend Robin's latest book!

Sisterchicks In Wooden Shoes by Robin Jones Gunn

And be sure to check out her SMASHING new website! LOVE it!

About the book:

When a mammogram result comes back abnormal, midlife mama Summer Finley makes a snap decision to relegate fear to the back burner and fulfill a lifelong dream. Summer heads for Holland where she meets up with tulips, wooden shoes, and her best friend, Noelle.

Pen pals since fourth grade, Summer and Noelle have never met face-to-face. Through decades of heart-level correspondence, they have sustained a deep friendship. A week of adventure helps both women trade anxiety for a renewed and deeper trust in God. When Summer confides in Noelle about the abnormal medical report, Noelle finds the freedom to share a long-held heartache, and both women discover they needed each other more than they realized.

Women ages 35 and up, readers of Christian Boomer Lit, and fans of books such as The Yada Yada Prayer Group will enjoy Robin Jones Gunn’s humorous and uplifting style. True-to-life characters and moments of poignancy bring a deeper understanding of the value of life and the gift of true friends. Readers guide and bonus material included.


About Robin:

Robin Jones Gunn is the best-selling and award-winning author of over seventy books, including the Glenbrooke, Christy Miller, Sierra Jensen, Katie Weldon, and Christy and Todd: The College Years teen series. The Sisterchicks® series has sold more than 300,000 units, bringing her total sales to more than 3.5 million books worldwide. A Christy Award winner, Robin is a popular speaker, both at home and abroad, and is frequently interviewed on radio and on television. www.robingunn.com
www.sisterchicks.com

Do something AMAZING for your marriage!

Want to do something AMAZING for your marriage? Pray ... together.

John and I started praying together about 4 years ago. We thought we were doing fine as a couple until my old boyfriend contacted me over the Internet. I really struggled with all the emotions over that past relationship, and I asked my husband to pray for me. He did. Aloud. Holding my hands. Is face next to mine. It was intimate, beautiful.

Right away I felt the power of those prayers. I felt peace and comfort. I felt empowered to do the right thing. More than that, I felt my husband's love as I heard him lifting my needs before God.

Over the next couple of weeks John prayed for me every morning before he left for work. Soon, I joined in and started praying for him. It's something we still do each morning.

As I hold John's hands and rest my cheek on his shoulder, I pray for his safety as he drives for work, for his work day, for his interaction with this co-workers. I also pray that God will strengthen our marriage. He prays for my needs, too.

Our praying lasts 3-4 minutes, but it really sets us off in a good place for the day. It's one of my day's highlights!

Praying together is also a good way to communicate, not only to God ... but with each other. After all, that one question, "What can I pray for you about" opens up all types of hidden worries, fears, and concerns. These are things we continue to talk about, and pray about, through the week. Together.

Sometimes a closed door is a signpost from God

I recently read this in 750 Engaging Illustrations and thought it was encouraging:

"When Andy Griffith, star of the classic television program that bore his name, entered his fifties, he found it increasingly difficult to find work in Hollywood, and his personal finances became tighter and tighter. He wrote in Guideposts that finally he and his wife Cindi decided things would be easier if they moved from Los Angeles back to Andy's home state of North Carolina; so they put their home up for sale and waited for a buyer. Unfortunately the real estate market was down, and no one gave them a decent offer for their home. Months passed, and Andy grew depressed.

Then one day the Lord gave Cindi an insight. "Maybe it's a good thing we couldn't sell the house," she said. "Maybe it as God showing us grace. If we moved to North Carolina now, you might indeed never work again. What we need to do is stay here and stoke the fire."

And stoke the fire they did. Day after day they went together to the office of the talent agency that represented Andy. They sat in the lobby, chatted with agents, and went with them to lunch. Eventually the work started to come in: four TV movies that year including the pilot for Matlock, a show that ended up running for nine years.

Sometimes a closed door is a signpost from God. He has a better way for us to go."

I know I've seen that to be true in my writing. In 1998 I got a call from my agent--one that I'd been waiting for. A publisher was interested in my children's books ... and they were going to give me a contract for NINE books. I was thrilled! The thrill only lasted for a few weeks. Later, we got a call that "the publishing direction had changed." (We've all heard that before!) I never did sell those books, but after that I got a contract to write study notes for the Women of Faith Study Bible and later a novel and a non-fiction book in the same year. A totally different path, for sure!

More recently, in 2005, I was expecting a three book historical fiction contract. In fact, the editor had pitched the idea to me! That contract didn't come to pass as expected. At the time I had no fiction contracts and didn't know what I was going to do. Yet (after many tears) I trusted God had a plan. I prayed and surrendered my fiction to him. Since that time I've connected with four other publishers for 6+ novels (more are in the works). It's nothing I expected but I'm thankful for this path. I'm truly learning to "stoke the fire" and look to see what God is about to do!

Mom...A few things to remember:

1. You matter. Being a good mom is important, especially for the impact you have on your child. You are significant, not because of what you do, but because of who you are.

2. You are wonderful. When you see yourself as God sees you, you don't have to worry about an identity crisis. You are his child. You have amazing strengths that are unique to you.

3. You can succeed. When you take time to explore your dreams and dare to grow by trusting God to help you, you become more of the person he designed you to be. You also become a gift to those around you, including your child.

4. You are loved. Intimacy means connecting with someone who touches your heart-through communication, time spent together, and love shared. True intimacy is found when you connect with those who appreciate you for YOU.

5. You are smart. We receive instruction from school, through special training, and from life. Focus on being instructed by those who want you to succeed and are willing to help you.

6. You can't do it alone. Every mom needs a support system--friends, parents, teachers, and mentors. Also, if we ask for his help, God never makes us struggle alone. His help may be bringing another person into our life. It may be giving us the courage to deal with our bad habits or to get out of a destructive relationship. His help may be providing the strength to go to attend school, to work, and take care of a baby. Jesus is available 24/7. Just ask.

7. You need to recharge. We can't work 100% of the time. Everyone needs to enjoy life and rest. When God created the world, he worked for six days, then rested on the seventh. He didn't need to take that long. He didn't need a day off. He did it as an example for us. God created within us the need to balance our work with rest. This includes a physical breather-actually setting aside a day for recreation. We don't need to feel guilty for the way we were made. Taking time for recreation is just as important as taking time to meet our other needs!

8. You can't do it all. Perspective means focusing on what will last-especially our family and relationships. They are the things we will never regret giving our time, energy, and love to. Focus on those.

9. You matter. Everyone needs to feel that what they do is important. If you ever doubt if you are important--just look into the face of your child. No one can take your place!

I rarely get cranky ...

I'm a pretty easy going person. But there are a few things that bug me.

Being late. I hate it.

Appointments. Ugh.

Paperwork. Just shoot me.

My weaknesses. I understand when others mess up. I just don't want to!

People who complain. Which makes me laugh reading the above list!

A day last week included all of the above. It started when I woke up in a funk and kicked off when my dog chewed up an ant poison stake. (I learned from my vet to make your dog puke just give him a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide. It works!)

The call to the vet and the puking made us late for my grandma and son's eye appointments, which made everyone complain. And guess what was waiting when I got home? Edits and paperwork. (Oh, yes, and the dog is fine!)

Being a writer would be easy if there weren't dogs and people and problems, but I need to remember life isn't about writing. Life is about LIFE.

Here are some quotes from Brennan Manning that reminded me of that:

"Openness serves as a bridge to the world of others. It enables us to get involved with others, to understand the thoughts of others, to feel what others are feeling. In other words, if we’re open, we’re able to enter the existential world of others even if at times we can’t identify with someone’s particular world." ~Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness, p. 113

We’re not in favor of life simply because we’re warding off death. We’re for life because we are for Abba, the essence of all life. And we mature in the wisdom of accepted tenderness to the extent that we stand up for the less fortunate; to the extent that no human flesh is a stranger to us; to the extent that we can touch the hand of another in love; to the extent that for us there truly are no “others.” ~Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness, p. 111

Writing, for me, is a closed world. My thoughts. My time. My computer.

But if I'm not involved with others ... what good are my words?

Today, my prayer is that I'm open to the world around me ... not just the one in my head. And that I may touch the hand of another in love ... not only with words.

It's Real Life--Fathers

I didn't know my biological father until I was 27-years-old. After we met, I had no interaction with my sisters (or any of his side of the family) until 2006 because my step-mother forbade it and he didn't want to stir the waters. We have a good, but limited and awkward relationship now, and every year it gets better.

I don't remember my first step dad. The only time I hear about him is through my grandmother's complaints. :)

My second step dad raised me. Currently, he lives in Northern California, has no friends and spends his day watching TV or walking the beach alone.

My third step dad has pretty much kept my mother away from her family for fifteen years.

Delightful, isn't it?

Still, I believe there is something I've learned from each one of these "fathers."

My biological dad: Consider people as friends and they will enjoy doing business with you. He sells insurance in California. He honestly loves his customers. I've listened as he's told stories about them. I've heard his interactions on the phone.

My second stepdad: If you live for yourself, and don't give and serve, your world becomes very small, lonely, and depressing. Potential can be wasted. What you think, is what you live, whether negative or positive.

My third stepdad: You may believe that controlling people gives you control, but in the end you miss out on the uniqueness that others have to offer.

For years I disliked Father's Day. I pretty much envied people with amazing fathers. One of my favorite books is The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. I sobbed through that book because the beautiful father/daughter relationship brought me to tears on every page.

Yet ... this is my life, and these are my relationships. I do okay in the relationships I have. I also know I probably could do better. I also know that many of you have relationships like this--some of them even more challenging and painful.

I know I can't fully grasp God as my Father while I'm here on earth because my mind and heart have a hard time comprehending ... yet I want to. I really want to try. In fact, I'm going to start praying for this more--for God to show me His Father heart. (I teared up even as I wrote that last sentence, so I know this is a prayer I most likely need to pray every day.)

I can say, though, that God has blessed me with other amazing men who have given me a glimpse of a father's care. My grandfather was a loving influence in my life. I don't ever remember him being angry with me. I never doubted his love.

Then there is my father-in-law. I've never met a man more intent on seeking God and sharing truth with people. God's used him as a special messenger in my life, too. On numerous occasions I've been going through really rough times and there's been a knock on the door. I've opened it and there he's been there with a smile. "God sent me over to pray for you."

I also have to mention my husband. He's an amazing father--a true gift, a true joy.

The truth is, there are many readers out there who know, like I do, that Father's Day sometimes brings up more pain than joy. Maybe like me you need to pray for God to show you His Father-heart, too. I have a feeling He will.

And maybe you, like me, also need to take a moment to think about someone God has brought into your life who is a fatherly role-model to you. Any day is a good day to let that person know, and to thank God for the ways He fills the holes when we feel like we're missing out.

What I learned about my teens this week:

10. When you don't feel like cooking you can order pizza and make everyone happy.

9. The words "Great job, son!" still makes my son's face glow like they did when I gave him praise for no pee-pee in his underwear when he was two.

8. The fabric cutting and button sewing skills I taught my daughter when she was five come in handy when she is seventeen and wants to turn old jeans into shorts with bling.

7. YouTube can entertain three teen boys for hours, and Charlie the Unicorn needs to be banned forever from the Internet.

6. Cooking class can happen at 10:30 p.m. when my daughter gets a hankering for egg pancakes. (Recipe: Melt 2 Tbs butter in cake pan at 400 degrees. In blender mix 1 1/2 c. flour, 1 1/2 cup milk, and 5 eggs. Pour mixture into hot pan with butter. Cook for 20 minutes or until golden on top. Add syrup. Enjoy.)

5. A 19-year-old who loved Legos as a kid does a stellar job building a DECK on the back of the house under this Grandpa's direction.

4. Teens aren't too thrilled when their friends find out THEIR good news on MOM'S Facebook page before they get to share.

3. You can talk two teens into doing an impromptu video spot very easy ... by just asking.

2. A teen who is seeking God in prayer and reading the Bible daily GLOWS. (And helps with the dishes too.)

And the #1 thing I learned about teens this week.

1. Exchanges students are amazing. Exchange students who return home can break a host mom's heart. I miss you, Andrea!

Highly Recommended!!!

This week, the
Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
FaithWords (April 16, 2009)
by
Anne Dayton & May Vanderbilt


ABOUT THE AUTHORS:

ANNE DAYTON graduated from Princeton University and is earning her master's degree in English literature at New York University. She works for a New York publishing company and lives in Brooklyn.

MAY VANDERBILT graduated from Baylor University and went on to earn a master's degree in fiction from Johns Hopkins University. She lives in San Francisco, where she writes about food, fashion, and nightlife in the Bay Area.

Together, the two women are the authors of Miracle Girls



ABOUT THE BOOK

Ana, Christine, Riley, and Zoe have grown closer than ever over the past few months, but summer is over and it's time to put their friendship to the test.
It's been a little over a year since Christine Lee's mom passed away in a tragic car accident. Now her dad is engaged to Candace--"The Bimbo"--and Christine couldn't be less thrilled. When her attitude starts to take a toll on her schoolwork, the administration forces her to attend counseling sessions. At least she gets to skip gym class!
But with her father's wedding inching closer, Christine is growing even more bitter. To make matters worse, the Miracle Girls are beginning to drift apart. Christine's anger and the pressures of high school threaten to break the girls up when they need each other the most. Will they find a way to join together to help Christine come to terms with her mother's death . . . and her father's remarriage?

If you would like to read the first chapter of Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, go HERE

My Reality?!

Sometimes the strangest things happen that take you completely by surprised. Well, that happened to me last week. I was contacted by a production company working with TLC (The Learning Channel) concerning a new reality show on multigenerational families. How odd is that?! They wanted to know if my family would be interested in submitting a video for consideration. We did, although we don't know what (if anything!) will come of it.


Overall, we're cautiously interested about the possibility. Living with my husband, almost 80-year-old Grandma, and three teens is interesting to me. Please pray that God's perfect will be done. If this is a way for us to spread the Good News of Jesus with the world, then so be it! If it was just something fun and exciting to add even more drama to our week ... well that's okay too. For now I'll just keep my eyes and heart open to what God is up to. Who knows where that will lead?

Showing, Telling, and Heming(way)

Guest Blogger: Ben Whiting!
Ben Whiting
Using Fiction to Illustrate Truth
http://twitter.com/benwhiting


The adage, “Show, don't tell,” gets thrown at writers quite frequently in my experience. What often goes unmentioned is the fact that telling is inevitable in coherent fiction. Take, for instance, the following six word story, which Ernest Hemingway reportedly wrote in response to a bar room challenge:

For sale: baby shoes, never used.

Even though the above example is textbook “showing,” we are actually told several things—that a sale is being held, that baby shoes are the salable object, and that they have never been worn. What then is meant by telling, and what is meant when instructors say not to do it?

There are different ways of defining the issue, but I look at it in the following way: Telling is the simple relation of facts in a direct way—actions, descriptions, emotions, etc. This type of telling occurs all of the time and can't really be avoided. Showing is the space between the lines—the depth of meaning beyond what is printed on the page.

Look at Hemingway's story again. Yes, he is telling, informing us of a baby shoe sale. But there are things he is not telling at the same time.

Hemingway's story has depth because the things he doesn't tell us are actually the most important. The hope of the pregnancy, the preparation for the baby's arrival, the baby's death, the parents' heartbreak—these are what the story is all about, yet he tells us none of them. Instead, he shows them by picking a minute detail to convey those events and feelings.

When you want to give a scene depth, you need to do the same thing. Instead of writing, “Bob is angry,” place that character under the magnifying glass of your imagination and figure out what it looks like when Bob is angry. Then pick out details of his appearance or actions that illustrate or “show” his anger and “tell” the reader about them.

Like a good metaphor, this method asks your reader to identify the connection or similarity between two things. And like metaphors, showing will give your reader a deeper understanding—a deeper feeling—of the emotions your characters are experiencing. The result: a satisfied reader.

~o~

Ben Whiting is a full-time English student at the University of Texas at Arlington and co-general editor of the award-winning collegiate publication Marine Creek Reflections. His current writing project, Penumbra, is a contemporary suspense novel that he hopes to finish over the summer.

Quoted in Redbook

A great way to build your author/speaking platform is to be quoted in articles...like this short piece from Redbook.


Click the link below to read the rest of the article.

What You Can Learn from Your Parents' Marriage(s)

"Take a team approach." Before they divorced, my mom and stepdad rarely spent time together, and they didn't have a united front. As a kid, I knew that every time my dad told me no, I could go to my mom for a yes. So in our marriage, John and I hang out a lot together. We even go to bed at the same time so we can spend more time with each other. We always decide on things together. —Tricia Goyer, 37

"Take one for the team." Right now, my mom works outside the house and my dad stays home. Seeing how they reversed their jobs taught me to be okay with working around the house. Now, Tricia and I have flexible roles. We do whatever needs to be done — whether it's professional work or housework — because no matter what the job is, we both benefit. —John Goyer, 41

Tricia and John have been married for 19 years. Tricia’s mom and stepdad divorced after 13 years of marriage; John’s parents have been married for 45 years.

Read the whole article here!

Change, change, change...

I just wanted to let you all know that I've decided to consolidate my three blogs (It's Real Life, My Writing Mentor & GenX Parents) into one. I’m not ending my dedication to mentoring new writers or parenting. I’ve just come to the realization I can’t do it all and do it well. So I've developed a new schedule for this blog:

Monday It's Real Life

Tuesday Family

Wednesday Writing

Thursday Marriage

Friday Have you seen this? (Fun/or industry related stuff)

Saturday Teens

Please feel free to contact me via the contact page at my website if you have any questions you’d like answered or would simply like to send me a note.

We can also stay in touch via twitter (www.twitter.com/triciagoyer) or facebook (www.facebook.com/triciagoyer)

With Humble gratitude for your continued readership and support,

Tricia Goyer

Having a Blockbuster Family: Action!

See below for part 1 and 2 of this discussion!

My life changed because of my thoughts. As my thoughts turned around my life turned around. As I fixed my thoughts on God and God’s Word my actions changed.

It is the same for you, too. The dialogue—the thoughts—you think and rethink in your mind will come out in your actions. What you think affects EVERY part of your life.

Consider your life? What does your current, internal dialogue include? Is your thinking based on God’s Word? Or is your thinking what you come up with on your own?

Just like me, your thoughts will control your beliefs. And you beliefs, in turn, will control your actions. Your thoughts will control your actions with your friends AND your family.

Just like a main character in a movie, you are the Star Performer in your life story. You can write the script.

Being the Star Performer of your world doesn’t mean you’re the center of the universe, but rather you understand that God—who IS the center of the universe—created you with a role to play.

Our lives in our families … and even with our friends … are radically changed when we replace our own internal dialogue with the truth of God’s Word. In your everyday life, the best way to check your internal dialogue is to see if it matches up with God’s truth.

Here are a few questions. Consider writing them down:

Where has your thinking got you lately?

What areas of your thinking need to be changed?

How will changing your thinking change your life?

Of course even if you change your thinking, there are others in your family that affect how your life is lived. A movie is not made up of one character. Or lives aren’t either.

Every television sitcom and movie has the main “stars.” They are the ones who get their photo on the DVD and have names that everyone recognizes. Yet these stars would be nowhere without a supporting cast.

In our own lives this cast is built one relationship at a time. And our closest supporting cast should start at home. And just we want these family members to support us in our lives, we need to be there for our family members. We need to have good input into their lives and their stories.

Here are a few ways to do that:

1. Be a good support. When it comes to families, the best way to have a good family is to be a good family member. Treat all family members with the same respect and appreciation that you’d like to receive.

Consider our words. Consider if we make people smile or take away their joy. Think about if we are helping the people in our family to be the best they can be. Also, help them follow their dreams.

2. Communicate. I would guess that most family problems are caused by lack of communication. If you sense something is wrong with a member of your family, ask. Also, if you have something you’re struggling with don’t be afraid to share. And … if a family member shares a part of their heart with you, treat their words with care—like a fragile piece of crystal. Like special crystal, trust takes a long time to create, and only one slip can shatter it into a thousand pieces.

Instead of letting things get to the point where they blow up and shatter, try to talk about your issues on a daily basis. Get them out in the open. Pray about these problems. Talk them through. And look for ways to come to a resoluation together. Then, once you come to a resolution . . . you will come back together better and stronger than before.

3. Expect change. Families don’t stay the same. As the years pass, family members grow and change emotionally and physically. Don’t take these changes personally. Instead continue to care for your family members. Some changes you may like. Others you may not.

In our lives, John didn’t marry and author and a speaker. But he has given me room to grow. As I sought God and dreamt of what good plans God had for me, John supported those things. Likewise, I have supported John as he has grown and changed.

In your family, again don’t take these changes personally. Just like a child grows stronger and taller, we should all grow into the people God created us to be.

Support positive changes. But also talk to your family members if the changes aren’t good for that person or the family as a whole. Check to see if the growth and changes line up with God’s Word, the Bible. If it does then encourage it—even if it’s different than you first thought.

4. Consider the members of your family as unique individuals. Some family members might enjoy one-on-one time with you. Other family members might appreciate small gifts—even something as simple as a candy bar—as a sign of your care for them.

Don’t assume that the communication style and ways of interaction that you use for one family will work for all others. People relate differently, yet we benefit from the unique color these people bring into our lives.

5. Remember there is only one perfect family member and that is Jesus. Family relationships are some of the hardest ones to deal with. Why? Well, the old saying is true, “You can pick your friends but you’re stuck with your family members.” People with all different personality types are related—personalities we’d never choose to interact with if they weren’t our flesh and blood.

Jesus understands you better than anyone. He will always be there for you. Not only does He know your heart best. He knows your family member’s hearts best too. Turn to Him when you have questions and doubts, not only concerning yourself but your family members, too.

6. Be Respectful. Parents appreciate respect, especially the men in our families. They live in a world where adults (for the most part) act in respectful ways. Sometimes it’s hard to be respectful if you don’t feel like anyone is listening to your point-of-view, but the more respect you give, the more you’ll get in return.

7. Give Encouragement. It’s tough being pare of a family. Take time to consider our family members. Think about all they deal with on a daily basis? Take time to encourage your family members when you see them tired or worn out. It may seem like something simple, but encouragement will go a long way.

8. Seek Forgiveness. If you’ve done something wrong, admit it. Hiding the truth only makes matters worse.

Another good thing about seeking forgiveness is that it’s humbling. Sometimes I’ll consider doing something I shouldn’t, and if I know I’ll most likely confess later, it keeps me from being disobedient in the first place. Humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness is a great hindrance for doing the wrong thing in the first place.

All the above works for husband and wifes, brothers, sisters and other family members, too. In fact, who wouldn’t like to be treated this way?

Take time to think about all your family relationships.

Which ones do you enjoy the most?

What do you like about them?

What can you do to make them even better?

Also, consider which ones need work.

How can you change in an effort to help the relationship?

What types of changes would you pray for in the other person?

In what ways would these changes honor God?

Ghostwriter by Travis Thrasher

This week, the
Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing
Ghostwriter
FaithWords (May 28, 2009)
by
Travis Thrasher


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


It was during third grade after a teacher encouraged him in his writing and as he read through The Narnia Chronicles by C.S. Lewis that Travis decided he wanted to be a writer. The dream never left him, and allowed him to fulfill that dream of writing fulltime in 2007.

Travis Thrasher is the author of numerous works of fiction, including his most personal and perhaps his deepest work, Sky Blue, that was published in summer of 2007. This year he has to novels published, Out of the Devil’s Mouth, and a supernatural thriller, Isolation.

Travis is married to Sharon and they are the proud parents of Kylie, born in November, 2006, and Hailey, a Shih-Tzu that looks like an Ewok. They live in suburban Chicago.

Stop by and visit Travis at his Blog where you can sign up to follow him on Facebook and Twitter!

Also check out the radio interview with Travis on Monday June 8th at BlogTalkRadio/FaithWords



ABOUT THE BOOK

For years Dennis Shore has thrilled readers with his spooky bestselling novels. Now a widower, Dennis is finally alone in his house, his daughter attending college out of state. When he's stricken by a paralyzing case of writer's block and a looming deadline, Dennis becomes desperate. Against better judgment, he claims someone else's writing as his own, accepting undeserved accolades for the stolen work. He thinks he's gotten away with it . . . until he's greeted by a young man named Cillian Reed--the true author of the stolen manuscript.

What begins as a minor case of harassment quickly spirals out of control. As Cillian's threats escalate, Dennis finds himself on the brink of losing his career, his sanity, and even his life. The horror he's spent years writing about has arrived on his doorstep, and Dennis has nowhere to run.

If you would like to read the first chapter of Ghostwriter, go HERE

Having a Blockbuster Family: My Script

This is the second post in a series. Read part one below.

Unfortunately, during my teen years, I didn’t have any idea it was possible to script my thoughts. Looking back I see that I thought, was what I believed. And what I believed was how I lived. I put myself first always. And I lived my emotions just millimeters from the surface. This didn’t make a pretty picture.

I’ve shared my story on this blog before, and as some of you know, my life is an example of what not to do.

I was raised in a Christian church, and I believed in God, but the message didn’t move from my head to my heart. When I became a teenager I didn’t think about how God wanted me to live. I concerned myself with how I wanted to live. I didn’t go to church often. I didn’t read my Bible. I was mostly concerned with doing my own thing.

At age seventeen I found myself pregnant. I dropped out of regular school and I attended special classes. My boyfriend broke up with me. My friends went on with their own lives. I was no fun any more and they moved on.

During these teen years, I had lived my life unscripted, going along with every emotion. When I found myself in a hard situation, and I also found myself in deep depression.

Yet it was during that time when people I discovered a group of people who cared for me. Women from my mom’s church reached out to me. They invited me to study the Bible with them. They invited me to church. When I was pregnant, they gave me things for my baby.

I saw the love of Jesus through them. They reminded me that God loved me no matter what I had done.

Then, when I was 6-months pregnant I knew I needed to live God’s way and not my way. One morning I prayed, “Dear Jesus, I have messed up my life big time. If you can do anything with my life, please do. I want to do things your way.”

After that I started scripting my thoughts. I did this by reading God’s Word and meeting with other Christians in church. I learned that I didn’t just need to let my thoughts run away, but I could plan for a good future. I could think through good responses. I could read God’s Word, the Bible, and then make good decisions.

I realized that God loved me more than anyone else. He had a good plan for my life. He created the world. He was wiser than anyone. And God had given me His thoughts in the Bible. I had only one job, to read those thoughts and to obey them. So I tried doing that.

My life changed because of my thoughts. As my thoughts turned around my life turned around. As I fixed my thoughts on God and God’s Word my actions changed.

Later this week, I'll share a few actions you can take to manage your own script.

Having a Blockbuster Family

Sometimes our families resemble a movie. There is a little romance. A little drama. A little humor. And a little (or a lot) of conflict. Of course every movie needs conflict. That’s what keeps us interested. We enjoy seeing the characters of the movie get into and out of trouble.

Of course, in reality not every situation had a happy ending in 30 minutes or less. Real life is different, but it’s also better.

Dialogue
Every day there are words coming out of our mouths. They can either build people up. Or they can tear them down. In the United States we having a saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” This is a false saying. Every word that comes out of our mouths will either hurt or help. It will either bring family members closer or push them apart. This is something we need to consider when we are speaking—to our children, to our spouse, to other family members.

But this is not the only dialogue happening in our families. Whether we know it or not, there is another continual dialogue going through our minds. It’s our internal dialogue. The dialogue occurs in two ways. “Thorough and organized” dialogue or dialogue that “bounces around like a little rubber ball in your mind.”

Let’s consider the “through and organized” thinking. I like to think of this as similar to a movie script.

A script is something the writer uses to put the movie on paper. It provides direction for the producer, the actors, and even the set directions.

The script isn’t the movie. The script is direction for the action. The script guides everything. Without the script there is no order and the action has no meaning.

Can you imagine a movie without a script? It would jump around. Nothing would make sense. And sometimes, because we don’t organize our thoughts in our mind, (like a script) our actions are the same. Our actions, our lives, seem to be without meaning and order.

Can you, as a member of your family, say you have a plan and purpose for your life? Or, as a member of a family, do you find your thoughts just running around in your mind, with no plan or purpose? I’m not talking about organizing daily activities. We all somehow manage to organize our days. I’m taking about BIGGER thinking, such as:
Where do I want to be in the future?
Where would I like to see my family in the future?
What would I like my marriage to look at five years from now?
What kind of adults do I want my children to be?

Yet, too often, instead of thinking and planning we let our minds get carried away with concerns. We think about things that happened ten years ago. Or maybe we consider worries we have about tomorrow.

We also find our thoughts are full of emotions. Happy thoughts, sad thoughts, excited thoughts, or scared thoughts. Our thoughts are focus on whatever is going on that moment. One day things are good. The next day things are not so good. Our actions then follow our emotions, which we know can lead to all types of trouble.

Instead of just allowing our thoughts and what is happening around us be in control, as a family member we need to start organizing our thoughts. This, in turn, will lead to good plans for our lives.

Developing a Script for our thoughts is coming up with a solid plan. We make plans in our mind of where we’d like to go, and then work to make sure our actions follow.

A script for your life is something YOU create after thinking through situations. You consider possible paths and choose one that will lead you in the direction you want to go.

Of course, while it is good to think and to plan, it is not our job to do it alone. Just as one character in a movie without a script affects every other part of the movie, if we do not have a script (a plan) for our lives it will affect every part of our family.

Yet if we do have a good script and a good plan it can benefit our family. What we do will ALWAYS affect the people around us.

Join me next week as I share my own script and some "actions" I took in my script.

Pictures from my vacation...aaahhh!